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02/08/2008 10:06
cappymuir
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 Yiu maybe roght and how are we to tell the difference from our other half sufferering with us or just being a pain in the rear. If I look at my relationship and apply your theory, then I would have to say that it is up to my other half to acknowledge that we both have a problem not just me. That is the hard part, as you say the male dos not want to admit any weaknesses. You made me think and might have given me some hope for my relationship. Cappy
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02/08/2008 10:12
cappymuir
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 You are right if you are not being treated right by you other half then you don't want to be intimate with them either. Yes I do feel like I am only hee to please his needs and when he wants it. It is never when I want it and he wants me to do things to him when I get gross out because he smells and that is unattractive. I tried telling him to take a shower before he wants to be intimate. Also he thinks that because he is male and does not have to wipe, that his hands are clean and they smell too. Does any male have suggesstions on how they would want to be approach on this subject. Cappy
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02/08/2008 10:16
BeachBum
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 No ofense Cappy but I think you have just entered into a whole NEW subjet! Good luck with that, I'm not sure what to tell you...

Post edited by: BeachBum, at: 02/08/2008 12:17
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02/08/2008 10:20
cappymuir
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 Not only is communication a key point in a relationship, but the other person needs not to assume what you are feeling or what your body language is saying. This causes lots of tension in my relationship. I keep on saying that is not how I feel or that is not what is going on and my other half still stays onhis opinion and does not listen to mine. It can be very frustrating for me, because most of the time I have no clue what is causing my discomfort. My thoughts come and go so rapidly it it hard to say what is actually happening. I also get these periods that all I see is black in my thoughts but feel like there is a lot of emotions going through at this time. This does cause problems in being intimate relations. I try to go to bed with a happy feeling between us, but he does not allow it. he'll say something hurtful and I end up getting real upset and hurt. I wish that there was some magic key to help me change this, but it is not all up to me. Cappy
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02/08/2008 10:26
cappymuir
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 men are great when they are loving caring and show this is an appropriate way and listen to your needs. This goes for women too. When we are not listened to and not given what is naturally required in a relationship it is hard not to state it and express it with others and ask how to deal with it. I know that my other half is just as frustrated as i am with my medical issues and he is always trying to fix it. I can't have a simple run down my day without his input on how I could hav change this or that. I try to tell him that I only want him to llisten , but that does not gett through his strong personality. I have fault in my relationship too. But I am more of the giving type of person, so I let him get away with many things that I don't agree with and suffer the consquences later. Plus I have a third party in my relationship( his mother) that has a lot of control . His relationship with her is like a marriage without the sex. Cappy
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02/08/2008 10:34
cappymuir
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 I was responding to someone elses comments on how communication also reflects in our sexual needs in a marriage. I am sorry if you thought otherwise. The other person was trying to show that is not only fibro that causes the disburbance in our sexual relationships. Cappy I may have gone the wrong way thanks.
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02/08/2008 11:06
BeachBum
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 Oh my gosh, I didn't mean to offend you at all... I'm so sorry if I did. I was just saying that personal hygene is something completely diferent...but I'm so sorry if I offended you in any way. Or if I sounded insensitive. I'm really not, it sounds like most of us are having issues in the bedroom, and I am one of them for sure. My hubby is a great guy, but he is not ready to accept that I have Fibro at all, and he is just expecting me to be back to my old self one day magically. I guess he hasn't noticed my slow decline in the past year...

But what are we all going to do? We are no picnick either! Guess thats why we all found each other here!

Post edited by: BeachBum, at: 02/08/2008 13:08
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02/08/2008 11:27
Kgrin
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 AnJeL wrote:

I have to ask something a bit blatant or direct, if you guys don't mind... Do any of the women in this group have sharp pains emanating from the cervix during intercourse or severe cramping afterward? This has caused so many problems with my marriage! I have, as was said earlier, that Pavlovian response to the idea of sex and orgasm, just AVOID IT whenever possible because the sharp pain during and the cramping afterward is just not worth the enjoyment of the moment!!

Anjel, I have had this issue even before my fibro, I had the best ob/gyn in Washington and my issue was because my cervix sits below where it should and it's tilted, it causes alot of pain with intercourse and cramping afterward that sometimes lasts until the next day. I even feel pain when I ovulate even though the two aren't related. My only cure was finding positions that don't hurt so much and basically that means ones that penetration isn't so deep. (sorry for the bluntness everyone) So you might go check and see if that can be a contributing factor as well as what the others have said.

Everyone else you are all so great on your opinions and discussions, it's nice to know that we all share alot in common. I am so lucky to have such an understanding husband, I try really hard to make sure he gets what he needs to. It's hard, but considering his feelings and the fact that yes he is an entirely different creature it's worth the pain to me to make sure that he knows I love him as much as today as I did yesterday. Take care everyone.
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02/08/2008 19:27
Fletch2ya
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 Cuppymuir...I have a lot I can say about your questions....but this is really not the place.....As for men.... yes some are pigs.....

just the same as some women are..... NOT all things can work for all people.... but there are some basics that all have to live by.....

If they are not, then a healthy relationship is not possible....

If you would like to PM me, and talk about this please do...I have no problem talking to you about this....

Craig..
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02/08/2008 20:25
teach123
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 Craig and all,

I'm just jumping in to this discussion b/c it is such a "hot" topic right now. LOL. Actually, all kidding aside, my husband and I have learned to talk this through after years of miscommunitcating and struggling with it. He's one of the "good men" like you Craig, and also wishes he could fix everything for me. Oh my. My hubby just came in and I quickly minimized this discussion to talk to him. Then, he left and my 11 yr. old daughter came in...ugh...If I were typing about any other topic, but geez! Anyway, I think communication and understanding each others' needs are key!!!

We've come to understand that he needs sex often to feel emotionally close to me and I need to feel emotionally close to him to want to have sex. See the prob. this could create? So, he's gotten better about trying to connect on other levels througout the day(s), and I'm trying to keep tabs on his "needs" and to respond more quickly (in various ways depending on my physical pain status ). This has really helped.

Is it what it once was... probably not.

Is it still a good part of our relationship? Absolutely.

O.K., my 8 yr. old just popped in to say good-night. I guess that must be my cue to quit talking about the "s" word. Ha. Ha.
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