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02/19/2010 10:49 AM

soo depressed and feeling guilty

Lynnette1212
Lynnette1212  
Posts: 1167
Senior Member

This disease sucks. I was sick that past week and half with that reaction and terrible flare up. Well, my pay check is junk and we can barely pay are bills...well not barely, just don't have enough. Anyways, I feel so sick and guilty like its my fault. I don't like fault and blame, but I can't help but feeling this way. My husband use to be bad about holding it against me, but the last year we have been in counseling and he no longer does this. I'm just so upset about it. I hate feeling like everything is all my fault. Not being able to do things, laying in bed, not bringing home money, changing plans. I just plain suck!!
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02/19/2010 12:49 PM
oregonnative
oregonnative  
Posts: 5779
VIP Member

I know, the whole thing just sucks sometimes, doesn't it? I used to feel guilty about not being able to hold up my end of things too. But I knew in the back of my mind it wasn't my fault. And it isn't yours either!

Please try to keep those thoughts out of your head, they just make you feel worse, and don't change a thing. I'm glad to hear you and hubby got counceling as it sure doesn't help if they don't understand and throw it in our faces.

I have been so lucky that mine doesn't have that mindset, but have friends whose husbands I just wanted to smack sometimes. Hang in there, kiddo. The sun always comes up tomorrow, and things may look better to you then. Now, smile, youre on Candid Camera! Laughing Aww, that's better. Smile hugs (()) Karen


02/20/2010 03:57 PM
hatbox121
hatbox121  
Posts: 11022
Group Leader

It does suck, but remember this is NOT your fault. You didn't bring this on. Hang in there.

02/20/2010 04:22 PM
Kristie1972
Kristie1972  
Posts: 454
Senior Member

i feel the same way myself. and i know that it is not my fault that i have fibro and that i can not work any more. i feel like i am a burden to my boyfriend and my family. everyone tells me that i am not a burden, and they also tell me that i did not ask to feel this way. but sometimes i just can not help the way that i feel... so i know and understand just how you feel...

02/20/2010 04:29 PM
MissStacey
MissStacey  
Posts: 14845
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

I know its hard but we must think positive and try not to let our illnesses get the best of us. The pain can get us down at times and when we rely on others it makes us feel like burdens but if they didnt love us so much they wouldnt do what they do so try not to ever think of yourself as a burden because your loved ones dont think of you as that. Be strong and dont ever let Fibro get the best of you. Fibro cannot and will not ever win! Always stay focused, stay positive and most of all stay strong! We are all in this together and we WILL get through this together. BIG GIGANTIC HUGS to you ALL, Love Stacey Smile

02/20/2010 04:57 PM
Fibrochick
Fibrochick  
Posts: 40
Member

I am so tired of people telling me to think positive, be strong, don't let fibro get you down, etc. I do my best to not whine, not talk about how I'm really feeling, and push myself to the limits of what I'm physically capable of doing. Often I have to tell people why I am unable to do a specific thing, like get up early and go somewhere. (Don't any other fibromites get tired of explaining over and over again? - I hate to do it because it just goes in one ear and out the other.) I had a friend who had kidney failure, was financially secure, seemed like super woman, told people she couldn't do this or that because of her disease and they accepted what she said, no questions asked. She was single, lived alone like I do, and friends (including some of my family members) jumped at the chance of helping her. After about 20 years of living with fibro, it's getting harder and harder to "stay positive" and some days I just "let fibro win" because there is no energy to fight. I'd really like some answers that make sense. Grrrrrrr. (Stay back or I might bite!) =]

02/20/2010 05:11 PM
MissStacey
MissStacey  
Posts: 14845
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I'm an Advocate

I deal with multiple illnesses and its the only way I can be. I refuse to let my illnesses win and I will never stop telling people to be positive and strong. If you dont want to try to be positive thats fine, to each their own of course. Its just so hard to get back up once you are down. Have you ever considered therapy for your depression?

02/20/2010 06:20 PM
broken
broken  
Posts: 11100
Group Leader

I guess I do tings diffrent I dont talk about my fibro and other stuff to family and freinds,most know whats wrong and are understanding if I say Im not going..

I understand when your down its so easy to be exstremly fustrated to be told any thing, be happy live life to the fullest be positive you can due it...when your down your down and its hard to get up. with all that said it is true,you can do this you can face this you can not so much be positive,exspecially if they arent us..If its someone who doesnt have our difficulties having our strugles then I get more offended,but when it comes from one of us I understand where there comming from, due you feel that way?

look at blessings you have,

I was thinking to day when my husband and kids went to some thrift stores and I could not go any more and thought I'd break down and cry,,well on the bright side I cant spend to much money.lol.I guess there is a bright side to everything..please know we understand,it is so hard..but you are in our thoughts and prayers,

depression is a real problem in our lives when you have so much as we do it hard not to..some say its a blue period..I hope you know you are in our prayers I wont say stay positive but try and laugh every day..


