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08/03/2009 11:10 AM

Please tell me it gets better

pamela05
pamela05Posts: 96
Member

I have 7 people crammed in a two bedroom apt. That sucks. Then then babies have destroyed ever last square inch of it. There is so much laundry and dishes I can't keep up. Then my ex husband has started crap which gives me more to deal with.

Then a so called friend is starting rumors, then the significant other's ex is starting crap too. I've been down to the court house twice last week. My friends husbands works there but has been taking care of her since she had surgery to remove a dermoid. I've been there more than he has and he works there.

Oh, then there was her surgery. I ended up at the hospital for different reasons for 20 hours taking care of her making sure she was ok and had what she needed. I didn't mind we've been friends for 16 years but it takes a toll.

Now, I have to try and pack for us to move. Problem is there isn't anywhere to put the boxes because there are people already in every corner. We already don't have a kitchen table for lack of space. There are 4 kids in the one room and one baby and two adults in the other. I'm feeling suffercated.

I'm feeling conflicted on buy food right now. Do I want to have to pack and move a ton of food? Or just eat what canned stuff we can find and wait till we get to the new house to stock the pantry?

Not good but I haven't been able to deal so the last two days I've been taking meds to make sure I was asleep as much as I could. My oldest and the baby are so connected that he takes care of her a lot. I feel bad but he does all her diapers, bathed her for the first time this last week, she reaches for him and I play with her when I can. I live in an area where it isn't really safe for the kids to play outsdie so they have to be in. Well they want me to take them places but the proposes two problems. Mommy is sick and no money.

I'm supposed to be feeding all 7 of us on $186 a month which obviously doesn't do squat. Luckily I had some food storage saved up and getting some food from the church has helped a ton.

The SO has started a new job on Saturday and it is supposed to double the income he gets so we are hoping everything goes ok. I don't complain because I want people to help me or feel sorry for me. I complain because I'm so overwhelmed, I need and outlet and don't know what to do.

I was treated poorly at the ER a couple weeks ago. I was told I wasn't in pain and it didn't warrent an ER visit in the middle of the night. (I didn't know 11:30 pm was the middle of the night) I had to go when the kids had gone to bed and I hadn't slept in 2 days due to pain. I left the ER in more pain than I went in with. Upon discharged they didn't check my temp, blood pressure or pain level. If that isn't breaking procedure I don't know what is.

I'm not enjoying anyting right now and all I want to be is numb.

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08/03/2009 11:17 AM
Auntie3285
Auntie3285  
Posts: 9182
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I'm an Advocate

Omigosh, Pamela ~~~ You certainly have your plate full with wayyyy too many things going on, Girl.

I can only offer you support and comfort (from a distance). And, maybe even a prayer that things will immediately calm down in your life so that you may enjoy some peace and quiet SOON !!!


08/03/2009 11:29 AM
emendoza23
emendoza23  
Posts: 2221
Senior Member

I have to echo Auntie's comment. I will also send you some prayers and cyber hugs of course. This is surely going to dampen your spirits, all you have to deal with. When you move, is everyone going with you?

I think you really need to step back and look at what you have going on girlfriend, it is not a healthy situation and you need some rest and hugging in your life. Maybe you can make some adjustments, I don't know your whole situation, but you are someone who might need a little help. You can not do everything, you do know that right?

My heart goes out to you Pam. I hope your life starts treating you a little better. May everyone around you see the pain you are in and give you a helping hand and some comforting hugs.

Elizabeth


08/03/2009 11:34 AM
pamela05
pamela05Posts: 96
Member

The last couple weeks I've been tempted to get myself committed. The only problem with that is that gives my ex husband ammo which is what I've been fighting for the last 5 years. Last time I was commited was after my 3 year old was born and that was for post partum depression. I need to be doing dishes and laundry right now but I have absolutely no desire. As well as no desire to eat. I just want to say F*** everything. I got back into an activity that I abosolutely hate but didn't know what else to do. (Don't worry it isn't illegal or anything of that sort) Sure does leave nasty scars though. I'm on the brink of breaking and losing it.

