Fibromyalgia Support Group

For those of you that work outside the home, do you have many close friends that you do things with at work? I use to have a lot of friends I would do things with and talk with at work. I knew so much about their lives.

After I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, my old friends eventually left. No one new understood I was sick. (I didn't jump out and tell them.) I was too exhausted to go when invited places, and eventually the invites stopped. It was always nice to be invited even if they knew I wouldn't be going.

Now there are many employees I've worked with for 10 years who know I have fibromyalgia, who don't get it. They go behind my back and complain about how slow I am. It's not that I'm especially upset about it. I am slow. I just feel like an outsider when everyone chit chats and excludes me. I feel it is because I don't have the energy to go places with them after work or the time to get to know them well at work.

So I wondered, does having Fibromyalgia and the associated problems (slowness, slurred speech, brain fog, inability to do things after work, etc.) affect everyone in the same way, or maybe at larger businesses, or ones that are more suitable for people of our needs would it be easier to be included in the circle of close friends who knew everything about you and cared?

I am trying not to sound "woe is me" here. I'm just curious. If you are responding, do you have any thoughts as to why things work the way they do where you work?

Everyone where I work is real nice, I know there's talk behind my back and that there's a rumor going on that I may be quitting, the way I'm feeling lately it might become more than a rumor...LOL

Yet I am not real close with any of them... they are all very different from me... I don't know, I never related easily with people, I'm just glad we get along

Hugs

Paula

Hi there! It can be so difficult being chronically ill in a world that doesn't understand.

I would recommend showing them this: http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by- christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/

It's really amazing! I just love it

Hello!

I understand exactly where you are coming from. I am a woman and used to go shopping with friends....until I started having problems with my legs. I literally cannot walk in a mall, or very far at all. I am invited out to lunch tomorrow at Macy's in the mall. They want to do some shopping after lunch so instead of riding with someone, I have to drive alone and hope I make it in time because I walk very slow because of the pain when I do walk. I used to walk with some of these girls years ago and after I refused when the problems first started (after refusing just a couple of times) I was never asked again. They do still call me once in a great while to chat, but a lot of times I get a lecture that I should be out there exercising and that I can help myself by doint that, and on and on, but they don't get it because.....it is invsible, they can't see it. We look normal, and they just don't get it.

While I have tried to educate some of my friends and family I think maybe one person just recently got it and I'm not sure it will stick with her. I feel your pain, I really do. I wish it could be differnt, but sometimes "normals" are heartless and don't care. However, in the post above annamarie has posted something really good to give to people to help them understand. Try that and see how it works.

Keep us posted on how thing are going. You always have a friend here. We are all your friends. I have come to see all of my friends here, my family and friends. I hope you come to feel the same way.

I wish you the best, and don't forget to keep us posted.

Christine

Hello! I've had something very very similar happen to me at work as you and Christine. Before FM hit like a ton of bricks I worked more hours than anyone here (other than possibly the attorneys at times). I'm a legal secretary in a relatively small firm. My co-workers used to tell me how "crazy" I was for working so much overtime. And then along came fibro......... and I began having trouble concentrating, trouble getting to work on time, never mind early as every had grown so used to seeing. After some time, when my boss finally figured out fibromyalgia isn't curable, I switched from trying to work full-time so that now I'm a part-time employee. That doesn't mean my boss doesn't want me here full-time 'cause that's what he prefers but he knows I usually can't do it. I am free to work full-time or even overtime but most generally just can't.

Now, those same people who told me I was "crazy" for working so much will hardly speak to me because I just suddenly turned into a lazy bum apparently. Many of my co-workers worked here when I became ill so they are well aware of my diagnosis. I make sure I explain to new employees what my illness is and that I am a part-time employee so as to attempt to avoid the jealousies that are so rampant because of my work situation. I do feel privileged to be able to continue working here and come in later than others when I need to -- which right now if fairly often. Mornings are usually my worst time of day. My boss and I refer to 5:00 pm as "the stampede." I almost always work late to make up some of the time I miss in the early mornings but, of course, that isn't taken into account. Other than telling new employees that I am a part-timer and why and answering their questions if they have any, I don't talk about my fibro anymore. People do not understand. Even my co-workers who tell me they have "a friend" who has fibromyalgia don't understand or even attempt to understand.

The office manager, a female who I've worked with for the entire time I've been here which is 26+ years, has told me more than once that I just need to "try a little harder" and I'd be fine. (Uh, no.) She and another co-worker who has been here longer than me have "accidentally" allowed me to overhear their conversations about me and how all I need to do is try harder and "lose a little weight" and I'd be fine. (I guess that's the cure for fibromyalgia we are all looking for. Just try a bit harder and lose some weight and we'd all be fine????????)

And, no, I'm never invited to go to lunch with "the gang" or to do anything else with them. I've gotten to the point of not caring anymore. Obviously the people who I work with who I once considered friends are not my friends. I have a friend from Germany who once told me that his co-workers are colleagues and are not to be considered friends. That helped me a lot in coming to terms with all this.

Sorry for my rant!

Sending you loads of cyber hugs! I know how hurtful the behavior of co-workers can be. And I'm sorry you are experiencing it!

Red

I kind of thought it went with the territory. Nice to know that it isn't just me.

I have read the spoon theory twice before and yesterday I was going to print it out on something nice but subtle and post it on my locker. I wasn't sure if that was too blantant. People could choose to read or not to read. My other thought was to put it inside my locker and pull it out if anyone wanted to know about fibromyalgia. I could also staple to it what all the symptoms are and how stress makes us sick. That of course would not be posted on the outside of my locker. Does anyone have any subtle hints of how to make it available to anyone that might be interested and making it known that they may ask you if they are interested?

I can relate to this subject, to some degree, but I'm no longer working. When I became ill & was forced to quit both my jobs, people in my town (very small!) Would see me & say, 'what happened to you?! This just isn't you, Sha!' All those co-workers would ask my family members about me & how I was doing & stuff, but as far as anyone coming to visit, never happened. I don't think they just couldn't handle seeing me so down. Whrn you see someone up & going 90 to nothing all day, every day, then something takes you out completely like these ailments have, its a shock. I was told just the other day by an aquaintance that all he ever heard about me was that I was a no good lazy b**** that never did anything. Evidently the man I was with is the one tht said it! So, no, I don't trust too many people around me. It can be very difficult at times not having someone you can trust to be there for you & to go do things with when people can be sao cold.

Keep your head up & stay strong! You are worth it!

It is not just fibro that brings out the worst in co-workers. 10 years ago I had open heart surgery to repair a valve in my heart and I worked half time for about 4 months afterwards. One guy said to me he wished he could be me and work part time. So I offered to trade my defective heart, shortened life spam and my scarred chest for his full-time position. He never mentioned it again. All his pea brain could see was that I was working few hours than he was.

Traci