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04/19/2012 07:26 PM

***Finding HOPE in the FUTURE***

jeanetter44
jeanetter44  
Posts: 156
Member

Hi all,

It's been awhile since posting a question in the Fibro group. I hope you

all welcome me back. Smile

Having fibromyalgia poses many, many struggles for all of us. The one that I'm struggling with in the big picture is finding HOPE in my future. Prior to getting ill with this, I always knew somehow things would work out. I planned to be in Grad School THIS year, and being sick I feel like I don't have myself to count on, having to count on and rely upon others so much. I feel guilty, and outside of still being a good mother, worthless.

But worst of all, is this HORRIBLE feeling of DOOM and FEAR of the future, I have to somehow look FORWARD to the future, as I did prior to getting sick. This has been the HARDEST, most unnerving 'pill' to swallow.

It causes me so much angst, I'm wondering if anyone out there has ever felt this way, and if so, are you still there, how do you cope, and has anyone been able to overcome and restore HOPE for the future.

I haven't been able to work since Sept of 2009. I'm single, and live with my father who supports me now, and also am on welfare. It's a horrible feeling, self-worth in the toilet, and it feels awful to be on State help, although I really appreciate the help, there's NO DENYING that especially in these times (political and economical) those on "welfare" are among the most hated group in the country.

I worked very hard full time while going to school full-time to finish my Bachelors Degree, and still being there for my children. Who are now 22 and 14.

Any suggestions are most appreciated. I am being held "hostage" by my body and this illness and it's associated symptoms.

Thank you,

Searching for Hope!

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04/19/2012 07:32 PM
mem6526


04/19/2012 07:41 PM
jeanetter44
jeanetter44  
Posts: 156
Member

Angelonearth....^^^^^^That made Me SMILE AND LAUGH!^^^^^^ Thank you!

04/19/2012 07:43 PM
mem6526

jeanetter44,

You are most welcome! Hang in there. You are not alone.

This whole Fibro thing just plain sucks! Blink Dizzy Wassat


04/19/2012 07:52 PM
ushie
 
Posts: 1928
Senior Member

Hi, jeannette and welcome back! Please share your fears and your hopes, and we will share ours with you!

04/19/2012 08:07 PM
mabri
mabri  
Posts: 4770
VIP Member

Jeannette,

Welcome back to the group! We are always happy to see members return.

I know what you are saying about looking into the future. It really seems bleak at times, and not knowing what we are going to be like in 2 years makes it hard to plan the future. I guess the way I get through this is to take one day at a time. I try not to look too far into the future, that way I can't be disappointed if in that time I become too sick to follow through. If I can clean my shower today, I am happy. If I can do my laundry tomorrow, I am thrilled. Maybe this is a poor way to look at things, especially if you actually have dreams, and hope to make them come true.

If you have a dream, don't let fibro steal it from you. Sometimes you have to change the way you do things, but if you go after something with a passion you can do it. It may take longer, and will prolly be harder, but take it one day at a time. That's the only way. I hope you are able to do whatever you want! HUGS


04/19/2012 10:03 PM
bfly
bfly  
Posts: 4078
VIP Member

Okay, this may sound silly but I started doing it a while back and I rarely miss a day... Every time I would take a bath... I would find myself with still, alone time with me and my negative thoughts about even having to be in the stupid tub for even thirty mins of pain relief in the first place! So, I started a little ritual- I say ten things I'm grateful for from that day or whatever is placed in my heart... I did two loads of laundry- 2 1/2 actually! Lol... Today's pain was so much better than yesterday's all day in bed pain that I could brush my teeth and open milk bottles and didnt need a straw for coffee... The little things kind of sound pathetic on black and white replay- but the point is there ARE things to be grateful for and that puts me in a more positive place which allows me to even consider any hope... I'm still kind of a slave to this disorder- diagnosed in Nov of last year... But I'm getting there slowly... There being... Acceptance... Guess that's one of my current "hopes"... I feel for your situation and i do wish new and beautiful things for you- I don't even have children to watch over... You are stronger than you know. Hang in there. Welcome back and best wishes!

