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11/23/2008 06:10 PM

family stressors + Fibro = Flare

Cori

I just posted about this in my diary so if you want some more in depth stuff you can see it there. But I just wanted to talk a little about my day and how family can make you flare. Today I took a trip to my dads it's about an hour and a half drive. I go there when my stress is high to take a nice quiet drive to the country and escape my everyday busy life. But my brother was at my dads yelling, cussing, and just generally hating the world and whining. You can't tell him to be quiet because he will just get louder. I used to be able to talk to him and help him somewhat. But I don't even try anymore. He is so disrespectful and rude and he has a major anger problem and he is very large might I add. So you never know what he is going to do. I had a nice visit with my dad, sister, my nephew, and my stepmom but listening to all the stress that he is causing them made me flare up even worse. He is on meds believe it or not and well he is just a jerk is how I would put it. (nicely) Anyways so my lazy trip to the country had me flaring and not feeling well so I came home. The drive hurt allot but I made it. And even managed to do the dishes when I got home yippee, tomorrow is Monday Sad But it is a short work week so I can't complain about that. W00t I wish you guys were here to come over for a movie night to help my anxiety levels come down. BYOHP (Bring your own heating pad) Smile
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11/23/2008 06:56 PM
ALCSS2008

It is amazing how much we can get stressed out by other people's behavior. I am glad you managed a decent visit with your family despite your brothers behavior.

I have alot of drama in my family too. It is good you have a short work week. I admire those of us who can still maintain a job. I couldn't do it. Have a nice Thanksgiving. I hope you are feeling better in the morning.

Sandi


11/23/2008 07:15 PM
Cori

Thanks, i just got into an argument with Nick to top off the day. Ugh.. he was complaining that Kami was having cereal for dinner because it has sugar. I explained that I am hurting and no one fixed dinner and he just wanted a snack a little cereal no big deal. then I proceeded to tell him how he isn't there for me just a snuggle on the couch but no I get a roll of the eyes. Dam the men! Sorry to any men here. Smile

11/23/2008 07:54 PM
Starr
Starr  
Posts: 3358
Senior Member

Cori, don't misunderstand this, but....why is he telling you off about what your child is eating? Kami is your son, not his.

I understand you two have a relationship and live all in the same house together, but until he marries you and adopts those children, it seems to me he does not have the right to be jumping all over you for decisions you have made concerning your children.

Okay, tell me to zip it and mind my own business, if you want. That just struck me wrong, I guess. Sorry. Sad


11/23/2008 10:10 PM
amommy02
amommy02  
Posts: 1891
Senior Member

What really amazes me is that you can get stressed by other peoples behavior online. I mean you can't see them or hear them but they can still cause you stress. I recently left an online support group because of the stress it was causing me. They fought constantly.

My kids eat cereal for dinner sometimes. If I fix something they don't like, or if I'm just too sick to cook. It's better for them than cookies, chips, and candy bars. Both my children are happy and healthy. They eat lots of fresh foods, very little junk food. The occasional bowl of cereal for dinner won't hurt them one bit. I'm guessing that he complained about what your child was eating because he cares about them, but if he doesn't like what you are feeding them he needs to get off his butt and cook for them (and you) himself. Am I right? Men!Angry


11/24/2008 02:47 AM
cats4me59
cats4me59  
Posts: 919
Senior Member

starr's right. he shouldn't stick his nose in unless he is willing to step up and be true husband and father.

11/24/2008 04:07 AM
abby36
abby36Posts: 111
Member

Hey, cereal for dinner is OK. I have it frequently. Much healthier than McD's which I had last night (oops).

I, too, have noticed that emotional stress can cause a flare for me-or at least some additional aches and pains if not a full blown flare.

As we get to Thanksgiving and Christmas, we should remember that emotional stressors can be positive too. Not just fights with the hubby.

I love my family-we're actually a stable happy functional (mostly) family. Sounds nuts, I know, but it's true. There will be 35 of us at Thanksgiving and we all look forward to it and love it.

But that doesn't mean it won't be hard, emotionally. You have to be friendly and cheerful, and visiting with everyone. And that's after you drive there-for me that's 4 hours at least. I am really looking forward to Thanksgiving because I've missed several family gatherings this year due to being sick. But I'm also nervous about how I will fare physically. Thankfully, honeypie is coming with me to help with the driving and I can sleep for the next 3 days if I want. But still, this is the first big family gathering for me after my diagnosis so I'm a little nervous.

My immediate family is coming to us for Christmas which I'm also really looking forward to. Again, we all get along and have a great time together. But to host the family, it requires that I clean (I'm a slob), cook-I'll have lots of help for that, and visit with everyone.

I'm very grateful that I have a family that understands. Everyone has been telling me to take it easy and that they will help me. We're having a really easy meal for Christmas and even going out for Christmas Eve which we've never done. And Mom's given me strict instructions "not to fuss".

But that doesn't mean it won't be a lot of activity and emotional energy. So we have to take a few minutes if we all can to take care of ourselves. Go to bed early-my family tends to stay up til all hours when we're together, eat right, don't forget the meds, and SIT DOWN when you feel tired or stressed.


11/24/2008 06:17 AM
Starr
Starr  
Posts: 3358
Senior Member

Abby, tyou are so fortunate to have a family where everyone gets along.

That four hour drive could be hard on you, so plan some time after arrival to just rest, if you can.

Also, if you're a slob (your word, not mine...lol), then don't put yourself through the pain and anguish of cleaning if you don't need to. Most cleaning companies will offer a one-time cleaning. Heck, let them do it!

Enjoy your holidays. Smile


11/24/2008 07:23 AM
KristieMarieL
 
Posts: 144
Member

BYOHP lmao I love that Cori!!!! You're so cute! Laughing

I have flares when dh is around. I think stressful people and situations do cause flares. I kinda dread the family gatherings for that reason. Especially his side of the family because after I sit in the car for 6 hours while driving there, then get out and it's a constant barrage of sh!t from his family.... ugh my neck just tightened up there!! Tongue lol


11/24/2008 07:44 AM
ALCSS2008

I have only recently altered my life to make things easier on me. I changed the way we eat to buy things that my husband or the kids can fix. Cereal sounds good to me. If someone doesn't like they can fix something else. I do the best I can.
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