Now I'm sitting here crying alone. Can hardly see the page for the tears. I just staring at the walls - thinking OH MY GOODNESS....THIS IS WHAT LIFE IS GOING TO BE LIKE...STARING AT THE WALLS!!!!

My wonderful husband will be so upset when he comes home tonight from work to see my face all swollen from the crying. He is so good to me. He hurts when I hurt.

And he knew this was going to be hard. The transition of quitting work. And he has worried about that. I really hadn't because I felt so bad because of work and just wanted to quit.

Forgive the spelling ----like I said I'm crying and the eyes are foggy - a little tough to see the screen and make the fingers type right.

On top of that I filled out one of those questionaires of Allsup and they think that since I am still working that I evidently am no sick enough.!!

Don't I have to quit first? And then apply? And the email felt if I'm still working then I must not be as bad as I think I am.

I have a 24 hour work schedule. Had come Tuesday. I have used all of my sick time, have taken all my vacation time, go to the doctor almost every other week and have for years because of multiple illnesses and now the guy says since I am still working that I must still have some work left in me????? I'm walking with a cane now on bad weather days. Is this his way of telling me to go look elsewhere, or seeing if I willing to fight him?

His email said even using this site before I had applied might be a hinderence to my case. "I'm loading up on the "terms" and special "ways" etc. etc. I just deleted his email. Now I wish I hadn't, probably could have used it later.

So between now and Tuesday when I was dreading because of nothing to do, but simply could not work anymore I guess I'd better not forget those depression pills.

I appologize to anyone that in previous posts that I seeemed causual about your situations...I'm haven't. Like others had said....I'm just starting down that road. And it sure looks so lonely....WOW..BIG TIME DEPRESSION. Gotto go, can't breath when I cry.

Hugs to all.

Kathy

((((HUGS))) Kathy

we all need "splashes" of JOY in the cesspools of life
3:16...........real joy

I hope this happens for you too.

I'm so sorry for your loss. My mom went through this a few years ago. You will survive this. Life will be considerably more than just staring at the walls. There is a whole lot more to you than just your job. You're going through a difficult time right now, but you'll be all right!

You will probably have to fight a long and hard battle to get your benefits from Allsup. They do not want to pay you, because paying you isn't profitable. So they'll throw up every obstacle they can think of. Get your doctor(s) to tell these people (repeatedly) that yes, you really are too sick to work. Don't let some paper-pusher who doesn't even know you scare you off. Keep bugging them until they give you what they're supposed to. As for using this site before applying to Allsup, if you get your medical records I''l bet you can prove that you didn't join us before you got sick!

You and your family are in my prayers. Take care!

Here I am, a year later, and MUCH happier as a result! The stress that I carry is the stress I put on myself. I have found a couple of volunteer things to break up the week, but all in all, I am grateful for the ability to learn who I am without a job.

So, my friend, if I can do this, you can too. Know that we are here for you when you need to cry, but we'll be here to celebrate your victories too! Just take one day at a time, even hour by hour if you need to. It's ok, we'll walk this one with you. Sending you loving hugs...

I cried and cried because I lost a good paying job. I was forcing myself to work in pain and eating Tylenol in a very unhealthy fashion.Finally my foot swelled up and the swelling didn't go down for three days and I couldn't fit into my shoe, even if I could have the pain was to much.When I went back to work (with a doctors note) they let me go because I was not limping so there for I must have been lieing.

I tried one more job after that and only lasted a day because it involved allot of stair climbing and I just couln't take it.

I havn't been back to work since then.

It has been hard adjusting to me the person who stays at home. Sometimes I go to work with my husband, he owns a storage facility and we have a couch and tv set up. That way I can be with someone. Of course at home I have my sweet doggies that keep me comfortable and happy. I try to read, do crosswords and crafts when I am able.

I just wish SS wasnt so slow, it would help tremendously. Not just with the money but I need the Medicare, I have no insurance so it is tough.

Hang in there all!

I am a single mom who hasn't worked in over two years now, and have reached the point that I accept that I am not likely to ever be able to work even part-time ever again. I struggle to keep up with housework, take care of myself and my kids....just doing the basics that have to be done. I am exhausted and in pain a good deal of the time, like everyone here, but I have finally discovered that I can have a good, useful, enjoyable life and I am loved and appreciated for who I am, not for my job title, accomplishments or income.

I love to read, I enjoy my cats and kids, spending WAY too much time on the computer, being there for friends, I keep a blog online that many people read and appreciate, and when able, I enjoy hiking in the spring, summer, and fall. I'm not nearly as stressed out as I once was, and I believe that I live much more in the present and able to enjoy what is in front of me without obsessing about where I SHOULD be in life, and what I SHOULD be achieving. These are some of the "gifts" of a chronic illness...finding out what's really important, and knowing that I am much more kind and empathetic towards others who are suffering or struggling. I am not as competitive or materialistic as I was before the fibro, and in many ways I am more spiritual and at peace. I try to concentrate on what I CAN do and not what I can no longer do, and I realize that compared to many, I am blessed.

I still have some really bad days when I rage at the world and feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and hopeless....but these days are few and far between now. This group has helped me to see the glass as half full instead of half empty and about to spill all over my nice clean carpet. In fact, my carpet is never clean, and I don't care so much any more!

I have been released from the bondage of having to be "perfect," and that in itself is a gift. It is a journey and a process, but I am sure that you will arrive at this healing place as well. Know that we are all here and praying for better days ahead for you.