02/20/2010 06:32 PM
bits
bits  
Posts: 10865
VIP Member

Like stacy, I believe in staying positive.

Does this mean I am Mary Sunshine everyday?

Of course not.

I go through all kinds of emotions.

The first year I became serioulsy sick (this is my 3rd year) I grieved, became angry, depressed, felt like a burden, felt useless, was terriffied ( and I can not emphasize how much), life changes were already happening and continued to turn my life upside down, guilt...guilt...guilt.

Finally, one day, I had enough.

I knew I was seriously ill and I knew there was life, good life, beyond how I was dealing with it.

So, I changed...me.

I threw away all the negatives and started to see the positives.

Since then, my "new life" has been wonderful.

Wonderful? Yes.

Yes, I still have the negative emotions pop up now and then but they quickly go away.

How did I do this?

I prayed, talked to Jesus alot, asked for help and guidence.

I believed He would help me.

He did.

Now, I am not preaching, I am sharing what happened with me.

I have some of the best doctors (7) in the world. I am blessed with wonderful health care and all that entails.

My friends and family are helpful and understand.

I am honest if someone asks me how I feel.

I have learned to be thrilled from doing the dishes, even though I do them in steps.

A cup of hot cocoa can make my day.

I have been humbled.

My eyes have opened.

I see the world thru the eyes of a little child.

A new world...my new life.

A new me....I like the new me.

Hugs


02/23/2010 02:07 AM
Fibrochick
Fibrochick  
Posts: 40
Member

Sorry to have "let loose" on you all the other day. I was looking for some encouragement and clicked on a discussion that I could identify with at that moment. I had reached a point after multiple "major inconveniences" where I had finally lost my patience. (I am very patient - to the point where it is probably unhealthy.)

Anyway, the basement drain had just spewed forth raw sewage and water which flooded my basement. I repeat, poop and sewer water were covering my basement floor!

The drain was totally clogged. I could not figure out how to clean up this mess and I was kind of freaking out. The exact point where I lost my patience happened when I grabbed a mop, soaked up the mop head, but could not make my hands work well enough to wring it out. So I decided to take a break and whine to you all in this discussion.

I was depressed at the moment and angry and frustrated. I just didn't want to "be positive" right then. I needed to be angry. I wasn't angry at myself, or God, or anybody else. I was angry at the situation. I was frustrated that I wasn't making much progress at handling it. Writing to people who understand can be therapeutic.

I do thank God every day for the blessings I have. I think staying positive is important, but being realistic is also important.

Usually when I let fibro "win," it's when I have used up all my physical and mental energy and just need to take a break, turn it over to God, and rest. I hope I'm making sense. I'm guessing those of you who live alone will identify moreso with my reaction to this experience.

I do feel guilty when I have to ask for help. I don't ask for it often, and when I do, I really need it. I find myself wondering most of the time if anyone takes me seriously. By some of the comments and responses I get, it's obvious they think I should just "snap out of it" and do everything they can do. ("You can do it! - You just need to be more positive! - Just set your alarm clock and make yourself get up earlier! There are a lot of people a lot worse off than you! [like they think I don't know this?] Blah, blah, blah." Most people have no clue.) To avoid feeling guilty I say "I'm fine." When I do tell the truth, in attempt to make people understand and to explain why I need help, I get the stupid comments.

I struggle with raising awareness that fibromyalgia is really a serious disease. I suspect my loved ones are in some kind of denial (or they just plain don't believe me).

Anyway, after waiting 2 days, my landlord (who is on vacation in California) finally got the message that this catastrophe had happened. She authorized a cleaning company to come and clean up the mess. My basement floor is now dry and properly sanitized. The drain is unclogged. All the ruined stuff (that I sorted out over a period of 3 days while my eyes were burning, my head hurt really bad and I was nauseated) has been hauled away. My eyes don't burn, nor do I feel like I have a nasty virus anymore. I am truly thankful. (Really I am. I'm not being sarcastic.)

Lynette1212, I just want you to know that I for one agree with you. This disease sucks! - Big time! But YOU definitely do not! Having fibromyalgia is a balancing act. Sometimes it goes up. Sometimes it goes down. Sometimes it levels off. I feel good when I can just stay on the teeter-totter and not fall off. And when I do fall off sometimes, with God's help, I manage to get back on again.

I pray that God's mercy is evident in all of our lives and that we feel His loving presence always, especially when we need it the most. ~ Janet

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