I have little or no desire or sex drive, and I actually count my blessings, because my home life raising two boys as a single parent completely drains all my energy, both emotional and physical. Until recently I was worried that I have little desire to date, mainly because the dating game at my age can be brutally stressful, and the search for a kind, compassionate, compatible mate can seem fruitless, like looking for a needle in a haystack...but I also fear having to deal with the sex in a relationship.

I have to admit that the sexual part of the dating game and marriage itself would be a HUGE problem for me, and add extra stress I would rather not have to deal with. My life is complicated enough as it is without feeling guilty over my lack of sex drive and how I am going to keep a partner satisfied.

With this lack of sexual desire, I don't feel compelled to "man hunt" and endlessly endure dead end dates or having to endlessly waste my time and energy meeting men that are either not compatible, or will not accept me just as I am....chronically fatigued and in pain much of the time. I left an abusive marriage 7 years ago and my sex life with that husband was horrible....because it was forced on me and I was treated in a very abusive and degrading way. It has taken me years to recover my self-confidence and to believe in myself again. In the past I have been a woman who "disappears into" her man and the relationship, neglecting my own needs and not being true to myself. Right now my independence and personal freedom and ability to live my life at my own slower pace, with plenty of rest, and doing whatever it takes to take care of myself so I don't end up in a bad flare are more important than anything else. I simply don't need anything else in my life to feel guilty about...at least not right now. So I am grateful to lack desire right now!

I don't know if any of you can relate, but that is the honest truth! To top it all off, at 51 I am nearly in menopause, and my hormone levels are fluctuating like crazy, causing more fatigue and extreme irritability.

From documented side effects listed in the literature, and

past and present personal experience, I can say that most if not all of the SSRI's and SNRI's cause loss of desire and often loss of the ability to have an orgasm. Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft, Celexa. Cymbalta, and many others. Many of these meds also cause weight gain, so that while taking them I have put on about 40 lbs....and I feel too unattractive to enter the dating scene, which is such a jungle.

New romantic relationships take so much focus and can be so emotionally demanding and draining, and if you add into the mix having kids still at home, financial problems, health problems, trouble keeping up with the housework, henceforth, a messy dirty house much of the time...and I think that any sane man would RUN like heck the other way! And for me, with my lack of sex drive, that is probably for the best! If by some remote chance I would ever find a partner and fall in love, I am eager to hear about what others have done to stimulate their sexual interest and enjoyment. I feel like that part of my life is over, and sometimes, that makes me very sad......

We had 2 kids together and I knew no one would want me, I wasn't good enough, that was when I so depressed but I didn't know it, I know it now but not then. The only way I got out of that was because my sister was killed in a car accident. I not even sure how I did it.

After that I only lived because of my kids. I knew no one would want me but 8 years ago, my kids were 12 and 13 a very gently, loving man did come into my life, even though my 13 year old had bipolar and I had medical issues. At that time, we I was not that bad and we didn't know what. We have talked and he still loves me, more he says. I have no desire, but I help him out different ways and that is fine with him. I love him so much, my kids and my husband and my animals are my life. Quite frankly with out them, I would not be here today. There could be a loving man out there for you. I did not go out looking for him, he found me. Don't turn him away if he finds you, he could be there.

Ok I am sorry I rambled, that kinda hit home for me and it made me cry because that was me. I was you and I am very happily married and I don't want anyone to give that hope up. Also sex is not love and it is important but it is not the samething as love.

I loved where you said:

Right now my independence and personal freedom and ability to live my life at my own slower pace, with plenty of rest, and doing whatever it takes to take care of myself so I don't end up in a bad flare are more important than anything else. I simply don't need anything else in my life to feel guilty about...at least not right now. So I am grateful to lack desire right now!

That just sounded so great and healthy to me.

nhlflagg I agree my husband, my kids and our dogs are my life and without them I don't know if I would be here.

The sex issue is such a sore spot in my house right now. But since I have recently been diagnosed with fibro I am hoping my husband will begin to understand...

I think you and I may have a lot in common in this area. My husband is not very supportive right now, and I am recently diagnosed like you. I don't really know how to explain things to him to help him understand. Quite frankly, sometimes he doesn't want to understand. I feel like I am walking on eggshells in my own house. It seems that his mood be it good or bad is dependent on if we have had sex recently, or not. Does that sound familiar to anyone else???

I'm so sorry that you have had to endure an abusive marriage, but it does sound like you are in the process of healing and regaining your self-confidence. Just don't give up hope - even on men. There is usually someone out there who just may surprise us. If not, I think that will work out for you, too.

nhlflagg

I enjoyed your message, also. You know that you have a special man when he is willing to take you and your children - with all the problems attached. There are not a lot of special men like that out there, but there are some. I would definitely think he would be worth waiting for.

I have not experienced any abusiveness in my marriage. I have been married for 32 years (and dated 5 years before that), so we know each other very well. My husband is VERY understanding, but I still see him struggling with my pain, fatigue, lack of desire, etc. - but he doesn't want me to know. I get so wrapped up in my pain, that it is sometimes hard to remember he is "hurting" with me. Fibro has changed his life too. Fibro is cruel to us and the ones close to us.

Gentle Hugs,
Carla



In the midst of your pain, don't forget the blessings in your life.

hurtallover

What you wrote sounds just like my life..We sound like we do have alot in common. I walk on egg shells all the time. Send me a PM we need to talk!!!!!

I was so embarassed to talk about this subject. I was NEVER like this until all these fibro things started. I thought I was going crazy... I have mentioned it to every doctor I have seen lately and they ignore it and give me no advice on it. I don't know what to do about it. There has to be something to help with this???