sierraok
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Hi all! I am so glad I found this site! I live about 100 miles from the closet FM/CFS support group so this is wonderful! I won't go into detail about my life - if you want, check it out myspace at [url=http://www.myspace.com/trishwillwish]. I've had FM/CFS for almost 10 years (I think longer!) and am starting to feel as if this disease is now progressive. Does anyone else feel that way? I've been on the same meds for 6 years (3000 mg tylenol/day, low-dose hydrocodone, lyrica 150 mg, and ambien for sleep!), which have worked semi-fine for many years, but they're just not as effective as they used to be. I have worked as a medical transcriptionist/editor for 12 years now and feel like I'm pretty up-to-date on new FM meds/treatment (I was on lyrica for at least a year before it was "approved" for FM). I know all about developing dependency and tolerance to meds, etc., which could be the reason for my increased pain/fatigue. Actually, the constant pain is something I can deal with, but it's the FATIGUE that really gets me! And the fact that I'm starting to become angrier than I used to be about it all! My doc blames it on pre-menopausal symptoms, but I think it's because there is NO ONE to talk to here who TRULY understands! My mom says I need to find new docs/new meds, but I'm sick of trying new meds, reading new books, new drug trials, etc. I'm JUST TIRED, which makes me angrier!! Does anyone out there get really frustrated and what do you do about it? I feel my children have been cheated out of a mother, my fiance has been cheated out of a wife, my family has been cheated out of a daughter/sister, and worst of all, I'm missing my life!!! The hardest part is that I remember when I WAS "me", when I had energy, and when I wanted to do things! My mother thinks I "don't want to get well", but I ready about every new clinical trial website, FDA drug approvals, etc., and I'm basically SICK and TIRED of looking!! I try to explain to her that I only have a certain amount of energy and it MUST be spent raising my children. One small honest note, and I know you don't know me very well...but I want to say this out loud to someone! My dear sweet cousin, who had just turned 30, recently died from sarcoma of the bone - a very severe case - only 6 months from diagnosis to death. I don't consider myself to be suicidal in any way, shape, or form - it's against my spiritual beliefs, but I couldn't help thinking that I wished it were me, if only to know that there's an end SOMEWHERE to this pain and fatigue! If it weren't for the love of my children and family, I probably would have been shipped to the funny farm by now! I'm sorry to vent so much - especially as the new kid in the block, but no one truly understands other than the ones walking in your shoes!!  And I hope you won't think I'm too weird...but saying all this has really made me feel better!! Thanks for listening (or reading!) Take care, Tricia |
"When I was diagnosed I was scared didn't know what to do or where to go..I started reserching bipolar and somehow ended up here at MD....Again scared but needing to know what was in store I asked a question..WOW the people who care..I know I would be lost now if I did not join..made many friends and they have helped me through thick and thin. and never judged...........XX Thank you MD and all.Love all of you.......Laurie Pachin" (puppylover)