MarieJune
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I wake up each day and try my best to get up when my children wake up, but my body won't allow me to...I feel as though I haven't slept for more than 10 minutes all night! My twins get put into the living room with cereal and their sippy cups and watch tv...and my daughter helps out either with them or stays and watches her tv in her room. The twins are only 12 months and VEEY needy! It is hard to handle most days, being single with no help at all...but I seem to do better when the medicine kicks in and starts helping. It makes me sad to know it will be like this forever. I never imagined being punished like this for eternity...for my children to have to go through this battle with me...and not have the quality of life that little children need. It makes me mad to know noone can take this disease! I can't be the mother that I always intended to be...I am like a wilted flower in the morning, hardly able to life the babies out of the crib...so cranky and fussy I can't even seem to make eye contact with anyone until the tramadol starts to work...It is awful....Like I am some kind of monster or something! Then, the medicine starts to work and the pain in my neck (sounds funny! lol...I did just get a giggle out of that, because that's what this stupid disease is...a pain in the neck) starts to ease up a tiny bit, enough for me to change diapers (double duty) and help my daughter get ready. I have had to call the school ALOT lately in the mornings...(dayvare for Kaileigh the 5 year old) I set my alarm, then can't seem to open my eyes! I can't drag myself out of bed, and I just lay there...like an invalid. I end up calling the daycare and telling them I will be late. They've spoken to me about all her absenses...and I have dr.s notes explaining why, but I still feel as though people don't believe me, because I can talk and walk. I am just venting...I know in an hour I will be feeling much different...but that feeling in the morning of helplessness and misery, just had to come to the surface on this board, so I can see how everyone else copes in the mornings, before the meds. It is so hard mentally knowing I am not there for my kids...I can hardly do anything for myself in the mornings! I'm sorry to just babble on....but I really have to get this out, so it's not all bottled up. ~Marie |
"For me MDJunction means I am no longer home alone all day. It means having friends who not only understand me but care for me as well. I am grateful to MDJunction for creating a world where I fit in just perfectly." (Yvonne802)
