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05/08/2010 10:23 PM

Hello There. Brand Spanking New Around Here

JackieOrioncat
JackieOrioncat  
Posts: 1
New Member

Hello,

Ummm...I have no idea how this works, so I'm winging it. I looked at some of the entries, but I figure I'm going to screw this up. So I'll do whatever comes naturally...which I guess is tell my long stupid story.

Sorry...I'm terribly self deprecating.

So my name is Jackie. I grew up in an abusive and dysfunctional family. I was abused in pretty much every way. I have PTSD and DID from it.

I am Bipolar but that's a chemical issues, not a behavoiral like the above.

I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, hypnothroidism, and a few more things just in the past two years. I haven't worked or gone to school in two years being physically unable.

I do have many doctors and specialists and a counselor looking after me. Been in therapy for 5 years and honestly...I don't think I'd be around without it.

Addiction has been apart of my family and life since I can rememeber. I became addicted to self injury when I was 12 and spent about 12 years struggling with it. With all my pain, anxiety, and health problems I became addicted to pills. I also experimented with drugs and alcohol. I've been sober for a year with help of a Christian based 12 step group, my counselor, my husband, and God.

I went to the Mayo Clinic in March because I felt like I was never going to get things figured out if I didn't get it all figured out at once. It takes forever to see my doctors anymore. So I bit the bullet and went. My life has gotten alot better and for the first time I was being listened to. They didn't think fibromyalgia was fake or that I was just wanted more narcotics. I haven't been on them for year even declining when offered. I won't go down that road again. They changed a bunch of my meds put me on some new ones. They've worked well.

I'm having trouble...with depression I guess connected to my physcial stuff. I'm on meds that really help with the Bipolar stuff, but its hard not to be depressed by the circumstances.

I feel like I've had almost every dignity ripped from me. I have trouble and pain eating. Going to the bathroom is torture. Sleeping is terrible. I'm constantly tired and in pain. Sometimes I can't move I'm so stiff and in so much pain. My hormones go up and down and all around. Mood swings are so normal is funny. I have PMDD and some female issues as well.

I can't seem to have one thing that is mine, that is safe, untouched, normal. Every part of my body is being affected by not only the hormones,thyroid, or fibromyalgia but anything PTSD has to throw at me.

I get down. I'm really down right now. I think about dying. I think about relasping. I think about killing myself. Its hard not to. I've always been the person that said, "Oh well at least I'm not that person. I need to stop crying." But I'm tired of that arguement. My problems are big enough for me, they are overwhelming. I'm worthy enough to hurt and to feel like I want to give up. I'm not going to compare myself with anyone anymore cause it makes me feel like I can't feel my own feelings.

I wanted to join this because I need to know I'm not the only one. I'm not the only who is called a liar or a drama queen or a sick wannabe. I'm not imagining it or going crazy. Well...at least not too crazy.

I don't know how good I'm going to be at this, but I will surely try. I kinda stink at keeping track of stuff in real life, I'm sure forum boards are going to be interesting for me to try and remember.

Thanks to anyone reading this. I hope whoever does that we can get in touch and I could one day comfort and help you. I hate the idea of anyone feeling as lonely as I do sometimes.

Thanks again.

jackie

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05/08/2010 11:10 PM
jbrock06
jbrock06  
Posts: 247
Member

Jackie,

Hello and welcome to our wonderful family here! Welcome to the place that you can totally be yourself at, and be around other people who are a lot like you. Most of us suffer from the same problems you do, and therefore, know how it feels, and are completely caring and willing to listen. We all love to vent to people who really get it, and we all love to comfort someone who needs comforting because we know that if we need comfort someone else will be there for us!

Everyone loves to give any advice that they can, if it can be helpful. We all know what you're going through, and would love to help if we can. Go ahead and feel totally at ease with venting. Like I said, we all do it. We all use this place as our own little release valve, so nobody will look down upon you for venting.

I think that being here, will really help with some of the anxiety. I've been here for a really short amount of time, and already feel like I'm part of the family. It was almost an instant feeling. But the more you interact here, the more your anxiety, stress and frustration levels start to drop. I've already started feeling more positive about who my illnesses have made me. The complete acceptance you will receive here is absolute and feels wonderful.

I hope that you will have as positive an experience as we all have here. You will start making wonderful new friends who truly care about you and how you're feeling. I already have, and continue to!

Wishing you a pain"LESS" day tomorrow.

~*~Jenn~*~


05/09/2010 12:08 AM
faerie
faerie  
Posts: 1463
Senior Member

Hi Jackie.

Warm welcome hon. Sit back and make yourself at home.

Read old threads, diaries and articles. There is a wealth of information here. You will see very quickly that you are NOT alone. We are all here for you.

Gentle hugs. (We always give GENTLE hugs - - because we understand the pain.)

Love,

Faerie.


05/09/2010 05:29 AM
karenmsmith77
karenmsmith77  
Posts: 186
Member

Jackie,

Welcome to the group. I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time. You are definitely not alone. My ex- best friend (thats a long story) was diagnosed with the same things as you. She has a very similar background. I know things were very difficult for her. We definitly understand the fibro, and the grief and depression that goes with it. It does eventually get better though. You have your ups and downs. You start learning how to deal with it. Your body adjusts a little. Your always going to have bad days with this disease, but there will be good days too.

I suggest you might also want to join the bipolar support groups, and there is a really nice group that you and your family can join called bipolar in the family.

I look forward to getting to know you better. I hope your days start looking better and less painful soon.


05/09/2010 09:34 AM
Auntie3285
Auntie3285  
Posts: 9182
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Welcome , Jackie ~~~

I am sorry for the pain that you suffer but I, too, believe that if you strongly want to get better. you will. It may take lots of time but it sounds as if (with drs. and counselors) you are on the right track.

As someone before me mentioned, this is the most caring and supportive group ever . You will meet many new friends here, I m sure ~~~~

Marilyn


05/10/2010 07:52 PM
MissStacey
MissStacey  
Posts: 14845
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Welcome, I hope you find comfort here and you will def get alot of support. Keep posting.

05/11/2010 10:32 PM
jenigood1
jenigood1  
Posts: 3311
Senior Member

Hi, Jackie, welcome!

You may be brand new but I don't think you've done anything to get "spanked" for, at least not on here! Tongue

You may, however, get inundated with virtual hugs!

And, you do know you just apologized for apologizing, right? Sounds like me! I've come a long way from thinking I had to be sorry all the time, and when I do apologize inappropriately these days, it's immediately spotted and "called" by my husband or one of my friends, including these guys here! (I'm even working on not saying "woops, sorry!" when I'm caught saying I'm sorry!) It's hard to stop blaming yourself for things over which you have no control, but we'll help all we can to get that ol' self-esteem up there where it belongs. We've done it for each other, and now "each other" includes you!

So make yourself at home - Jeni


05/12/2010 05:15 AM
pscrog
pscrog  
Posts: 386
Member

Well Jackie, you r deefinitely not alone here. While all of may not be going through everything your or have been through evrything you have, we all have pain and ups and downs like you do. We all need encouragement and love and those are things you can get here. I pray that you find comfort here and are able to heal and get better soon.
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