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jgamble409
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I know that I should not be complaining but I'm over the edge today. Yesterday, I had a dentist appointment in the office that I use to work for if you know my background you know that I left after becoming sick and it was not on the best terms. Well, then came home and Jason, Jess, and Attley showed up four hours early, then my hair stylist called and said you know your 4:00 appointment could you come at 2:30. I said Becky I don't do Mondays she says you are in my book and I said no it's the 21st. But you know with all of the memory things I said I would be there, so started the Lasgna, left to go to get my hair done got their and Becky said oh Jean, I must have been thinking of you and put your name in instead of Judy's but Judy cancelled so do you still want your hair highlighted since it fell out last year and grew back in gray (only one side) I started highlighting it so I said go ahead got out of there at 4:00 got home, the foster mother of the dog I was thinking about adopting shows up at 4:20 just after I got the lasgna ready and in the oven, then she stays for an hour to make sure Abby will be ok and to tell me all of her fears and how she hasn't been around people much so we needed to work with her but she fit right in and learned real quick where to get the treats, doorbell rings my friend here to pick up the baby swing,eat dinner, everyone leaves, get the dogs all settled Abby slept wih us, woke up at three in the morning Jason's girlfriend had headed home and wrecked her pickup in the mountains he feels horrible because they had a fight before she left and she left in a huff. Today I take Kathie bowling, lunch, shopping and fixing something she broke that she doesn't want Terry to know about. I haven't felt like getting close with Terry for forever he deserves better maybe will try to find him a girlfriend then won't feel guilty about that.(not really) Even if I have my time I can't relax and I feel rotten. I know that everyone has days like this but I'm going to run away and just I don't know what . My life is spinning out of control I want off and then it can pick me back up some other day. Sorry for laying all of this on you all. Jean  |
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mamanordy
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Oh Jean if I had a day like that I think I would have ended up in the hospital. I salute you for having the energy and dedication to get all that done. Now today just relax in bed or on the couch if you can or go do something you want to do. Move slowlyyyyyy dear Goddess!  Debbi
Please do not take anything I say as medical advice, I am not a doctor. What I post is my opinion only. |
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jgamble409
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Oh thank Goddess Debbi, But I am worried about you and I want you to take care of yourself and rest for me too. Kathie wll be a handful she is 48 but has a mentality of a 15 year old is only concerned with what she wants and her world is the most important. But please take care Jean
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Red2
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Jean, I don't know how you do all that! Just reading your post made me exhausted!! I cut out doing sooo much a long time ago and have learned that I just can't do what I used to. If I even try - I am so wiped out, pain intense, stress levels sky high, depression and crying sets in, and that's the end of me. No wonder you want a cave!! Maybe you are trying to do too much?? I used to be superwoman, but am now giving up that title Not easily! I felt like if I lost that title I would somehow lose me, but that is not true. You sound like you are feeling a lot of guilt because you can't do all the things you used to. I have felt guilty too, but have to find a way to find inner peace with this. My husband may not get all the same attention he once got, but we have grown closer through this. It is a closeness we could not have found had we not had to go through this crisis together. No girlfriends needed, just you expressing love in other ways and fulfulling needs the best you can. I don't know if this helps you much, but this is just my experience with this crazy FM. I feel for you! You can lay things on us anytime you need to. P.S. You know you are invited on our Cruise to Fibro Island! Could that work instead of a cave?? Lots of SOFT HUGS to you Jean!! |
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jgamble409
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Thanks so much, it does help and I know my husband cares alot when we talk he always in good times and bad in sickness and health. We are close but I just have a tendency to close up and not talk when things are bad. I really got rid of alot of my friends because I felt totally drained after seeing them and now I feel totally drained anyway. I am so fortunate to have what I have and I know it. I am so Blessed but for some reason todau i just hit a brick wall and I don't cry but I am today. I will snap myself out of this soon i am sure just a low day, thanks all for listening. Jean |
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Red2
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That's ok. I also just have days that I feel like crying all day and nothing seems to make it better. On those days, I just lay in bed and cry. It's better than trying to hold all that in. The crying part is not fun, but does seem to release some tension afterwards. I will finally feel empty then can start pulling myself back up. So, I don't think there is anything wrong with crying. Some days are just really hard and that is a natural expression that we need to let out. I am very bad about not talking when I'm really feeling bad too. That's when hubby and I usually end up not getting along very well. We do much better when the lines of communication are open. Something I am always working on. I am learning to trust that he really is there for me and I can lean on him when I need to. And, it's ok for me to fall apart with him helping to pick me back up. I have always prided myself on being strong. I had a rough childhood, so I decided not to ever have to depend on anyone again. Now, I am learning to depend on my husband and at the same time heal my past. Ok, rambling..... little foggy today.. will probably have hard time staying on topic! Anyhow, thinking of you today!! Red |
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mamanordy
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I am the same. I had to give up the supermom/wife/grandma/friend because I am too drained to keep it up. My family does understand but I still feel so guilty. SOOO guilty. But I have to start taking care of me. Today I am having a crying day. I just start crying at the drop of a hat. These kinds of days are emotionally draining for me. I too had a really bad childhood and young adulthood. I have a lot of issues but I try so hard to work thru them. I gave up all my friends and now have my hubby as my friend. Sometimes he is not too supportive if he isnt feeling well either but we make it through. Hope you all are having a better day. Debbi
Please do not take anything I say as medical advice, I am not a doctor. What I post is my opinion only.
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Red2
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Remember, you have all of us as friends too! I also had to give up my friends. I could no longer do things with them much, so they just slowly quit calling or checking in with me. I guess I can understand. Even the one I thought was my best friend has almost lost touch with me. We email each other sometimes and that is about it. I just haven't had any luck finding others since most days are spent in the house!! I guess my home has become my world I really hope you feel better soon! |
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jgamble409
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Thanks all of you, I just got home from spending the day with Kathie and got on and realized that I forgot to log out. My daughter called as Kathie was bowling and told me that I needed to stop being their for everone including her on bad days. That I needed to stop taking on the worlds problems and realize tht I need to be around for family for a long time. But, being the ever so scientist that she is, she said that I have not come to grips with a chronic illness for myself or the fact the both mom and dad have alzheimer's which causes me to stew for a long time and all of a sudden I boil over. Why do I think of that song about I'm a little teapot. I'm even short and stout. But she did give me a lecture on how she is worried that i am depressed and I need to come to grips with my issues which she said won't be easy for me. Know any good shrinks that I might be able to talk to long distance because I'm better at talking about things whenI'm not face to face.  Jean |
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Red2
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Hi Jean, Sorry, sounds like today was a little rough! I do see a therapist and it is helping me a lot. I do have other issues I am working on besides FM, but it is also helping me to deal with this too. I'm not so good at talking face to face either. It took me several visits before I knew I would be comfortable talking to this therapist. I liked the therapist right away, it just takes me a while to really warm up when I'm talking about my personal life! I don't know if you're serious, but I don't know anyone you could talk to long distance. I would imagine there might be something like this available though. You are welcome to pm me anytime if you want to talk more. Sometimes I have felt like I was going to blow up too! That happened to me last week when I told the whole family I was leaving and taking a vacation by myself!! Oh well, better now. Do please take care of yourself! Red |
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