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02/18/2009 08:22 PM

WHY DO WOMEN HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING?

Neko
Neko  
Posts: 96
Member

AS I was reading the posts by others, I started to get very angry about how women with FM have to do everything while others simply watch them suffer and get worse!!

Although I've never been married, my mother has always done everything in the house. She worked, cooked, cleaned and took care of my father, I and my sister while my father did nothing to help her around the house. My sister is married and she does the same thing.

I keep hearing about the same thing over and over that women have to do so much even when they are sick. WHY AREN'T HUSBANDS DOING ANYTHING?!! This bothers me a lot. It's a known fact that FM gets worsened with stress. I guess this is the reason I am 38 and still single.

Why can't people help? I bet people with FM always help people out but no one helps them. I am seeing a pattern in people with FM. We are very sensitive people who prefer peace and want to make others happy before taking care of themselves.

I get upset when I am waling to a building with my friends and they never open the door for me when they know that I have so much pain in my arms and it's hard for me to open heavy doors. They even wait for me to open the door! So, I end up opening the door for everyone. No one helps even when I am struggling. I've always tried to help anyone, even strangers who need it. Why is it so hard for others to do the same? It makes me feel like I don't want to be with people. People are very selfish that they only talk about themselves and can't see that others are in pain.

I'm sorry if I am going crazy here...I am very upset because I see that many women with FM get sicker because of lack of support. I wish we get more understanding and respect from others...

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02/18/2009 08:35 PM
Casty
0hCasty  
Posts: 2917
VIP Member

I hear your frustration hon (HUGS)

I will attempt to shed a little light on your observation. There are some of us out here who are very lucky. I have been married to a man, almost 27 years now, when we married I was healthy, over the last 3 decades I have battled one thing or another and with each battle I have encountered my husband has been there to pick up the pieces I have to drop. No he is not perfect but as I told my therapist who wanted me to be angry with my DH for not sharing deep feelings vocally(he is a very shy Filipino man, no an uncommon trait)I said to my therapist, I'm not perfect, why should I expect he has to be. That actually made him think, was kinda cool.

But I digress, my husband not only makes 95% of the money but he does 95% of the laundry and about 60% of the house work and maybe 10% of the cooking, he never makes me feel bad for not being able to do what needs to be done, well he does make me feel bad for one particular "chore" if you know what I mean, but he doesn't intend to make me feel bad. He watches out for me to make sure I don't do something I shouldn't. He really is my rock and without him I have no idea where I would be. I love my man with all my heart.


02/18/2009 08:41 PM
Neko
Neko  
Posts: 96
Member

Casty, Thanks for sharing your story. I think you are one of the few lucky women to have a husband like that. I know life isn't perfect and no one is perfect but I am not even talking about perfection here. I am talking about equality.

02/18/2009 08:58 PM
AutumnSunset
AutumnSunset  
Posts: 1262
Senior Member

I understand your point of view. People can be very selfish. It really does help to have people around you who support and help you. It lessens the stress and just seems to make life a little easier.

I, too, am one of the fortunate ones. My husband has been my rock through all my problems. We have been married for almost 33 years. I used to be the one to do most of the cooking, shopping, chores, housecleaning, laundry, taking care of children, etc. - although my husband was always there to help, when he was needed. About 20 years ago, I really began having a lot of health problems, but pretty much managed to keep doing my "work." But about 10 years ago, my husband insisted that I quit my job - by that time, I knew it was the right decision. During the last 5 years, he has taken over most of the chores that I listed above. (I'm so thankful that we no longer have children in the house.) The only chore that I try to do is laundry and sometimes loading/unloading the dishwasher. He doesn't like for me to do any other chores, because they usually cause more pain. He has truly been a blessing.


02/18/2009 10:19 PM
DSMF
Posts: 36
Member

I to am one of the lucky ones he always belived I had a problem and if it wasn't for him I still would think it all in my head. He does all he can around the house. However he does not cook, he can bring home a mean take out Laughing Laughing Laughing

He trys to support me in what ever i do. He also helps me set limmints with out demming me.