08/03/2009 11:34 AM
Sonni
Sonni  
Posts: 1960
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I'm an Advocate

WOW Pam! Hon, take a moment for yourself, even if you have to go into the bathroom and lock the door. Just Breathe. Deep breath in, let it out slowly. Do this as much as needed to re-focus your mind.

Take one issue at a time and accomplish it. First of all, you don't have to take crap from anyone. Put your foot down and say enough! "You do not have the right to interfere in my life or talk to me like that!" Granted, its not easy and you may have to get the message across over and over until it sinks into their brains but never ever let anyone treat you like crap. Nobody deserves that kind of treatment. After all, this is your life and you are your own boss. You make the rules as to what you will accept and what you won't.

Once all the crap has fallen away, you will be able to concentrate better on the tasks at hand as you get ready to move.

I pray this helps you in some way...

Gentle Hugs,

Sonni

Post edited by: Sonni, at: 08/03/2009 11:37 AM


08/03/2009 11:35 AM
Sonni
Sonni  
Posts: 1960
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Oh, and Pam,

By the way, it does get better when you set your own rules...

I promise...

Hugs,

Sonni


08/03/2009 03:15 PM
River
River  
Posts: 3465
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I'm an Advocate

Set your boundries firm and I agree your rules and learn to say NO and it will get better. HUGS River

08/03/2009 03:41 PM
hatbox121
hatbox121  
Posts: 11022
Group Leader

If you can't do the commimentment thing due to ex, please talk to someone. Try going to the county and asking about a place that charges by income for a therapist. I take it that you are cutting and that is not a healthy behavior at all. Not for you or your kids. Please try to do something that'll help that stop. Try to take a deep slow breath and let it all go. Hopefully with the move and everything over, it'll be less stressfull. As for the food thing, I'd just buy enough to get me through so I wouldn't have to pack that mess too.

08/03/2009 03:43 PM
shortstuff116
shortstuff116  
Posts: 1635
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I'm an Advocate

Hi Pam, shortstuff here. I am so sorry that you are having to deal with all that. I can relate to your pain. Just know that you are not alone, you have me and anyone else here to vent to, That's what we are here for.

I know how that is with the Ex. They always think they are better than you and they aren't. They are always finding fault with the way we live but it's Ok for hiim to live with the woman he left us for in the first place. All I can say to that is, try and find all the dirt you can on him, it will help you. Hang in there, he has you scared right now with using your kids and that is so childish. Don't let him get to you, because if he sees that you are stressing by what he says, he will keep doing it. Next time he says anything about what he will do if you don't do what he says, don't get upset, don't let him know that he's getting to you. Blow whatever he says off. I know it's easier said than done but you will stay stressed if you don't. Having 7 people in your small apt. has to be real stressful. The only thing I cna say to that, is when the kids are all in bed, fill the tub up and climb in and take some quiet time for you. You will find that it does help with your pain, your stress, and your helps with the next day. Try and do this every night after all have gone to bed. YOu have to find some time for you. Remember, I am here if you just want to vent, cry, or scream. I know what you are going through, I have gone through it myslf. As for the ER, I would file a complaint with the hospital, it does work if you let them know. HAng in there KIDDO, I'm here if you need me. My prayers, my thoughts, and my hugs are with you. God Bless You. shortstuff


08/03/2009 04:10 PM
pamela05
pamela05Posts: 96
Member

I'm not going to kill myself or anything so don't worry about that. I went back and read my post this afternoon and I just wanted to make sure people knew that. Everything he has done to me over the years has been abuse in one way or another. I have it all digitally recorded so if he decides to precede to court he is going to look like the dumb@$$ He asked if I had our agreement written down and I told him no. He asked if I would give him the kids (it is my time right now). I told him no and he said that's all I need thanks and hung up. Not to mention I just let him have the kids for a week on my time because his grandma died and then he pulls this crap. He seriously isn't a human being. Now his new wife is having a baby. Great so he can have 4 kids now. Two he is fighting over, one he doesn't give a dang about and hasn't seen and the kid is 4 years old. Then, the one with his new wife who said in front of my children she never wanted to be a mother. Not to mention this monster handcuffed my children to their beds and beat them for getting in trouble at school. That's all I can say as this stuff literally gives me nightmares. My oldest is scarred for life and I don't know how much damage I can undo. All due to my ex's lies.
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