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05/22/2012 04:18 PM

Hummor Time

mem1318

White Lie Cake

Courtesy of Ken G.

Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church Ladies' Group in Tuscaloosa , but forgot to do it until the last minute. She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets, found an angel food cake mix and quickly made it while drying her hair, dressing, and helping her son pack up for Scout camp.

When Alice took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured. she said, "Oh dear, there is not time to bake another cake."

This cake was important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church, and in her new community of friends. So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake.

Alice found it in the bathroom-a roll of Toilet paper. She plunked it in and then covered it with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect.

Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the moment it opened at 9:30 and to buy the cake and bring it home.

When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found the attractive, perfect cake had already been sold. Amanda grabbed her cell phone and called her mom. Alice was horrified-she was beside herself. Everyone would know! What would they think? She would be ostracized, talked about, ridiculed! All night, Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.

The next day, Alice promised herself she would try not to think about the cake and would attend the fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a fellow church member and try to have a good time.

Alice did not really want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose the fact Alice was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa, but having already RSVP'd, she couldn't think of a believable excuse to stay home.

The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old South and to Alice's horror, the cake in question was presented for dessert! Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake! She started out of her chair to tell the hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor's wife said, "what a beautiful cake!"

Alice still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, "Thank you, I baked it myself."

Alice smiled and thought to herself, "God is good."

Tongue

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05/22/2012 04:25 PM
MoiraWolf
MoiraWolf  
Posts: 3416
Senior Member

Priceless!!

05/22/2012 05:24 PM
Adewyn
Adewyn  
Posts: 5725
Group Leader

omg!! you guys are killing me tonight!!! bahahahahahahah!

05/22/2012 05:58 PM
rwslove
rwslove  
Posts: 631
Member

That was awesome. Loved it. Laughing Laughing

05/22/2012 06:23 PM
mem1318

The Toilet Seat

Courtesy of Randy C.

Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their toilet. Finally, he got around to doing it while Lucy was out.

After finishing, he left to take care of another matter before she returned.

She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet seat.

About that time, Charlie got home and realized her predicament.

They both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever. Finally, in desperation, Charlie undid the toilet seat bolts. Lucy wrapped a sheet around herself and Charlie drove her to the hospital emergency room.

The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her (Try to get a mental picture of this).

Lucy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying, "Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before."

The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots of them. I just never saw one mounted and framed."


05/22/2012 08:47 PM
mabri
mabri  
Posts: 4769
VIP Member

Rw, Where in the world do you get all these? I absolutely love the laughter.. Don't know what we would do without laughter...HUGS

05/23/2012 05:30 AM
mem1318

It is a secret

Hello


05/23/2012 06:47 AM
MoiraWolf
MoiraWolf  
Posts: 3416
Senior Member

*snorts and giggles*

05/23/2012 07:39 AM
Beeleeg
Beeleeg  
Posts: 117
Member

hehe Smile love these, thanks!

05/23/2012 11:35 AM
Raoul
RaoulPosts: 4012
VIP Member

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:

==============

Men Are Just Happier People--

What do you expect from such simple creatures..

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes --

one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife..

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on

December 24 in 25 minutes.

============================

No wonder men are happier.

======================================

Stolen from the sleep support group, Raoul

I am not a doctor - and my advice is purely from my personal experience and my opinion!!

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