|
|
amfoster
Posts: 62
Member
Send a PM
Give a Hug
|
I'm having a hard time with feeling guilty. My husband is 37 and he's active. We get out alot but sometimes when I'm feeling bad he gets kind of distant. I think he's angry but I'm not sure. So, my question is should I insist he does the things he loves by himself or without me when I'm feeling bad? I feel like I'm ruining his life. I can tell he's getting tired of me being sick. How do I stop feeling guilty and angry because he wants to do things even when I'm sick. I can't do everything all the time, but I can do some things some of the time.
Anita |
|
Reply |
|
|
singingangel
Posts: 2479
VIP Member
Send a PM
Give a Hug
|
I think you should go with him when you arent real bad. If you feel real bad then tell him you are sorry but you arent up to it. If you know he has something planned to do and you feel like you are going to get real bad, then take a pain med. You could try resting ahead of time and putting a moist heating pad on or soaking in tub. Maybe that will help. Dont feel guilty for having fibro.It isnt like you asked for it. I have dystonia, neuropathy, gerd, arthritis, and fibromyalgia, carpal tunnel and other ailments. I enjoy embroidery,music, and reading my Bible and Christian books. I love to bake. I try to be very supportive and positive. |
|
Reply |
|
|
HAMPTON7026
Posts: 701
Group Leader
Send a PM
Give a Hug
|
Guilt is one the feelings hardest to overcome!! It is so hard to deal with the feeling of guilt. I have tried to beat it and I still feel guilty about something anyway. Try and talk with your husband and tell him how you feel I know its hard but it must be done. I used to feel that my husband was angry too when if fact he was angry but not at me. He was angry that he could not fix me. He was angry that I was in so much pain, but not at me. Once you open the lines of communication you will be able to tell him what kind of day your having and yes, he may have to do things without you. What you have to be careful about doing is making him feel guilty about doing it after you said too. Then on the good days and yes, there will be some, go and do the things you can do together. You didn't asked for this condition and have no control on how you will feel from one day to the next so please try not to feel guilty about having it. Live one day a time, Never give up the fight!! |
|
Reply |
|
|
amfoster
Posts: 62
Member
Send a PM
Give a Hug
|
It has been a bad weekend. We had plans to go out with friends Saturday night and I started getting sick with an earache so I went to the doctor and she said I had a sinus infection. I spent all day Saturday (yesterday) in bed. My husband was very irritable. On top of fibromyalgia we still get sick with flu and colds and it seems like we're just sick too much. I told him he could go without me. He was very upset with me because our friends had worked all week to get a babysitter for their 6 year old. Anyway, they were all getting ready to go without me (which secretly hurt my feelings so bad). One hour before they left our friends' little boy started running a 103 degree temperature and then everyone was like oh we can't go because he's sick. I feel like they were all holding it against me but when the kid got sick they were all fine with not going. I can't do everything all the time, but I can do some things some of the time.
Anita |
|
Reply |
|
|
singingangel
Posts: 2479
VIP Member
Send a PM
Give a Hug
|
Im sorry that happened to you. It does seem sometimes ppl think that we are trying to get out of doing things even when it is a"normal" illness. Please dont hold it against them. They probably were disappointed you werent going to go. I have dystonia, neuropathy, gerd, arthritis, and fibromyalgia, carpal tunnel and other ailments. I enjoy embroidery,music, and reading my Bible and Christian books. I love to bake. I try to be very supportive and positive. |
|
Reply |
|
|
faieriemama
Posts: 808
Senior Member
Send a PM
Give a Hug
|
We can't feel guilty for having an illness none of us wants. We just have to do our best to get on with our lives.My hubby sometimes gets frustrated that I can't do all the things I used to do but he just goes ahead and does what he needs or wants to do. I don't make him or myself feel guilty and like HAMPTON7026 said on the good days we do them together. May the sun bring you new energies by day,
May the moon softly restore you by night ,
May the rain wash away any worries you may have,
And the breeze blow new strength into your being,
And then,all the days of your life,
May you walk gently through the world,and know it’s beauty and yours.
A Native American Blessing |
|
Reply |
|
|
kychick
Posts: 434
Member
Send a PM
Give a Hug
|
This is the very thing that seperated my husband and me. I felt guilty for not being able to do the things with him and for him I used to do. He was mad all the time,it was directed at me,but I know now it was because he was mad at the illness that had taken his wife from him. His anger caused me more guilt and stress and make me sicker.I buried my head in the sand and just kept hoping it would get better. He started drinking more beer and building a wall between us to where we couldn't talk at all without fighting. It all blew up one night and a 20 year marriage was almost destroyed. My advice now it to really take the time to talk to each other and if that is hard for you to do,then go to a counselor to help you both deal with this. This is a life altering situation that affects you both and I'm just trying to help someone else not have to go through what we have had to go through. If you need to talk to someone who is there,please feel free to pm me anytime. Sherry |
|
Reply |
|
|
amfoster
Posts: 62
Member
Send a PM
Give a Hug
|
What really stings is that we were supposed to go out with another couple. If my husband, or either person in that other couple had been ill, the whole thing would have been called off, no questions. I do alot of things with my husband even when I don't feel like it and I don't complain sometimes even when I'm miserable. It feels like my husband and my friends(the couple)wanted to go out without me. I'm very good friends with the wife and she was all for taking my husband out with her and her husband. I just didn't like it. It didn't feel like I was treated with consideration. But I don't want to mess up with my husband and have him feel like since I have FM I expect him to have it too and give up his fun. I can't do everything all the time, but I can do some things some of the time.
Anita |
|
Reply |
|
|
mica
Posts: 19
New Member
Send a PM
Give a Hug
|
Guilt is such a hugh part of coping with this condition. We didn't ask for this to happen to us, there isn't anything we know that we could have done to not make this happen. For me, I pace myself if I don't feel right, I won't go, I continue to remind myself that I have limits. It's hard for the people who love us to relate to our condition, they see us but sometimes I don't feel they hear us. Talk with him, help him come to some understanding of your guilt, I hope you won't beat yourself up to much, you shouldn't. Much love to you! |
|
Reply |
|
"When I was diagnosed I was scared didn't know what to do or where to go..I started reserching bipolar and somehow ended up here at MD....Again scared but needing to know what was in store I asked a question..WOW the people who care..I know I would be lost now if I did not join..made many friends and they have helped me through thick and thin. and never judged...........XX Thank you MD and all.Love all of you.......Laurie Pachin" (puppylover)
