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I would like to ask a special request of all my friends here at this site, which of course would include everyone since we are much like a family. If you believe in prayer, please put me on your list - and if you don't believe in prayers put me on you good luck list. Sunday I will be heading to Louisanna. It is an 8 hour trip, which in itself will be no fun. My dad is dying of pancreatic cancer. They have given him 6-9 months, and they are fixing to bring in hospice. That also in itself is going to be hard to deal with. All the emotions involed with the death of a family member. HOWEVER, THE BIGGIE IS due to poor family reltions, I have seen my dad only 1 time in the past 25 years!! And it really was over nothing. He had a been a marine and no one said no to him. I fell in love with my high school sweetheart and we planned to get married. However, he was just a small time carpenter that had no plans for college "to make something of himself" and my dad just simply did not think he was good enough for me. Well...I have just celebrated my 31st anniversary with my no good guy. We are not rich, but we aren't poor. We stuggle to get by as most of you do. Anyway, I left home, moved in with my future in laws and in 6 weeks time we put a wedding together. My dad refused to give me away. How could he, I had actually gone againt his "commands" and I was insubordinate! My mom and dad did come to the wedding but did not stand in the receiving line and they had cake and punch and left without even saying a word. We tried for a few years after we got married to have some type of relationship, get together 1 or 2 time for holiday, etc. But that only lasted about 2 years. Then it just grew over the years. I would send school pictures of our daughter and keep them updated once in a blue moon on her and change of addresses and that was about it. i found our by email when my granddad passed away. Not once did they ask about us, their granddaughter and now their 2 great grandchildren. And they wouldn't even know that much if I didn't get an email send out every now and then. I saw him about 12 years ago at my grandmothers funeral for a couple of hours and that is the total seeing of my father and only time to talk to him in all of 25 years. It's really quite sad. And the only reason I even knew that he was dying is because of one of those once in a blue moon emails. My mom emailed me back to let me know that he was dying and hospice was coming in. That was it. My husband and I discussed it and I emailed my mom and told her I wanted to come for a visit. We will be in a hotel and going over to their house a couple times a day due to his weakness and need for sleep, and eat out so they don't have to do anything. We will just show up a few times a day. And then, as we drive away to come home I'm sure it will be the last time I will see my dad until I stand next to his casket. What a waste for a family. I had to let him go 2 years after we were married because it was just killing me mentally and physically. I have actually talked to my mom on the phone a time or two. And I told her, the first word of the past, the first whine, the first "you should have" that we would be leaveing to go back home. I'm basically there to see my dad for the last time, because of the drive, I'm sure I won't see him again until he dies. We have all agreed to lay down the anger, axes, disappointments, etc. and just try to be a family. So...................as you can imagine I'm going to be on a high stress level over the next several days. We are actually going to stay in LA for several days so we can have several visits a day. But I'm so glad to have our own hotel room to go back too!! And, its just been 5 weeks since I had breast surgery and am just starting to get over that and then then "what should have beens" and the loss. Not just his life, but of our years as a family. What a loss! So please keep me in your thoughts and send prayers for strength, courage, and a peace that will keep me from getting really sick. Of course, my doc has loaded me up with pills, so I can go back to the hotel and take a handful and go to bed. Thanks in advance for the prayers, and keep them coming. I'm coming home on Wednesday and then will probably take a few days to a week to just rest. And to all of you, may you have as pain free of days as possible and days with little stress. And share with me in my new slogan right now: Keep on Keeping ON! Thanks guys, kathy ((((HUGS))) Kathy
we all need "splashes" of JOY in the cesspools of life
3:16...........real joy |
Jan
