well, I think I hit a wall last night and have been as low as I ever have been since being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. After a day of harassment by my two bosses and the guy I hired continuing his tactics to take over my job while I am struggling to define my new life, I get home to my husband who complained to my one daughter that he was tired of cooking every night for everyone and complaining about me. I confronted him about it and he blew up, screamed at me and slammed out of the house to go back to work. After returning from taking my daughter to have her dance pictures taken and sitting in the car for 1.5 hours, I get in and he made a huge show about not talking with me and talking about me to my daughters when I was out of the room, but just loud enough so I could hear all of his complaints, most of which had to deal with my new personality and behaviors since I became sick and that he is tired of my not trying to get better.
That night, my brother called to say his soon-to-be ex-wife finally served him with papers, wants to take all of his retirement, the house, one of the three children and child support for the other that she won't take and alimony. She left him over a year ago, treated their eldest two so terribly that the two despise her, and promised my brother that all she wanted was the vehicle and to share custody of their youngest. She has been N abusive mom who wouldn't work and help out during their 19 year marriage, had her eldest dUghter take care of her other two sons, and made my brother miserable, but he tried to stick it out for the kid's sake. He now has an attorney and we will have to testify for ho
I'm, so that is going to be a mess for him. I love him and my niece and nephews, so that hit me hard yesterday.
Then, I called my mom and dad. My dad is going in for a pace maker today. He's had two heart attacks andopen heart surgeries and had to have his heart shocked back int rhythm 14 times over the past 7 years. This is the last thing they can think of. I am very scared for him and my mom.
Needless to say, my pain level is out of control and I even contemplated suicide last night, going as far as to see if my life insurance would pay out if I did so the family would have financial support when I am gone.
My husband finally talked to me before bed and said tha i could qit my job...but that is so unrealistic since I make 150% more than he does. (he is a naturalized US citizen from Ecuador so has been terribly underpaid all of his life.). SSDI is a joke and would force me to go from $140K/year to $12k max...I had no idea that I was subsidizing people who worked onl part time most of their life through my SSI payments and couldn't receive enough to support me if I had to leave the workforce...we would lose the house, my eldest would have to drop out of college, my youngest couldn't take dance lessons or do anything her sister could...and as I have said in previous posts, my organization are trying to harrass me to leave after 25 years with the Federal government and doing such things as developing the National urban search and rescue and disaster logistics capabilities, responding to all but 2 national disasters from 1991 to 2004, serving as the senior disaster logistics officer for 9/11 operation in NYC and the Pentagon, running US&R ops in the Murrah building for Oklahoma City bombing and watching the extrication of 4 victims, running a displaced persons camp in Panama after the US bombed Panama City ousting Noriega and much, much more...I am being forced to leave because I asked for what I thought were minor accommodations.
I am down, out, and in serious, serious pain. So, I am convinced that stress does exacerbate pain.
Post edited by: Kvasconez, at: 05/20/2011 06:06 AM
