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05/16/2012 11:39 AM

Broken Record...my family has me in a panic again

LilyRose4
LilyRose4  
Posts: 261
Member

I just don't know what to say or do at this point. If I ignore them they just start texting and calling more. I think I need to be honest, but how do I tell my sister I think she has untreated bipolar and I can't handle the extreme frantic/crisis or manic episodes anymore (but she has a fatal autoimmune disease so I have just put up with her because I don't want to stress her, or my best friend texting me at 1am to call my sister because she is in an episode, when she was not there for me the last time I was asking her for help with my sister. Now she is going to realize what I have been dealing with and feeling helpless to help my sis. Or how do I tell my aunt who thinks she is a great benefactor that she is self absorbed and everything she says offends me. She just texted me that she had a mole removed that might be cancerous and I feel terrible that I am angry like great I am trying to get subsidized funding to get my pre-cancer removed again before it turns malignant and a hysterectomy with no insurance. She is clueless as to what I am going through. Or saying I pray for you every night to get better, when I don't know how many times I have said my fibro/endo/etc don't have a cure. Pray that I can find a way to support myself now that my life has completely fallen apart or that I can cope with living with these conditions. Or asking if I need a ride to Walmart when I just called SRS again with no response to get food stamps and spent the last money I had on a weeks worth groceries when I took public transportation already. I know it is not just me because I have been in contact and talking with two of my Aunts, who don't live here, who I get along with great (well one has fibro too so that is easy and the other has a facial tumor and heart problems and is very sensitive to others.)

P.S. I hope I don't offend anyone with BP but maybe you could relate to my sisters side? I know it is so hard for her with all her physical pain and an non-supportive husband. I think being on adderal is not good for BP either? I know I have my own mental issues(depression, anxiety, PTSD) and don't think I have it together more than anyone else. I am just more calm and internal and my sister gets so dramatic and in crisis mode all the time calls/text in the middle of the night and it's draining me when I am barely holding myself which I told her months ago that she needs to get help that I can't help her, so i just pulled away.

I needed to vent and only feel safe here, any advice is welcome, I am at a loss and just want to crawl in a hole rather than deal with people...why can't people be like cats? A little humor is how I deal.

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05/16/2012 12:38 PM
AJ1971
AJ1971  
Posts: 1455
Senior Member

Your first responsibility is to yourself. U need to tell everybody else to get help and to leave u alone or just do what I have learned shut ur cell phone off and if u have a better land line shut the ringer off and got to bed whatever problems ur family has in the middle of the night will be on ur voice mail in the morning u can listen to them as u drink ur coffee and think i'm glad I was asleep.

05/16/2012 02:42 PM
MoiraWolf
MoiraWolf  
Posts: 3416
Senior Member

Venting is allowed and sounds like you needed it! Whew honey! Man, you got a plate full!

I have to agree with AJ tho. Turn off the phones and the ringers and get your sleep. Whatever it is, you can deal with it better in the morning after a good night's sleep, than you can during the middle of the night on little to no sleep.

Keep after the government on those food stamps and stuff too. I know, pain in the arse, but once it's done, you'll be so happy and glad that you have the assistance!

I don't have bipolar, so can't answer much on that. I have a close cousin who is, but I still don't know a lot about it. Wish I could help!


05/16/2012 07:41 PM
hatbox121
hatbox121  
Posts: 11022
Group Leader

I agree. Cut off the phones. And if that doesn't work, sometimes you have to cut them off completely. It's sad, but some people are toxic. Or you can just tell them exactly what you think and go from there.

05/16/2012 07:54 PM
chipper1
 
Posts: 52
Member

I don't have bipolar disorder, but I have a lot of personal experience with others close to me who do. Adderall is very bad for people with bipolar disorder, it can very easily put them into a manic state, which it sounds like your sister may be in, with everything being a crisis. If she should not be stressed, she really should talk to someone and try to get diagnosed. I know that before a diagnosis, my husband was so stressed all the time, and after he found the right medication, his stress level is way down from what it used to be.

05/16/2012 09:10 PM
mabri
mabri  
Posts: 4769
VIP Member

Lily,

Your family just keeps on don't they...I'm so sorry. I agree 100%, turn the phone off, and listen to the message when you feel like it. No one is jumping to your side to help you out, so don't jump for them. I know it's hard, knowing what a sweet caring person you are, but you have to do it for yourself.

My daughter has bp, and I can promise you adderall is not a good med for that. Your sister needs to get to a psychiatrist, and get the diagnosis, and meds that can help her. My daughter just 2 months ago finally did this, and it has made such a difference for her. They put her on a mood stabalizer, prozac, and xanax for anxiety. She has suffered all her life with this, and she is finally getting the help she needs. There is no way she will get better without help. bottom line..You can't help her, it's futile for you to try. She needs professional help. My daughter has made a facebook page for Bi polar awareness, and there is a lot of good information there. Check it out if you get a chance. https:/www.facebook.com/AwareBPD/

Just don't forget, you have to take care of yourself, and help yourself first. Is there any way that the two aunts you have would be able to help you? I know it's hard to ask, but sometimes we have to. Keep in touch, and let me know how you are doing. HUGS


05/17/2012 04:32 AM
Montag
Montag  
Posts: 252
Member

Long ago I learned to `unplug` 2 hours before going to sleep.

Tell these ppl, you are shutting your phone off. Yet tell them only once why. Or you`ll be repeating yourself forever. Don`t buy into any arguments with these ppl or feeling you have to explain yourself over & over...b/c You don`t have any `obligation` to do so!

They`ll quickly learn to respect you more & you`re self esteem will grow!

You`ll be better able to deal with reality after you`ve claimed your space!!

I had to do this myself. I take NO calls after 4 pm. Only from my elderly folks. By 5pm the phone is off. What a great feeling when I hear my phone shutting down!!!Smile Peace at last!! Sigh!

14 years ago I answered the phone at 5pm & got into to an argument with my ex. I was so damn mad! Anyway i jumped on a chair to reach for a cobweb & before i knew it the chair & i went down together.....Result?

1 punctured lung

2 broken ribs.

I shut down every nite since.

Hope this helps-


05/17/2012 06:57 AM
broken
broken  
Posts: 11053
Group Leader

if you cant take vare of your self you wont be able to help others..I agree with the phone easier said then done I know...

sometimes we need to learn the words NO I cant! it is hard but with practice it get better...I am not sure if we have a family group for bi polar,but I know our bi polor group might be helful to you for advice..and I would suggest during a good day you talk to your sis about going to the doc.or even seeing if she would join the group for bipolar..and remeber we are here when you need to vent..fibro is a part of our life but we still have other issues along with it and we are here because we are all friends and if it concerns you we are here to help lend an ear shoulder


05/17/2012 02:31 PM
LilyRose4
LilyRose4  
Posts: 261
Member

Thank you guys for sharing with me about your family with bp, it gives me hope. I think I am going to have to bite the bullet and tell people honestly how I feel and draw boundaries, come what may. I never realized what a people pleaser and door mat I have been until know when I just don't have the energy for it anymore. I always though I was pretty assertive, but I am a chicken. And Good news (well trying to see the positive) My contract is up June 2nd so I can downgrade my expensive Android phone with premium data charge to the cheapest flip phone plan with the least amount of minutes, no texts, no data. LOL so that will solve the problem of all the calls and texts!!! It will be easier to turn off the phone since I wont use if for anything else. I will miss my apps though!!!
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