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05/22/2012 07:54 PM

She means well, but....

bkands63
bkands63  
Posts: 16
New Member

I need some advice. I have a very dear friend that I met over 20 yrs ago when we met working in a NICU. We have been through a lot through each others lives. She is a nurse and has been for almost 30yrs so I know she knows her stuff even if she is a NIICU nurse and doesn't deal with adults. She has been supportive when I had to have major low back surgery in '98 and since. Then in '08 I was diagnosed with fibro and she did as much research as I did. Which has always been appreciated but over the past 3 yrs or so she has started to go overboard. She comes up with all the info that says get of drugs, they are poisoning me not helping. I have to change everything about what I eat no matter the cost, and of course I have to exercise, no matter what. Disregard the pain, or how much sleep I did or didn't get, or if I'm on the edge of a crisis. Then if I don't at least seriously consider her advice or info from articles, she takes offense to it. Yet that's not as bad as if we are talking or texting and I'm explaining what I'm experiencing, she will blame it on meds or her other gripes. Of course I'm dealing with major depression and I'm in a very dark place and I'm turning into a hermit. With everything I'm dealing with, you would think she would be calling all the time. Instead the phone calls have decreased. Does anyone have any suggestions on a way I can try and talk to her that won't push her away any further? Thanks
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05/22/2012 08:05 PM
FibroCFS
FibroCFS  
Posts: 1999
Senior Member

Have you ever seen the information on Fibromyalgia Symptoms. One is an expanded list. The other is a PDF that doctors use to diagnose the INDIVIDUAL and the severity of the symptoms and classes of these symptoms.

Expanded List: http://abarnabas.tripod.com/indexfibrosymptoms.html

Diagnostic Tool - Use 2010 Criteria http://www.fibroknowledge.com/site/diagnose.htm

Although the meds can cause us issues and it is with great trial and error we can find our mix that helps us without too many side effects from the drugs outweighing the benefits, Fibro itself is drowning us in symptoms and you don't have to be on any drugs to have them and you can be eating incredibly well and still have them. I know, I have been through all of this for 15 years.


05/22/2012 08:07 PM
mabri
mabri  
Posts: 4770
VIP Member

bkands,

First of all, welcome to the group. We are so glad that you found us. We are a very tight knit group, and we all have a genuine love and caring for all our members. You can come here to ask questions, rant, rave, cry, laugh, or whatever. We all understand, cuz we are all blessed with this fabulous thing called fibro. Welcome to the fibro family!!

As far as your friend...We all go through this. Everyone has an opinion, and has read this/that to cure us. I myself have had people tell me everything from stopping consumption of aspertame to it being caused from the fluoide in the water. The problem is that everyone is really trying to help, and think that they are doing exactly that, when really all they are doing is pissing us off! (sorry)

My suggestion to you, would be to stop talking to her about this subject. It seems like that is what is causing the turmoil. If she brings it up, change the subject. This way, you can still be friends, but the tension from her trying to "heal" you will be excluded. Let her know that you are being monitored by a dr/drs and that you are working on this with their suggestions. I hope this helps HUGS


05/22/2012 08:24 PM
MoiraWolf
MoiraWolf  
Posts: 3416
Senior Member

Welcome to the group!

I second everything Mabri said... from the coming here and being in the family, to how to get along with your friend. Maybe just change the subject with a gentle "You know, I'll discuss it with my doctor, in the meantime, how about those Longhorns (or whatever)" You can be gentle and firm at the same time.


05/22/2012 08:49 PM
mem6526

bkands63,

bird welcome


05/23/2012 01:24 AM
faieriemama
faieriemama  
Posts: 3346
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

You might try doing with her what i do with my best friend who is the sweetest person and really loves me like a sis. She also happens to be a bit of a hypochondriac and very much wrapped up in herself and her life. Unless she can be telling me how to help one or the other of my illnesses, then she's full of advice... take this herb, drink this herbal tea, don't take that med, this med will only make you sicker. I just tell her, "Thanks sis that's good advice I'll check it out with my doc on my next visit."

Sometimes she takes it real good and other times she snaps a little but then I just ask her about something in her life... and it's all about her from then on. Just try to find a gentle way to accept her advice and still get on with your life as you need to.

Oh yeah, welcome to the group and I look forward to seeing you and getting to know you.

th clBBValentineswelcometothegroup 1


05/23/2012 05:52 AM
hatbox121
hatbox121  
Posts: 11098
Group Leader

Welcome to the group. Sounds like you've gotten good advice so far! I would have suggested the same things.

05/23/2012 09:01 AM
bkands63
bkands63  
Posts: 16
New Member

Thank you all for your help and advice, I now have a new tool to use when I talk with her, and hopefully I won't get as frustrated. Also, Thanks for the warm Welcome, I stumbled along this website, and from reading other discussions figured out I could benefit from everyones experience. I'm just glad there is someplace to go when I want to vent, or rant, or cry, or cheer and there is always going to be someone there. Thanks all.

05/23/2012 09:30 AM
broken
broken  
Posts: 11332
Group Leader

Im glad you found us as well,I have been here along time and it is a home away from home and a new family I have in my life..welocme..
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