I had decided I would never marry for simmilar reasons as yours than he poped into my life what a blessing.


02/19/2009 01:34 AM
TinaL
aTinaLPosts: 11832
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

I really had to put my two cents in here. If you read my profile it starts out with accolades for my husband. I always say I got the last best man on the face of the earth!

I can't say enough good about him. Like Casty, we married when I was healthy. We always shared everything. Whatever slack there was in one was made up by the other- we make a perfect team.

He works a very physically demanding job, yet he helps me with the groceries and laundry on his days off. Over the last year or so I've been unable to do those by myself any longer. Our domicile looks like a frat house and he doesn't care because he knows I just can't do it anymore. (I used to be exceptionally fussy about the house and truly enjoyed cleaning. I miss it.)

He would do anything for me and he would give anything to have me well again. If he has one flaw it's that he doesn't like to take vacations. He says when he's home and not at work it always hits him harder how sick I really am. When he's at work he can pretend it's like the old days. I guess I wouldn't really call that a flaw!

He doesn't even mind the sex, or lack there of! In fact, we've made a joke of it! We sit holding hands on the couch and I'll say out of the blue, "I'm horny!" Then he'll laugh and squeeze my hand. The other day we had sweet potatoes and I said, "Sweet potatoes make me horny!" He chuckles and squeezes my hand. I'll say, "Do me!" He chuckles and squeezes my hand. He knows the spirit is willing but the body isn't able.

In all honesty, he won't make love to me anymore because he's afraid it will kill me! After the magic moment I'm left gasping for air for anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour.

Oops! Now you guys know all my secrets, lol!

In summation, I have to say I firmly believe if it weren't for my hubby I would be dead. Come to think of it, I'm certain of that!

BTW, Neko, mean people suck and you seem to know a lot of them! Where do you live? Maybe it's geographical.

Posting makes me horny!


02/19/2009 03:57 AM
Auntie3285
Auntie3285  
Posts: 9182
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Because we CAN ~~~~ LOL !!!

I, too, have many day when I ask myself why God made women sooooo good at multi-tasking ? Why can t we ever be doing just ONE thing at a time instead of 3-4 ?


02/19/2009 04:54 AM
Kreativekidz
Posts: 41
Member

I am fortunate to have a supportive husband but I still am responsible for alot of the daily day to day chores around the house. I have been a daycare provider for 18 years so I tended to throw in wash during naptime, mop floors and have a nice meal waiting for my family at night. The house always suffers when I have the bad days. My husband grew up with a mom who was a homemaker so he was accustomed to the woman doing the housework. Unfortunately, I am not Betty Crocker and I have fibro!

02/19/2009 06:16 AM
bc1028
bc1028  
Posts: 3383
Senior Member

I understand where you are comming from, however, I also have a husband that helps out alot. He has been out of town for the last month and I have seen just how much he does. I also have a very supportive family that will help. My problem is a little different in that sometimes I feel that I am being smothered by them and want to yell leave me alone. I know that they are only trying to help but they don't want me to do anything. I have an uncle that always fusses at me for doing too much for my kids, I know that I may do "too" much but they are mine and I want to do what I can.

02/19/2009 08:15 AM
Neko
Neko  
Posts: 96
Member

I was surprised to read responses here! I'm glad that there are "some" men who help their wives around the house. I know they "exist" somewhere, but just not around me. I guess listening to my mother, sister, and married/divorced female friends always complaining to me about their husbands being lazy, made me think that most men are pigs. Every time I hear their complaints I think, "Thank God I'm single!".

Many Japanese men don't do anything around the house. They still believe that women should be homemakers and men are only responsible for bringing in the money. Japanese women think that they should marry American men because they would help them with the housework! I don't know where they got this, but I guess there are more American men who treat their women equally.

I hope I won't hear any more complaints...especially from my mom & sister. I've been hearing it all my life and I am so sick of it!!

I wish they would just get a divorce if they don't like their husbands...

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