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06/01/2009 07:30 AM

pain and toxic people

fibromite
fibromitePosts: 810
Member

I have a few toxic people in my life one being my mother-in-law. I was just wondering if anybody else had an increase in your symptoms when you are around certain people. She is very negative and upsets you any chance she could get. I swear she is not happy unless you are upset. I try not to show her she gets to me but it affects me big time and I don't think that's fair. My husband supports me on this. I just want to make sure it isn't me but I could truly feel more pain when I hear something negative which is all she talks about. It's as if I am ultra sensative.Unsure
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06/01/2009 07:57 AM
mammy
mammy  
Posts: 7217
VIP Member

It's so not you. In fact I feel a flair coming before the person even gets here. Some people just like to be mean, something I will never understand but they'll have to meet their maker someday. Has your husband talked to her about it? It probably would not do much good, in fact, if she's that miserable she may get some pleasure out of knowing she gets you going. Do whatever you have to not to let her win, kill her with kindness, whatever. If you have too, be sick in bed when she visits lol

Connie


06/01/2009 08:06 AM
fibromite
fibromitePosts: 810
Member

You are so right. Some people's misery is another one's pleasure. I am very analytical and I figured her out years ago but, now with the fibro. it gets tough to keep myself on guard all the time. She wants us over all the time for dinners and yes, she is a good cook but it comes with a price. She'll turn anything fun into a sad thing. I really feel pain just hearing her voice on our answering machine. I swear she doesn't even believe in my pain. She always tells me to take a hot bath. As if it were that simple.

06/01/2009 08:16 AM
mulesmom
mulesmom  
Posts: 175
Member

I'm with you too. Anything negative, especially concerning what I'm dealing with sets my muscles on fire.I have a few family members who are flare ups waiting to happen. I agree killing them with kindness may help...they may be so shocked they might just shut up for once W00t

06/01/2009 08:42 AM
fibromite
fibromitePosts: 810
Member

I'll try it. It seems when I do that she keeps at it until she sees I am visibly upset. Right now my gram is doing really poor in the hospital and she is my role model. We are trying to be positive but she says she'll never make it. I don't really want to hear that. Way to be positive for me. Although, should I expect anymore out of her? I mean really.

06/01/2009 08:46 AM
Jessy
 
Posts: 12
Member

Hello Fibromite, I'm new to this site. As a matter of fact I have never posted on a Fibro site before and I was diagnosed over 5 years ago (lived with it since a child). I could not help but reply to your post because it hit so close to home for me. I have the exact situation you described only it is my actual mother. You are not ultra sentsitive, you have FM. My mother has caused terrible flare ups and I have explained to her what it does to me. Sadly, she has chosen her pride over my health. At that point I had to choose my health and well being over this dysfunctional relationship. FM suffers have enough to deal with and to add a toxic person on top of that is not fair. Every person's situation is different but I have decided to keep my mother at a distance and I feel better about it everyday. Keep a positive attitude and remember that you need to "protect" yourself from people like that. I hope this was a bit helpful, your post certainly was helpful for me. Thanks for sharing Smile

Post edited by: Jessy, at: 06/01/2009 08:56 AM


06/01/2009 08:55 AM
fibromite
fibromitePosts: 810
Member

Thank you for saying what I am thinking. I feel guilty that I can't ignore her like my sister-in-law does. My husband's sister had to move across the country to get away from her so I guess unless I move I am stuck with her. I do need to keep a safe distance and I told my husband that. It is my health on the line. I have to do that with an aunt with a borderline personality disorder and I did do it even though the kind person in me wanted to give in. Sorry, you deal with this with your mom. That has to be challenging. It is sad that they don't respect our illness and in essence, us, I guess. Thanks for the encouragement because I am going to distance myself from her for awile. I don't have a choice, right? Along with the flare ups I do get anxiety attacks and so many have been caused by her. It really isn't fair, I agree.

06/01/2009 09:32 AM
fesup
fesupPosts: 3851
VIP Member

I am kind of giggling as I read this because I'm thinking you guys are really some extended family members that have join the site and just haven't told me. lol

What I'm saying is...you could be some of my family members because you sound just like us talking about a certain toxic relative we have.

This person has alienated everyone in our family. I think that the problem is...is that no one tells her the truth. I tend to call her out on what I call her bullsh&& in the nicest way possible of course so she is not a big fan of mine. My gain, her loss. lol

She is an in-law so I really don't think it's my place to tell her everything I'd like to share with her. But I will if she starts with me. So the result for me has been, she doesn't try to pull so much garbage as far as I am concerned anymore, but she is still reaking havoc through the rest of the family.

I don't know if this will work for you...or if the other relationships in your life are strong enough to handle it. It's more delicate when it's an in-law, I think. Because you can upset some other family members.

I could tell you so many stories. But I will spare you all. lol

Huggles

fessy


06/01/2009 09:36 AM
fesup
fesupPosts: 3851
VIP Member

Oh I got so carried away I almost forgot. lol

Hello and Welcome Jessy!

So sorry you having to deal with a toxic relative too.

But really glad you decide to join us and share some of your story. Hope to see you on more and posting away so we can get to know you!

a big HELLO and a warm WELCOME from me to you!

fessy wessy


06/01/2009 09:43 AM
fibromite
fibromitePosts: 810
Member

I am sure everyone has a a story to tell with toxic relatives. Feel free to vent to me because I could totally relate. Some people tip toe around these people and I think with the fibro. you can't. It's as if your pain just speaks for you. Not that you take your problems out on others just that you can't rationalize for them. My mother in law has everything down to a $90,000.00 jaguar. More than the jag - she is completely healthy. So.... why be such a downer. If these people only spent one day in our body's I think they would be more appreciative. My aunt actually has fibro. but insists I don't. Apparently, she is soooo selfish she could be the only one in the family with it. She is another story. Moral of the story is I guess eliminate those in your life you are not good for you. Slowly but surely. As far as my mother in law - avoidance is the key.
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