Fibromyalgia Support Group

I had my m-i-l over from Fri-Sat. She and I had a heart to heart. Her son and I are newlyweds. Both on our 2nd marriage. I have 4 biological children, he has none. I'm only 41 but I had my tubes tied 13 years ago. My m-i-l told me she would pay for me to get my "tubal" reversed after I told her I would so give my husband a baby if I could. I COULD NOT BELIEVE SHE WAS OFFERING THIS GIFT TO ME/US. She said she would love for us to have a baby. My husband came home from work and we talked to him. He was all for it at the time but after he slept on it he brought up some major valid points. 1) he's going to be 50 in Oct. 2) my health issues 3) that I have mentioned in the past that I didn't want to deal with the baby stuff anymore 4) finances (we need two incomes and we break even now and have minimal "extras"), cost of babysitter, raising costs, etc. 5) 18 years+ commitment 6) the fact that I'd want to stay home full time preferable but work part time if I had to 7)could we give this baby the life it deserves because of our age 8) a baby would totally change our lives.

I so agree with him because I do understand all of those arguments. BUT HAVING SAID THAT, yesterday I had a few hours of pure hope and planning for the baby I thought I MIGHT have IF the tubal reversal worked. I'm surprised by the sense of loss that I'm feeling now. I've been on the verge of tears all day. I was so excited that I couldn't sleep last night. I even momentarily thought of possible names for this baby. But if I'm honest with you everytime a doubt would enter my brain, I would push it away thinking to myself "it will all work out". Hey that's how I did it with my other children, and it did always work out but sometimes it was SOOOO DIFFICULT!

I realized that it is probably a good thing that we stopped this "plan" so quickly because if I hadn't been able to conceive after the reversal, judging by my reaction now, I would have been an emotional wreck.

I've wanted to talk to someone all day but how do you go to family and tell them something like this without sounding like a total nut case.

Thanks for listening. Hugs

Is there anyway you could "borrow" a baby and see how it affects you. Do you have family or friends that have a baby that would be willing to let you watch a few times? How old are your kids? How much longer until you would be a grandma? Or maybe even fostering a child? Just some thoughts......You can tell me to mind my own business..LOL

-Kristen

You don't sound like a total nut case. You just sound like a responsible adult making a very hard decision. You may have stopped the plan but children are just wonderful to have around, and to have that little bit of a thrill as a possibility would be very hard to give up. Id probably be in tears too if I were you! Your very strong to have been able to make the decision to not go through with that, there are many people out there that would be selfish and not think about the whole picture like you have. I actually know someone that did that recently just so she could say she had a baby with her husband not caring that they were already undable to afford the care for her other children.

You deserve some hugs and condolences. You must be an awesome mom!

Alicia

Hey Prayin,

I can really relate to this. I had one daughter after a horrendous pregnancy and my husband and I decided one was enough, so 6 months after she was born I had my tubes tied.

A couple of years after my first husband died, I met the man who would a long time later become my 2nd husband. He had custody of his two kids and me and my daughter seemed to slip pretty seamlessly into their lives. My then-fiance and I started talking about how great it would be to have one more child. At first I was resistant, but then that old baby fever took hold and I made an appointment with a GYN to talk about having my tubal reversed.

Turns out that it's a lot harder to reverse a tubal than it is to reverse oh, I forget the word but when the guy gets clipped.

He got my records from the doctor who'd done my tubal and it turned out that it was impossible in my case because my doctor apparently didn't want to go through another pregnancy with me either....he'd cut, clipped and burned my tubes and there was absolutely no way to reverse what had been done.

The gyn said that it was pretty unusual for a doc to do such a thorough tubal ligation, so I hope your's turns out to be a lot simpler. Good luck sweetie. I'll keep you in my thoughts

Wow what a gift! That's alot of valid reasons it's also like someone saying we are waiting until we are financially stable to start a family. Those people will probably never have children because what IS financially stable anyway? Nobody ever really is, we didn't plan any of our girls our first was born when I was 19 back then that was young now like 14/15 is. Anyway everybody told us we would never make it well funny how we had her at 19 another baby at 21 we were both in successful careers and owned our own home at 22 & 23 yrs old. We showed them. Things just happen! You can't always plan it, you should talk to your husband again and ask him if he really wants a baby and everything else will fall into place when it needs to. I wish you the best no matter what you decide. Oh I've known older people to have children by the way Love ya

I actually have a 15 month old grandson. But he lives in Japan. I am anxiously waiting for them to come visit us in Sept. Then they will be stationed in Texas so I will be able to see them more often. My children are 22, 21, 17, 14. I also have "children" who I fostered and then got guardianship of who I also consider my children. They are 23, 21, 19.

I also considered fostering again, but I did it for 7 years, had over 3 hundred babies/ kids under age 5 go through my home in that time (emergency care is why I had so many). I don't know if I want to go through the whole social worker thing, the invasion of privacy, the bull$*it that I remember during those 7 years. The heartache of watching kids go back to homes where the parents were still addicted, or mentally incompetent. I have to think long and hard about it.

Trying to attach a pix of my grandson and I on my visit to Japan in April/May of this year.

And my oldest daughter and I