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bshapiro Posts: 467
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Please continue your thoughts here- The thread was getting a bit long & unwieldy. I thought I'd start part II so we didn't have to scroll & mouse as much (ok I admit it: my hands are bad this week & that's why I thought of it). Post edited by: bshapiro, at: 11/22/2007 13:00 |
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Snoopy30 Posts: 1438
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HAMPTON7026 wrote:Very well said cj!! This topic has been a touchy one we even lost members over it but it is a place that we can say are feelings to each other instead of scaring our families to death. Those members that are left will always be here for each other no matter what the topic is and to me that is my comfort. Very well said Hampton and absolutely true. While I hate the fact that we have lost members, I think it is important that we are able to say the unsayable to each other. If we can't do it in a "support" forum where are we to do it. I don't know where I'd be right now if I hadn't found this site. I was feeling very much at the end of my rope when I came here looking for help. I have never been one to ask for help from anyone in my life no matter what the trauma or illness was. But it was very easy to reach out to all of you here. I will always be here for you when you need me and I know you'll be here for me. I want to thank you all for that. And Bruce your right is was getting to be a lot of scrolling thanks for extending a new thread Karen |
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jaime1978 Posts: 2399
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I agree that it's aweful that we've lost members over this subject. but this IS a support group first and foremost, we need to be able to say what we need to say. With having this topic out there it might just save lives. it gives people a safe place to unload those desperate feelings. And sometimes that's all a person needs. It's healing to know that you are NOT alone in this fight, that you aren't the only person who has considered and thought about suicide. Yes, suicide is a touchy subject for me, my father shot himself when I was 9 years old. I was pretty messed up for a LONG time over that. And still, I've had those same thoughts myself. Of course, unlike him though, I refuse to actually do it. I could never put my own kids thru that. But that doesn't mean I can't ponder the subject. And I'll even say "i just want to die" or stuff like that (not in front of my kids).... my step brother hung himself a week before Christmas last year....it's going to be a very hard xmas this year I'm sure...all the first holidays without someone always are. Please do not take anything I say as medical advice. I am not a doctor.
~lyme disease support group leader~
please pm me with any special concerns |
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ponderingreality
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all i know, is if i knew for a fact that my kids would handle it ok, and my mom and daddy (having no other kids) would be alright... i would check out early. i know the whole 'only unforgivable sin' thing... but honestly... the thought is so provoking, no more pain, no more disappointment, no more DOCTORS, no more medicine, no more worries, no more feeling inadequate no more feeling helpless, no more feeling like a sub-human, no more crying, no more PAIN... in know i already said that, but its a biggy. however... i ain't gonna do it. i have put everyone else around me first... which is what i always do... oh there is another reason... lol. we will be ok. i don't know why, and am blue-er than indigo, but i will come up out of this eventually, but as far as having something to look forward to? i don't have anything either. didn't mean to bum anyone out. and isn't blue a stupid color to call depression, blue is pretty. it should be called fuchsia, or gray, or lime green something less appealing, yeah? i am out for the night... again, seems like i have beens sleeping for days. i hope we feel better, surely... this too shall pass... why do i hear my mothers voice every time i think of that, i guess because she is a smart woman. i wish there was a visible ladder for me to climb out of this funk. i'll just keep looking, and will post if i find it. lol pondering colors... |
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Snoopy30 Posts: 1438
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Please do because you may have to share it today. |
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natesmommie Posts: 112
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to me a depression color should be gray,not blue |
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Squeaker Posts: 20
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Reading these stories, brought me to tears, literally. Today is my birthday and if I had succeded in my great attempt at suicide, 7 years ago, I wouldn't be here to say my part. In 2001, I took all of my stored up pills and a bottle of booze to wash it all down. Well, needless to say, I didn't make it in my run from this world and the pain. I only ended up in a Mental Institution for a month under a good amount of therapy and people asking me, "WHY?" Didn't they freaking understand. I could no longer deal with all of the pain, the emotional issues from it and the newly dignosis of HepatitisC, to go along with it. When I was finally able to see someone, I walked into the waiting room and there sat my youngest son with my two week old grandson in his arms. He didnt see me come in and I could see tears running down his face as he silently cried. He finally looked up and all he said to me, was, "My son needs a Grandma and I need my Mom". We both sat there and cried. I had selfishly thought that the best way out of all of this was to "bale out" my own way. Well, I heard it from all of my family and friends of what THEY went through when I did this and what THEY would have lost by my death. My husband had passed away when I was 43 and I had the seven boys and I thought about none of them. Well, God had His own plans. 1) I didn't succeed 2) I have my 7 sons and 24 grandchildren and greats 3) I did the Pegysys/Copegus treatment (a form of chemotherapy) for 6 mos and I am hepetitis free 4) I have a new husband 5) I am celebrating my 64th birthday and going to my sons for my birthday party. Do I wish that I had succeeded? Sometimes when I am going through so much. Would I do it again? Not in my lifetime. I feel so much pain and empathy for those that are thinking about it. I pray that you don't do it. Yes, the thought passes through my mind on a regular basis but that is it.....IT JUST PASSES THROUGH.... Think of all of the people that love you. They may not understand what we are going through and possibly, never will. Just try to understand that they HAVE NO CLUE. Its so very hard to understand something when you aren't and never will go through it. It was kinda like when my husband died. I had sooooooo many of my friend come up to me and tell me, "I know how you feel" I used to get so ticked off at that because none of them, at that time, had lost their husbands, so how did they KNOW?? Now, as we have gotten older, so many of them have lost their hubbys and I can truly say, "I know how you feel". I think we just have to try to teach our significan others and family, to have a little coompassion. Love to all of you and I hope this long winded note helps you to understand the OTHER side of suicide. I would never do it to them, again. Hugs to you all |
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hopefulwishful Posts: 211
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I tried suicide in 1978 thankfuly I didn't suceede. a bottle of pills and booze. the DR didn't know how I survied I should have been dead. The DR woke me up on that I was going through a divorce (the only man I will ever love) He said your giving him what he wants and that give me the courage to fight to live,unfortunatly my husband did committ suicide. I think he was undiagnosed bipolar.I have 2 wonderful sons and 2 granddaughters.I saw how much it would have hurt them he did hurt them,He missed so much.My youngest son is a Baptist preacher.My youngest was 6 he missed getting to know his dad hes very wishful to have know him doesn't really remeber him Hopefulwishful |
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Snoopy30 Posts: 1438
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Squeaker and Hopeful, How very brave of you both to share such personal stories with us. I am in awe of you both for rising above and conquering what you needed to at those times. I'm so glad you are here with us. You have both given us more to think about on this subject as well as the feeling of strength to get beyond it |
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kychick Posts: 434
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I agree with you on the bravery to speak up on a very touchy subject I think that all of us,when we are at our lowest point in pain and the mental anguish we go through of feeling so inept in our own lives have had these thoughts at some time. I want you both to know that your bravery of telling your story may have saved a life out there. It may even be the reason that you weren't successful. I know I'm glad that you guys are still here and helping others cope and hopefully getting some understanding and now a place to share those feelings with people who really does understand how you feel. |
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