I thought it would help to have a forum for spouses of a person with fibro to talk with each other about issues we have with trying to live with a disease we don't have, but suffer from through the ones we love.

I figure it will take awhile to get going though.

Anytime you end up being a primary care giver for someone, it has an effect on your life. When my wife was diagnosed with this, neither of us knew what it was, but the description we were hearing was not good.

The person most important to you in the world is in constant pain, and your touch makes it worse not better. How terrible is that for both of you.

This pain causes your spouse to curl up into themselves with pain medication scheduling being their primary concern. Distractions from the pain being up next. As their spouse, you are somewhere way down the list.

Frustration for both is the obvious conclusion. You can't really do anything to make her feel better, only attempt to not make things worse. This situation is stressful enough, but when you add in the stress of dealing with day to day life it can be very difficult.

I get frustrated, and blame her for how she reacts to things, then calm down later and think about what she is going through, and feel bad about how I behaved.

The normal stress relief in marriage is handled through physical intimacy. This disease precludes physical intimacy. At least in our case.

I'm not that easy to live with under normal circumstances, I'll admit that. I have trouble dealing with stress. I have gone to therapy and now practice yoga to try to handle it better, but the levels are so high now, that it is not easy to do.

The woman I love is trapped inside this disease, and I only seem to make it worse...

You deserve a big pat on the back for getting all of those feelings out and admitting what you just did. That doesn't come easy or often and you should be proud...it's a step toward 'dealing' with this...and it's a good step!

Please try to remember one thing if nothing else! When you say:

"This pain causes your spouse to curl up into themselves with pain medication scheduling being their primary concern. Distractions from the pain being up next. As their spouse, you are somewhere way down the list".

We only WISH that the pain medication schedule wasn't at the top of our list and instead of you being somewhere way down on the list...you're really at the top! We just don't know how to make you see, feel or know it!

We need YOU! We want YOU! You ARE at the top of the list...in our minds withOUT the Fibro and even with it. I guess I don't quite know how to put what I'm trying to say into words.

I guess just that YOU ARE at the top of our list. It's just that it's not our choice what HAS to be up there with you!

Thank you again for writing...please don't stop there...I want my husband to read it and join you!

leslie