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11/06/2011 04:09 PM

Feel like I have been run over!

MumofNine
 
Posts: 12
New Member

So there I was all excited about the prospect of getting some help with all this shit I am going through (sorry but that is how I feel), and I decide to mend some fences with one of my grownup son's, his wife and my beautiful granddaughter! What a stuipid thing to attempt while I am going through all this. We have not talked for over three months, I don't want to go into all the details, but due to my health I can come across rude in certain situations I guess, when I am not feeling good, and just want to leave. Having this adrenal thing, which I did not know about then, obviously made my actions worse, I left their baby's christening abruptly from my son's inlaws house (they have made it very clear they do not care for me with their actions), so my son and daughter-in-law are furious I did not mingle!!! Bloody hell, mingle, it was all I could do to stay on my feel!!!!!

So anyway, all this has been eating away at me, and I decide to call him to fix it all. After listening to him and his wife, and agreeing to all of his demands about future visits, having to be around her family, and agreeing I was wrong, apologising........blah, blah, and really not being able to explain well enough what was going on, my body has basically crashed!!!!!!! I sat with my husband in the garage, smoking about three cigarettes ( I know I should not smoke, but started a year ago, when my mother-in-law died, due to stress) anyway, I have never experienced the shaking I had after the phone call like that at anytime in my life!!! I felt like a Parkinson patient, every muscle, nerve, if it could move, shook so violently. Needless to say, fibro is back with a vengence, body shakes, headaches, nausea, you name it, I have it!!

Sorry, but I cannot really talk to my husband about all of this, he does not fully understand all this stuff we go through. I just needed to vent on here!!!!!! Just to put it into words, hopefully may help!!! I have been on the couch all weekend, even my ambien did not help me sleep enough!!! Oh the pain!!! Next Monday I have my colon-oscopy to see what is going on with my stomach, then I can start to see what help I can get. But, it all is so expensive, so not sure how much we can afford! Anyway, back to the couch for me. Hope you all had a better weekend!!!! I was really good to vent!!! Smile

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11/06/2011 04:34 PM
gulfcrest
gulfcrest  
Posts: 114
Member

Really sad to read your post, glad you have a place to spill your emotions and pain and have understanding and empathy. I began smoking a year ago due to stress with my husband and have using an ecig some trying not to smoke as much. Hope you feel better, probably will once youve calmed down. Hope you feel better.

11/06/2011 04:51 PM
MumofNine
 
Posts: 12
New Member

Thanks honey, I really appreciate your feed back <3 Cannot believe what stress does to the body, really explosive!!! I just took a valium which the hospital prescribed to help relax my muscles, hope it works!!! I am so grateful to have everyone's support on here, it really means alot to me. Just knowing that it is not all in my mind, like a lot of people think, and knowing you all understand!! I keep promising myself to try and stop smoking in the New Year, but honestly, it seems to help at the moment! I have been told the ecig might help, so I am going to order a couple and see how I get on, lol!!!! I have felt so awful I cannot muster up the strength to get in the shower today, lol!!!

11/06/2011 04:56 PM
sparklehorse

Do they really not know how I'll you are and the nature of your illness?

It sounds like your hubby understands. Maybe?

Can he speak with them, too? That would take some pressure off you. Then you can meet them truly half way, being pleasant and mingling for short periods of time, and then they would understand why you really do need to leave and rest.

Social events are difficult for me. People do not realize how much energy it can take to mingle until they are I'll and have an energy deficit and/or are managing pain.

Very good luck with this.

Don't sweat the ciggies. You know they aren't good and will stop sometime soon.


11/06/2011 05:32 PM
MumofNine
 
Posts: 12
New Member

Thanks! Oh I told them exactly what is going on, especially the adrenal problem with not making much cortisol and how bad that is with stress. I was firmly put in my place, with "that is no excuse"!!!!! So, I at least tried to explain, but ignorance is hard to deal with. Stress really is a killer, and yesterday and today, I almost could have welcomed it! Now that is very sad Sad I am trying to rest to get myself back together again, especially for my little adopted children who really do not understand why Mummy keeps resting on the couch! Bless them, they are trying with all their mite to make me feel better, with lots of hugs and kisses Smile

11/06/2011 06:40 PM
ushie
 
Posts: 1928
Senior Member

Hang in there, and try to unstress ASAP!

11/06/2011 06:54 PM
mabri
mabri  
Posts: 4769
VIP Member

Mumofnine,

I am so sorry that not only are you stressed to the max, in pain, and having other physical issues, but are having to deal with ignorance. I guess it makes me angry that ppl who do not understand our/your illness' are quick to judge our actions. If you try to explain what you are going through, the wrong answer is "that is no excuse" If you are like me, you would go to the ends of the earth for your children and gchildren. I know it is hard when they dismiss your sickness as not being "social" It is a shame that they and their demands can throw you into a flare and stress to the point of severe shaking. I am sorry, but I don't have any compassion for ppl like that. You are his mother for God's sake, and to treat you like that is completely out of line. I know it is a two edged sword, because if you don't do what they want, they keep the gbabies from you. (I know, I have been in this situation myself) You are your first priority. If they cannot accept that you are ill no fault of your own, then maybe they should not be blessed with your presence. I know this is hard, but if they are pushing your health backwards, you have to do something. The only suggestion I may have, if it's even possible is to ask your son to accompany you to your dr appt and let the dr make him aware of just how serious your illness is. Like I said, he may not, but you can ask. Otherwise, you must take care of yourself, and the little ones you have at home. Just my opinion. Glad you vented here, I know it helps. HUGS


11/06/2011 08:14 PM
MumofNine
 
Posts: 12
New Member

Thanks, I am trying to destress!!! Every muscle hurts like made due to the severe shaking yesterday!!! I have left to ball in their court to call me when it is ok to visit~ that is if I am up to it! Off to bed now, and hoping to get some sleep. It is so nice to have this source at hand to let off steam with, lol!!! The only good thing is they live about two hours away in CT so I can always say we are busy Wink Great to have made some new friends on here that understand Smile Smile Smile

11/07/2011 06:40 PM
faieriemama
faieriemama  
Posts: 3346
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Mum I know how you feel, I shake all over like that when I get super stressed as well. I'm sorry that your son is unable to see what pain he is causing you, someday he will wake up and realize all that he has done, hopefully it will be soon. Sounds like you tried to handle it in a calm rational manner and paid for it in stress. Don't add to that by worrying about the ciggies honey I too smoke and know it's not the best thing for me, but right now is not the time to be worrying about quitting. That will come when the time is right and you will know when that is and so will I.

Since you have left it up to them to let you know when to visit, now you can just rest and de-stress. Take care of you and maybe just give them call and let them know you love them and wanted to see how they were doing and talk to the granddaughter if she's old enough. Less stressful than a face to face visit but leaves a window of communication open. Big hugs darlin' and remember to take care of you first.

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