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02/21/2008 07:22 AM

BASHING!

sweetheartsuzee
sweetheartsuzee  
Posts: 1079
Senior Member

Hey, Hey, Hey...

I just want to let you all know that there's a problem going on within the group and I just hope we can fix it before it hurts any more feelings or maybe even worse! Sad

I know that some of us have spouses/SO's/partners that don't understand us and/or our fibro. And, it hurts us and even makes us worse.

Then there's others of us that DO have understanding spouses/so's/partners/etc, but they do something, sometimes that hurt us other ways and we 'vent' about it on here. Which I totally understand. After all, this is our 'Safe Place' where we DO come to vent about other things as well as our fibro! I'm really glad that we have all become soo close that we can do that with each other. What an awesome group!

I also understand that some of the issues that we suffer with as we struggle through our lives with fibro pertain only to women and I think that the few topics that we have had on those types of things, our male members have been pretty darn respectful and kept out of it. Shoot, even one male member commented on how he 'just better keep his mouth shut on this one' or something like that! Anyhow, I felt that it showed not only respect for us women, but that he was there for us through those parts of it as well.

We do have several male members! I don't know the exact number but the number of MEMBERS is around 450! MY GOSH....FOUR HUNDRED AND FIFTY!!!! I didn't even know that until the other day. So, how many out of that 450 are men??? I don't know...but I'm sure there's plenty and I really want them to feel that they can join in our posts and topics and feel 'at home' doing it. I guess if I were a male, I might feel a little out numbered and maybe hold back a bit and I really, really don't want that to happen.

I mean, we ARE all here for EVERYONE and it makes me very proud to be a part of this group.

But, there's been way too much 'Men Bashing' going on lately and it's hurting a lot of feelings.

Sometimes we get carried away on a subject and some 'bashing' starts and we just keep going...but really...we REALLY need to hold those feelings back or maybe pm them instead if there's a certain issue and two of us are 'in the same boat'.

I'm afraid that we are going to lose some very wonderful members if it doesn't stop and really don't want that to happen as I'm sure that you'll all agree with me on this!

So, let's all remember that we're all here for everyone and each other! And if there's something that we want to say about the opposite sex, we should do it privately or not at all!! Wink

Thanks for listening/reading!!!

I appreciate your time and the fact that I know you'll all understand and try not to hurt any feelings as we continue down our journey of fibro pain with each other.

{{{{Fibro Hugs To You All}}}}

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02/21/2008 07:36 AM
booklady14
booklady14  
Posts: 1188
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

I agree Suzee. I've slowed up lately because of this very reason. I'm a newbie, and no one may every contact me again, but I did not become a member of this site to "man bash". I realize there are some bad situations, and I agree that some need to go to pm. But day, after day, after day - it was getting to be way too much. In fact the one time my husband looked over my shoulder - he said "oh great, another place us men are being slaughtered". I explained to him what was going on and why it was being said, and even he said some of the men should be ashamed of themselves for not helping more. However his first "site" was that it was just another group of ladies bashing men again. I felt really bad about that. Hope I did'nt just get executed from the list!!
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02/21/2008 07:42 AM
Aquarian211
Aquarian211  
Posts: 298
Member

I'm behind you Suzee... thanks for posting and reminding us Smile

Probably easier to say b/c i have a very supportive hubby - however, I love being here with each and every person - it makes our group unique and i lOVE It!!

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02/21/2008 08:32 AM
teri hayes
teri hayes  
Posts: 197
Member

i agree, my husband is very supportive of me and this group. i feel bad for those who don't have supportive spouses but how can we help if all we do is bash them. john sayes all i know about this damn disease is that he couldn't live with it based on how i feel and behave and the meds i take. others don't stand a chance of understanding us if we don't try to understand that they don't have it and have no clue about it. as far as the guys with fibro go they have helped me to understand that having this thing is one of those things i need to except. i respect the honesty of those men who admit to having fibro. for most men admitting pain and fog is unherd of. cudo's to our fibro men and our spouses who do or don't understand.
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02/21/2008 08:33 AM
teri hayes
teri hayes  
Posts: 197
Member

i hope that made sence to someone. sometimes it is hard to put into words what i am thinking and feeling.
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02/21/2008 08:52 AM
locojawline
locojawlinePosts: 31
Member

hi Aqalady,....i'm chris[locojawline]& yes we guys are out here.I think I met Suezee once,quite by axedent.

She refered me to this site.New Hope ST. My alertness/awareness came to be in Key West,my father

was a navel officer.did 2 to7 in the keys before he" Navel Intel."& mumsey decided the big one was a cmmin.Castro stand off.nukes raining.ETC.your FLA.right.

So we are outhere & we are guys & my father &my Fathers father tought me to try at all times to

be a gentleman.It has a few times meant comming to blows over the way a women was being treated.So be

it.If I had done nothing I could not have lived with myself,or my forefathers.Whether it was the only Jewish

girl in H.S. being smacked around[I was so mad the guy didn't have a chance] or a lady landscaper/designer

being beat with a shovel outside the HiLo bar in Boulder CO.She sent me flowers! or other times & places

where things got messy.A man does not let a bully hurt an innocent.period.child,animal.makes no diff.

You don't always win but if you make them think twice or not want to be the first up to bat...it is enough.

Anyway I try to keep out of ladys bizz. unless it's Lyme ticks ETC. Most guys are decent fellows

we are just drawn different. Fighting is nasty biss.even when you win you get hurt.trust me.

your freind in Fibro/TMJ world elsewhere chris.

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02/21/2008 08:57 AM
Snoopy30
Snoopy30  
Posts: 1438
Senior Member

This site shouldn't be about men vs woman. because this disease is not. It does not care if you are male or female. I have always thought of everyone here as my family. I have made many friends here. I however am not able to get what I need any longer from this site. I'm sorry but it is not a safe place for me if I can't find the support I need because I don't get support anywhere else. That's why I came here. So to my friends that still would like to be in touch with me you can find me at snoopyfan30@yahoo.com. I will miss this site

Karen

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02/21/2008 09:31 AM
HAMPTON7026
HAMPTON7026  
Posts: 1366
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

We all need to vent sometimes and that I understand but suzee is right we need it to stop when it comes to bashing. Not just where men are concerned but with bashing period. Everyone is here for the same reason, they have questions, they need support and they need a shoulder to cry on. Most don't have that at home and thats why we come here. This forum was supposed to be a safe place for us to be and we need it to continue to be that place. So please, respect each other and support each other, the last thing that any of us need is more stress or more people in our lives that are mean and hurtful.
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02/21/2008 09:52 AM
Mydragonfly
Mydragonfly  
Posts: 1123
Senior Member

I dont know if I have done any of this man bashing. I dont think I have. I for one like having men in the group. I have needed to talk to a man and get a better point of view of my husbands thought. I pm with a male member here and was greatful for all the things that he told me and helped me to understand.

Snoopy, I wish you would not leave, I did like seeing what you had to say. I got the impression that you are a caring person that needs the closeness of others that understand you.

I personaly would love to see the men post more. and I think the men need to vent just as much as the wemon. I agree with the pm or if you just need to vent why not do it in you diary?

Just my 2cents on the subject.

Dragonfly in Fl

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02/21/2008 11:58 AM
mamanordy

Thankfully I didnt do any man bashing, whew. I appreciate that there are men that will join this group and value their input

Debbi

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