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09/12/2010 09:43 PM

I had a nervous breakdown today

Lydias
 
Posts: 14
Member

I don't have to explain to you guys how hard it is to do every little thing each day (I spent about an hour trying to express this through my sobbing to my dad). On top of this I'm in my hardest semester of school that I will probably ever have. I'm overloading myself, intentionally. If I take fewer classes then I'll take an extra semester to graduate and I do not have any confidence in my determination:I know I'll drop out again. I HATE school but I'm so close to finishing with a really good degree. It's so much stress, I'm a math major and I literally have 40+ hours of math homework a week. On top of that I'm a philosophy minor so I have huge amounts of reading to get done every other day and papers to write every week. We are looking at 60+ hour work week including class time. Obviously, I have no friends, social life, or a release. I'm just tense all the time and I know that doesn't help my condition.

And on top of that I've been dealing with bed bugs in my apartment. And on top of that when I got home tonight I saw a mouse ON MY STOVE. I completely freaked out and grabbed everything I needed for school and retreated to my parents house where I am now. I cried the whole 30 mile drive home. My dad said I can't freak out over small things like this, but I finally got across to him that a small thing like this is the straw that broke the camels back.

He tried to comfort me by giving me options like "take a semester off, or do travel abroad!" But this just made me cry even harder and say "I can't travel abroad, there's no tempurpedic mattress in dorms" (I had a botched spinal tap 2 years ago, my sciatic nerve was permanently damaged and if I sleep on anything but a tempurpedic mattress I'm in complete agony and can barely walk for the next few days AHHH A MOSQUITO JUST BIT MY FACE)to which he laughed and I said "don't laugh, this is my life." He stopped laughing immediately and I think he finally understood how much I'm held back in life.

This was basically a rant, I don't intend to lighten my course load, I would like to move out of that gross apartment though.

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09/12/2010 11:02 PM
annamarie180
annamarie180  
Posts: 1698
Senior Member

I'm sorry things are so rough right now!

I admire your strength though Smile You can do it - I know you can!!!!

Let me know if you ever need someone to talk to <3


09/12/2010 11:12 PM
raynedae
raynedae  
Posts: 8219
VIP Member

I am so sorry you're so overloaded like this right now. It must be hellish fighting bedbugs on top of a school load like that. I'm glad your Dad finally "got" what you were saying to him. I wish there was something I could do to help.

We're here though to listen, anytime you need to vent. Bless you sweetie and just keep in mind that school is only temporary.

hugs,


09/13/2010 03:24 AM
bc1028
bc1028  
Posts: 3383
Senior Member

I am sorry you are having a rough time. You sound like you are seriously overloading yourself although I understand why. I hope you do not have much longer in this semester. Would moving back in with your parents be an option? Maybe they could help you with somethings to take some of the pressures off. I hope you feel better soon. Come here anytime you want to vent , it is a great place for that.

09/13/2010 05:18 AM
mem9113

You seem very strong and determined,otherwise you could just go hide somewhere but you have a purpose and a mission to move forward,this disease dibilitated me so that I could no longer work, I never know how I will feel when I open my eyes and the last 2 days its been headache and nausea. I have an overractive mind that wont shut off just because i'm sick, I feel I must be doing something and I don't know how to relax but I do know that if I do too much I get a flare up and that keeps me in bed for days. Pace yourself if you can instead of loading yourself up with too much and as for the bedbugs, they are running rampant all over the country right now! I live in a house and we found them 2 weeks ago in my oldest sons room and had to fumagate the house, they are nasty things and that made me sick so I understand, did you find them in your mattress? we had to throw my sons mattress out.

If you need to talk I am here for you

hugs to you and hoping you can slow down a notch

Adelle


09/13/2010 07:20 AM
PCG
PCG  
Posts: 2259
Senior Member

HI there Lydias! I'm really sorry things re so hard right now but I'm sure they'll look up soon, and in the meanwhile and always, you have us here to vent to and we'll understand!

