Fibromyalgia Support Group

Ok, So I have resolved myself to that fact that I feel like you know what everyday and I try really hard no to say anything to my kids, BUT. They notice how bad I feel and now they have "hurts" that there is no reason for. Like Tummy, Legs, Arms and sometimes Back. When they complain of their "pain" it seems like they are using it to get out of doing jobs, like making their beds. I feel bad if I tell them to just go do what they are supposed to. How do I know if their pain is real? My pain started when I was young, 5 or so. With knee pain so bad I would cry myself to sleep. My mom didn't understand. When I give my girls a half dose of Ibuprofen they run off as if nothing is wrong when just a second before they were whinning like crazy. Half the time I am being played, but I feel so bad I cant even think straight and it is all I can do not to get mad.

Oh, My oldest son is 17...not complaining. My next daughter is 9 she complains of all over muscle pain and tiredness. My twin daughters are 5 they complain of mostly tummy aches when they need to go #2 or leg pain that really bothers them when it comes to doing chores.

Anyhow now that you know how old they are...Maybey you have some advice?? When I turn chores into a game one of my twins loves it and will get things done, but the other two girls are another pain in my side. I am not sure how to motivate them. I tell them I will take things like video games, computers, tv away, to no avail. It took 3 days of restriction before I finally took care of their playroom and bed room myself. I was feeling well enough that day to do it, so I took advantage of the time I had. The two that usually are the most difficult were left on restriction while my "brown noser" that is so helpfull got all her privledges back. That actually sparked a fire under the other two to do more, but still all the complaining of pain from them. Could this poss be real pain for them or is it too soon for that type of pain??

I have to go pick them up at school so I'll check back in a little while.

Thanks for letting me complain and whine. I dont get to do that here for fear of it rubbing off on the kids any more than it already has.

Linda

I just wanted to bump this up to see if anyone has any advice on how to handle the mysterious pains my kids complain of. I have really tried not to use the "My whatever hurts...so not now" excuse with my family, but they know I when I am in a bad place and cranky. Since I dont get the dishes done they think that if they have "pain" they dont have to get their jobs done.

Linda

My daughter is 11 and always has that tummy ache and those leg pains too...especially when it comes to chores. I think a big part of it is that kids don't understand your pain with fibro, so they think they can use that as an excuse too. It could also be a bit of growing pain at that age.

If they are complaining of tummy aches when pooping, ask if it's hard to poop. Maybe they're constipated and a prune or 2 a day will take care of that.

Doesn't sound like anything that unusual to me...my daughter acts like she has fibro when it comes to doing things....she just doesn't understand that my pain is nothing compared to her stuff. She's really dramatic when she gets hurt and makes it so much more than it is. She wants that attention from daddy most of the time.

Don't worry about it unless you notice that it's really getting in the way and then maybe a chat with the dr. will help. My daughter's dr. told her she needed to be sure that if she complained about pain, she really needed to be in pain.

I'm with cornbread on the attention thing. it's what kids do, especially the younger ones and especially if you're getting lots of attention and pampering because you really are sick.

something to try maybe, which may sound cruel in writing, but i don't mean it that way. if they really are in pain, do something that will make it hurt. hug them hard when they're NOT complaining. or surprise them and poke them in the shoulderblades where it always hurts for fibro folks and see if they react.

not trying to be mean, but i pulled that kind of crap as a kid...lots of attention-seeking behavior. but my mom's a smart smart cookie and she always called my bluff. when i whined that i was sick and wanted to stay home, she let me but didn't baby me. i was plunked on the sofa (no tv in the living room when i was a kid), and given a box of tissues, a trash can and a drink and a book and then left alone. so i learned that faking sick got me nowhere and i was better off at school where mom wasn't driving me nuts anyway! lol

now, saying all that, i have always had some ache or pain. i just posted on the "what other diseases" post about having scoliosis. so i know i had sore heels, bad hips, etc early on. i don't think i really started the fibro symptoms until late 20's at the very earliest, but more likely, this past winter (i'm 36 now).

something else you can do, which can backfire tho, is take them to the docs. have them undergo bloodwork and a test or two. maybe that will be so unpleasant that they stop complaining! or maybe something will be discovered and then you can work on getting them better.

good luck!

I wish I was being taken care of, but I have to take care of everyone else. When I am stuck in bed I am on my own. My husband works so I get the sick kids and still have to care for myself. I agree that taking them to the doc for blood work just might scare them enough that they will quit complaining, or just complain when they are actually sick or hurt. I guess I am just tired of having to take care of everything and nobody taking care of me on my bad days. My hubby still is thinking that I should just "suck it up" and go to work. I know he doesnt mean to be meen, he just doesnt understand. He told me that since he cant see it with his eyes that it is difficult to understand what I am going through. Right now we are so financially strapped that I need to do something for money, but so far nothing is worthwhile and most days I cant stand up straight, much less actually get something productive done.

I am going to talk to the girls again about pain and what is worth complaining about.

Thanks guys,

Linda

Well, Linda

I understand how you feel, afraid to not take them to the doctors incase there is something and you are not validating it (like you're mom did to you) and there turn out to be something wrong.

But on the other hand not having the energy or pain tolerance to take them. Yet there are still everyday chores and responsibilities that still need to be met.

It is your personal choice.

If it were me, I would find a way to take them to the doctors to get them checked for fibromyalgia etc. just to give you peace of mind. That in itself will help you alot. For now and future issues that may come up with the children and how to deal with it.

If they are using the pain as a tool for attention seeking, maybe try setting time aside after chores for "special time"

This could be done on a one to one basis with each child 1/2 hour per day. And / or one night a week when you watch a movie with them, one of their choosing. one night per child, one night for hubby, one night just for you! 1/2 hour per child per day 1/2 hour for hubby per day, 1/2 hour just for you a day!

Maybe use the When and Then strategy.... when you do your homework or when the dishes are done , then we will have mommy or daddy time. at supper it is family time.

With privlages comes responsibilities, "When" is the responsibility and "Then" is the privalige. When they finnish supper then they can have dessert. When they clean their rooms then they can watch TV. When they do homework, then they can play with their friends. When your done your mommy time with one child then it will be the other childs mommy time.

Just a couple of suggestions to try and see if it helps. As for the husband part, my husband didn;t really start to understand until he met the husband of another women that had the same as me and how he helps his wife. Then my husband understood and helped more, and tried to support more.

It is really hard for us to deal with and it is really hard for someone that loves us to deal with too. Because they feel powerless, they lerterally don't know what to do besides watch the person they love be in pain. It does effect them too.

I found that sometimes I need a break from this pain, I think my hubby needs a break from this pain sometimes too.

There was a while there, that he was the only one I was leaning on, it was a alot I was putting on his shoulders. After a while, I had to start looking for more help if I wanted my marriage to last. So I started relying a little more on my church friends. And online friends, just to give my hubby a bit of a break now and then.

Anyway, sometimes, I talk to much I think now is one of those times. I wish you well. Please let me know how you and the family are doing.

Take Care,

Suzanne

I love the advice. I hadn't thought about putting chores into a When and Then context. I used to be on top of this kind of stuff, but we all know how it goes. Can they check kids for Fibro? I thought it did not show up till later in age. My dd twins are 5, my next dd is 9 and my ds is 17. Thanks for the advice. I really appreciate it.

Linda

When I was working with individuals with behavioural issues we used to use the when then approach to chores etc. It usually works very well.

Good Luck,

P.S.

Even used it on hubby a couple of times hehehhe