04/20/2012 10:19 AM
jeanetter44
jeanetter44  
Posts: 156
Member

Thank you all for your replies Smile

I do find momentary happiness in taking it one day at a time. And of course being grateful, as I have so much to be grateful for. It's just that I've lost sooooooooo much because of this, my anxiety peaks at the thought of losing even more. Mainly the house over my head as it's my father's house, he is 71 and doesn't have a will.

I found my mother deceased in her room last June and that traumatized me for sure. I sought PTSD counseling, it was a ONE time thing and it helped. I couldn't believe it. It stopped the intrusive thoughts of what she looked like deceased, as I've never seen such a sight, let alone it be my own mother.

I'm finally sleeping after 2.5 years of suffering severe sleep problems, and now I take seroquel, and get knocked out cold at night. So there's relief right there. And I thank dearly, one of the members here who PM's me, to warn me of side effects to look for, otherwise I would have never known as the doctors don't tell you what to beware of at prescribing. Well, none of my doctors have, which I believe to be a bit neglectful.

I'm currently reading this book "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" it's VERY good and I recommend it to anyone who is suffering. It even helped me with losing my Mother. I'm at peace as I know it was her time and she's no longer suffering, I just miss her terribly and it was such a HUGE LOSS for me. Unexpected.

Next I'm reading "Tuesday's with Mory" (sp?) I love to read these books, as it untwists myn thought pattern which has taken a huge dive. It takes considerably longer to read than before, as I suffer from blurred vision which changes from day to day. However with patience and persistence I can finish them.

I worked for 6 months sick everyday, I would come home and lay in bed and do nothing until the next morning I would get up and do it again. Until I could no longer move my head back and forth and lost all range of motion in my neck for three months straight. Anyone have that happen? I was in a neck-brace of and on for 1.5 years. Anyways, thank you for 'listening' and it's good to be back over here. Until the whole medical industry gets behind chronic lyme, I doesn't matter what you call it to me, the symptoms are identical of that of lyme disease. But my hands are tied, and it makes me crazy or 'crazier' (hahaa) to think I may have little spirochete bacteria inside of me. So I have to stick with the Fibro DX because I refuse to continue a treatment for which is so expensive and there's questions to whether I even have it or not.

God Bless you ALL!!! It's Friday...I take the weekend off from my troubles. That helps as well.

Much love,

J


04/20/2012 11:51 AM
mem6526

jeanetter44.

I am deeply sorry for the loss of your Mom.

prayer aa872a1d261b6f182a88dd193f6decf5


04/20/2012 06:35 PM
MoiraWolf
MoiraWolf  
Posts: 3416
Senior Member

Welcome back to the group! And I'm deeply sorry for your loss.

I understand about the "what do we have to look forward to" thoughts. I've gone down that path myself. But I look at Adewyn, she was as down as any of us can get, yet now she's going to Zumba! Sure it's taken her a long time, and probably 3x as long as someone who didn't have Fibro. But she's done it.

It's hard to be upbeat when you have such a chronic condition. But there are ways to help. One thing that pops immediately to mind, are you on anti-depressants? Depression seems to go hand-in-hand with Fibro, both because of the emotions, and because our condition is one of the brain and nerves and neurotransmitters, all of which are physically helped by taking anti-Depressants.

It sounds funny, but a Furbaby might also help. Receiving the unconditional love of a pet, dog, cat, bird or whatever, can be so uplifting.

As far as the house, you need to have a sit-down conversation with your father about getting a will in place with you as beneficiary and inheritor of the house, if that's his wish. Believe me, you don't want to have to go to probate court and fight for it. Taking half an hour and spending $100 or two at a lawyer's office is worth it's weight in gold compared to probate. Depending on your state, you can even get generic forms online, fill them out yourself and he'd just have to sign in front of a Notary Public to make them legal. That alone would probably ease your mind quite a bit, not worrying about where you'll go when he passes.

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