Hugs

Paula


09/13/2010 01:27 PM
Lydias
 
Posts: 14
Member

Hey everyone thanks for the responses. So I did decide to take the plunge and drop one of my classes, so I'm in this for 2 more semesters after the current one Sad Sure it's prolonging something I don't like, but there's no point in doing a marathon of school if I'm going to throw away more of my physical and mental health. Now I just need to figure out what to do with my rodent/pest problem. I'm staying with my folks till that gets sorted. I hope I can try to relax and calm down now, and maybe even try to enjoy life from time to time. Do any of your ever feel like no matter how much you do, you should be doing more? I need to get over this notion and stop comparing myself to people that are totally healthy.

09/13/2010 02:35 PM
mem9113

Oh do I know that feeling, I am 50 years old and have had this disease for 8 years and when I am layed out on my back my father is in my head saying I need to be doing something, cleaning something, there is always something to do, sitting still or relaxing as some people call it (I don't know what that word means) was not allowed so it is very difficult when my body needs rest for me to do so. My body says rest my mind says get it all done! we have to reprogram or reteach ourselves to say its ok, I'm sick and need to rest the dishes will still be there when I get up.

the rodent and pest problem should be handled by the apartments not you!

hugs to you

Adelle


09/13/2010 03:00 PM
raynedae
raynedae  
Posts: 8219
VIP Member

Yes, Lydias, you need to stop comparing yourself to others completely. You are you and others don't have your limitations. We all admire you greatly for managing to get so close to graduation with fibromyalgia. You're doing great honey and you've got all of us on your side. Good decision to drop a class.

For the bed bugs, are your landlords helping you? They should have to pay for exterminators and if they're smart they will be. Most aren't known for their intelligence though. I'm kind of fearful (OK I'm phobic) about bugs so I've been doing some research, just in case. Apparently they do not like high heat (above about 120 degrees) or very cold, but they can go dormant in cold. They're tiny and can live in cracks in walls, floorboards & especially under the moulding at the bottom of the walls.

The best way to get rid of them is to get a steam cleaner and clean all the cracks and crevices around the infested rooms. Then buy Diatomaceous Earth (here's a website: http://www.dirtworks.net/Diatomaceous-Earth.html) and sprinkle it around the edges of your room and really work it into any cracks or crevices. You can take the wall outlets off and pour the stuff in the walls. It works because it's miniscule, but has very sharp edges and cuts the nasties and they die from their wounds. It's non-toxic to humans and pets though.

Steam clean your mattresses, vacuum them and then enclose them in plastic bags bought specifically for bed bugs. Keep your bed at least 6 inches from touching the wall, tape over any cracks in your bedframe or headboard and either coat the feet of the bed in vaseline or fill small containers (like tuna cans) in Murphy's wood soap and put the feet of your bed in the containers. Some people also wrap double-sided tape around the bottom of their plastic wrapped mattresses.

All your bedding has to be washed and dried using the hottest possible settings every day for at least a week. Any upholstered furniture should be steam cleaned daily and vacuumed and the vacuum bag thrown away in a sealed container or double knotted plastic bag. I've read that the bugs don't like thyme, so you can sprinkle that around and I've also read they don't like dryer sheets, so you can put them under your couch/chair cushions after they've been cleaned & vacuumed. Some people also put the dryer sheets between their mattress & box springs.

That's the non-toxic way (except the dryer sheets LOL) to deal with them. Roach hotels don't work. There are some bug sprays that are supposed to work but make sure they do say for bed bugs on the label. I've read that Home Depot makes a good one.

Exterminators cost a fortune because they have to keep coming back to kill the nymphs. If you find new bugs stuck to your double-sided tape, it's time to clean, steam, vacuum again and again. The People's Pharmacy has a homemade "trap" to use if you think you might have them but aren't sure. Just go to their website and search on bed bugs.

Good luck. I've heard they're a nightmare to get rid of but people can do it. A friend of my daughter's got rid of his using poisons and himself as "bait"....ew!!! Then he put his mattress in a camper shell and left it in the sun for a whole day--it was over 120 degrees in the closed up shell. Then he steamed it & vacuumed it before he put it in a mattress cover for bed bugs.

If you can afford to move, make sure you steam and vacuum all your belongings very well before bringing them into your new place. I've also read that rubbing alcohol will kill the bugs too so keep a spray bottle handy.

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