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04/06/2011 07:46 PM

a nasty sister in law

Posts: 29

I am so furious. Not like I should care, it happens all the time. I am a facebook user. I also work away from home during the week and go home to my family on the weekends. It was not an easy thing for our family but it was the only financial choice we have had. anyway back to the facebook thing. I will post things on there like 'I wish I were home playing with my kids" " I miss my family" " I love my hubby " Just general things that I have a had to sacrifice for the sake of not having to file bankrupcy. Consistanly, my sister-in-law will post things like "I love watching my kids play outside on the swingset." " spent a wonderful night with my family--love them" I have such a wonderful husband, we watched a good movie together tonight"

Is it just me or is she rubbing it in my face???? She has been doing hurtful things to me for the last 10 years you would think by now, I would get used to it...learn to deal with it....just not care. Everybody will tell me to just ignore her, stay away from her.... It is not so easy for me. I have come to realize in my therapy that coming from an abusive childhood (almost entirely neglect) I want to be accepted. I am overly nice, helping constantly, etc to hopefully get people to like me. I keep being nice to her even when she does these things. It may seem little to others, but to me who has nobody(I have no friends) I am always looking for ways to find a friend.

Being away from home is only making it worse. I can feel myself slipping down from my happiness. I am tying to do things for myself and I enjoy getting to do that. I only have 8 more weeks until school is done and I can go back hom for the summer Tongue

Thoughts...words of wisdom...anything???



04/06/2011 08:05 PM
Posts: 859

I'm so sorry and I can totally relate to the damn FB B.S. I really don't understand how shallow and belittling our own families can treat us like it shouldn't matter. You are not alone and please feel free to vent here about it. We are here for support and understanding and sometimes our families just don't get it. I deal with it from my own sisters and 1 of my brothers and it gets annoying so I try my best to just ignore them and live my life. I was seriously bummed earlier in the week because I started my new job and was so excited and posted things on Sunday and Monday night. I had tons of replies, congrats, happy for yous, etc from ALL FRIENDS and finally Tuesday night, my sister asked on Monday morning's post how the day went. And then my family wonders why I depend on my friends more than "family".

Anyway, thanks for sharing this and know that I will be thinking about you and sending you loving and warm thoughts for the rest of the week! ((((((((((hugs))))))))))

04/06/2011 09:23 PM

Two simple words...Block them. They won't be able to see your posts. They won't be able to see that they have been blocked. It will make your life much happier.

04/06/2011 09:24 PM

Hi, Jen. Smile I have been through this and I feel your pain when you say "you want to be accepted". I have struggled with being too nice, ya know, just my regular self, giving too much to others and not watching out for me. STOP IT! If you don't take care of you, then who will? Yes, we WANT to help, but saying no is also a healthy thing. K lol high 5, I have faith in you!

About the FB deal. Been there, done that. And you know what I figured. It was my own self being anxious about, "oh, this person said this bcuz of that" just a bunch of crap, but it was me all along. Sometimes we can get anxious enough to make ourselves believe that others are referring to us, when in reality, they never even thought about us, lol. But, if you believe this is reallt what she is doing. . . It is your choice to delete her, block her from certain things, which ever. You have a family to think of and worry about. Let her be her own problem. Honestly, if u can stand it. Delete your facebook. I did this and my stress and anxiety levels went way down.

I wish you the best of luck. Prayers going up for you and your family.

This is just my opinion. Smile

Tons of hugs!

04/07/2011 04:53 AM
Posts: 2805
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Jen, I am so sorry to hear that this is going on with you as well. Toxic people can be very disruptive to our lives. Some people just have to make others feel horrible because they aren't happpy with their lives, in some way. My best suggestion would be to block her from your profile. If you don't feel comfortable doing this, do your best to ignore her snide comments. Kill her with kindness is my way of doing things. When someone thrives on making me feel bad, I do my best not to respond to any negativity they throw my way. They usually don't know what to do with that. Wink

04/07/2011 06:45 AM
fibromitePosts: 810

I can also relate. I found with my fibro I just really can't let things roll off my shoulders like I used to. I become, not by choice, overly sensitive and I "used" to let toxic people get to me. I have learned to just not allow certain people in my life. As for facebook, I truly am not a fan and for reasons just like this. I have just heard too many stories stemming from conflicts on facebook including a divorce of close friends of mine for reasons one could supsect. I would stay away from it and find other ways to communicate with those you care about. I think it is setting you up for problems. Just my little bit about facebook. Good luck!

04/07/2011 11:30 AM


Don't let anyone look down on you, but be an example in life, love and faith. The one who sows to please their sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirits from the Spirit will reap enternal life. Don't you give up for your dream.

04/07/2011 12:46 PM
Posts: 140

I agree with all ocmthe above. I find FB to be full of drama. Frankly, I'm shocked at all the dirty laundry people will post for all the world to see. It's ridiculous. I've been know to "defriend" people who are driving me nuts with their drama. I also agree that sometimes we are just overly sensitive. We are way harder on ourselves than any one else, and sometimes overly sensitive to any perceived criticism. I know I have personally struggled with that. Sometimes our anxiety over others comments and actions is a reflection of our own negative self image. I'm not saying this is true in your case, it's just something to think about. It does sound to me like you're feeling some guilt about being away from your family, and that's only natural, but you can't let it get to you. You're doing what you need to do to support your're doing the best you can in a difficult situation. Give yourself a break. And if you're SIL is truly being that nasty and evil, maybe it's time you let her know how you feel. Life is way too short to surround ourselves with negative, nasty people. If you cant resolve things with her, maybe it's time to just cut her loose & rid yourself of the drama. Either way, you have enough to deal with without being critical of yourself, or others being critical of you. Be kind to yourself & let the drama go. You can't control other people's behavior, but you CAN control how you respond to it. If she's doing it to get to you, don't give her the satisfaction of knowing it worked. I hope and pray the next 8 weeks go by quickly for you so you can be with your family again! In the meantime, this is a great place to vent...we understand!

04/07/2011 03:01 PM
Posts: 1635
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Jen, I am so sorry that she has nothing better to do than rub it in. But one thing is for sure, You are the better person. It is hard to turn the other cheek as they say. Just know that the only one that matters is your hubby and kids. They know how hard you are trying to make things better for all of you, They are the ones that matter, NOT THE SISTER-IN-LAW, who has nothing better to do than put her nose in your business. Your hubby needs to say something to her, better yet, DON'T EITHER OF YOU PAY HER ANY MIND! She isn't worth it.

As for facebook, don't worry about her, Her life is so boring and she never goes anywhere, she has to make you feel guilty for being away from yours. Don't let her get to you, she isn't worth a grain of salt. You do what you have to for your family and the HELL with HER! If her life is so great, she would not be putting it on FaceBook. Think about it. Hope this helps? WELCOME TO OUR GROUP! God Bless You. shortstuff

04/07/2011 03:27 PM
Posts: 3632
VIP Member

All sites have their over share of Drama. Why not rejoin with a different name so that she doesn't know its you and avoid going to her page. You dont have to friend her. you can just be someone annon. but your family will know and know that it is you writing things for them alone.

If you change your ISP you will have a new number and just change everything.

You make the choice to friend her or go read her stuff. If you do not want that toxicity do not make that choice.

If I sound so sure of myself, it is because I have done this, and believe me it is much more pleasant only having your FB open to loved ones and not adding any toxic people or going to read their toxic veiled messages. Once you do it you will be surprised how drama free your life can be.

Some people thrive on drama. If you are not one of those people, change how you do what you do.

Good luck honey!



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