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07/17/2009 10:03 AM

In my head

tafoya1976
 
Posts: 222
Member

Why do we do it? We fight? We struggle everyday. We put on the face. We try to show others what we think they want to see. We fear to be honest with people around us for fear of them not believing us. We sometimes doubt our own sanity. Sometimes we try to escape our own sanity. We cry. We cry for what we have lost of ourselfes. We cry for what others have lost of us. We hide from the world. We hide because we aren't understood. Because there is no way for us to make others understand. We lie to our doctors. We dont tell them how bad it realy is. Why? Because we fear if we do they wont believe us and then they wont help us at all. We take whatever little help we can get. what ever little reliefe we can claim. We fear. To be left alone.

It is hard. But, unless we can find some way to overcome these thing we willnever get the rocognition for the pain we endure. Somehow we have to find the strength to be heard. Somehow we have to find the strength to make them understand. Somehow we have to find the strength to make them give us the treatment that we diserve and need. But how? I dont know. I just know we have to find a way.

We are each others strength. We have to be each others hope. We give each other the love and understanding that we will never get from others.

We are fibromites. We suffer. But we are much stronger than we give ourselfes credit for. Why? Because regardless of how bad it is we still wake up everyday and somehow find one more reason to be glad that we did. Because we still find a way to smile for the ones we love even though we may not want to. We are strong because no matter how bad it gets we can still love. We are strong because each day is a trial and we still overcome to some degree.

I dont know how to do it. I am not that smart. All i know is that we must find a way to be heard.

Know that I love you all. I suffer with you all. I cry with you all and I smile with you all.

Fibro fog ramble out!!!

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07/17/2009 10:13 AM
hatbox121
hatbox121  
Posts: 11022
Group Leader

That is so true! Every day is a blessing even if I do have to share it with stupid ole FM!

07/17/2009 10:19 AM
mammy
mammy  
Posts: 7217
VIP Member

Simply amazing and powerfully true!!!


07/17/2009 10:30 AM
emendoza23
emendoza23  
Posts: 2221
Senior Member

Tafoya, we love you as well. I hope writing this down is good therapy for you. I know that it is good therapy for me to write things down. This site is a blessing, we get to share our thoughts with the ones we share our Fibro with. We do understand each other. Your words are all of ours I am sure.

Elizabeth


07/17/2009 10:54 AM
tafoya1976
 
Posts: 222
Member

It helps me a lot to write these things down. Sometimes I get something in my head. I didnt used to have anyone to share it with that would understand after my mother passed. Now I have all of you. It help so much. This site has saved me and my relationship with my partner. It has helped me to stop being angry with the world because they arent in as much pain as we are. I even went out with friends the other day for the first time in three years. It was nice. I was able to smile and realy mean it.

07/17/2009 11:36 AM
emendoza23
emendoza23  
Posts: 2221
Senior Member

tafoya, your partner understands the pain and anguish you suffer? Is this a recent development for both of you or has he been a little slow getting on the band wagon? I have a hard time even saying the word Fibromyalgia to mine. He does not even seem to be aware that this is one of my illness's. I guess that is my fault, I really have not made it a reality in my home yet.

My husband went with me in March to see my Endo and he witnessed the Ultrasound of my Thyroid with me. He was there when the doctor told us I had Hashimoto's and my husband replied, oh so she does have something wrong with her? Wow. He means well, but he does not grasp the entire picture of it all. He thinks my issues are all related to the Hashis and is totally unaware of the Fibro.

It is awesome you and your partner can go out with friends now and you are able to smile and it comes from within, not from the surface.

Elizabeth


07/17/2009 11:38 AM
emendoza23
emendoza23  
Posts: 2221
Senior Member

It is also fantastic that your partner has come to support you when you need it most. You deserve this, he holds the key to a great support team you want around you.

Elizabeth

Just wanted to add that little bit.

Post edited by: emendoza23, at: 07/17/2009 11:39 AM


07/17/2009 12:52 PM
River
River  
Posts: 3465
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

tafoya I am sending warm gentle hugs and lots of love and prayers. HUGS River

07/17/2009 02:17 PM
tafoya1976
 
Posts: 222
Member

he has always tried to be understanding and supportive. he gets frustrated because he cant do anything for me when im having a flare up. the problem wasnt so much with him as it was with me. I was begining to feel guilty that he was having to give up having a normal life to basicaly support and take care of me. I went through a serious bout of depression where i tried to convince him that he should move on with his life so that he didnt have to watch me suffer. I almost left him because of the guild i was having. I was being very selfish in trying to not share my burden with him. He doesnt realy understand what fibro is. do any of us? He just knows i suffer. the hardest thing for him and for me is when i am having an extremely bad flare up. one where the pain is a steady 8-9 then I am in danger of having a seizure. the doctors arent realy sure what causes them other than they think it has something to do with my brain not being able to process the extremely high level of pain and causes my body to basicaly short circuit. that is the scariest thing for my partner. its almost like a granmal seizure but i dont have epilepsy.

He used to panic but not anymore. just makes sure im in the clear and keeps me in the clear. since i started the oxycontin they arent happening anywhere as often as they used to. Its been almost three months since i have had a bad one. even through this he remains supportive and loving. I am truly blessed. when I say that finding thisgrp helped to save my relationship it is probably better for me to say that it has helped to save me.


07/17/2009 02:49 PM
shortstuff116
shortstuff116  
Posts: 1635
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

tafoya. I know what you are saying. We do feel guilty for putting them through this when they could be having the time of their lives with someone that can. I did the samething to my hubby as you are doing to yours. You want them to be happy and if it's not with you then you are happy with that. All we ever want is for them to be happy and not pull them down with our illness.

This is what my hubby told me;I MARRIED YOU FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE, IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH, NO MATTER WHAT. IF I WANTED SOMEONE ELSE, I WOULD NEVER HAVE MARRIED YOU. YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE, MY FRIEND, MY SOUL-MATE, MY LOVER BUT MOST OF ALL YOU ARE MY LIFE AND MY WIFE. He never wants to leave me or me leave him. One thing I have learned, is NEVER SHUT THEM OUT!. They are in this with you, whether you want them to or not, they are. It sounds to that your hubby loves you, or he would not have told you to join us. He does care more than you know. Let him in. When you go to the Rheumy, take him with you, the doctor will tell him what this is all about and show him the trigger points that are all part of Fibro. Also, get the book;"WHAT YOUR DOCTOR MAY NOT TELL YOU ABOUT FIBROMYALGIA", The Revolutionary Treatment That Can Reverse the Disease, BY: R.Paul St. Amand, M.D. and Claudia Craig Marek. This book will help him and you. PLease, PLease, Don't Shut Him OUT!, He wants to help you, let him. This will not go away, be there for each other. Doing this and dealing with this together will be better for you both. I hope this helped? I am here if you want to talk, or you want hubby to ask me anything, I am here for you both. God BLess You Both. shortstuff welcome 4

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