Fibromyalgia Support Group

I'm of two minds about this situation. On the one hand, I agree with Mouse, he's emotionally abusing you. He's guilt-tripping you into giving "it" up more often. Basically, it's "give me more sex, or I'll get it elsewhere." While at the same time saying out loud "it's your decision, but I'm trying to spare you pain."

Bullshit.

He sounds so much like my first husband.

On the other hand, I was once in an open relationship, and had my husband and my boyfriend living in my house at the same time. BOY that was interesting! (long, LONG story)

It's about trust, and love. IF everyone involved agreed, and IF no one was being harmed, then I'd have no problem with it. If Erik (my hubs) came in one day and said he'd like to get a mistress, first I'd be shocked, and second, I'd insit on meeting her. I would want to know who I was sharing with. But I really don't think I'd have much of a problem with it. But I'm definately the exception, not the rule.

I agree, he's trying to have his cake and eat it too, adn I'd get rid of him. But it's your call, not mine.

Oh yeah, one more thing... I forget who said it, but it's said that "jealousy is the fear of loosing something." Gives you something to think about.

And if I'm incoherant, it's cause I've been up over 24 hours now, and I'm very "punch drunk."

Post edited by: MoiraWolf, at: 06/23/2012 01:49 PM

To each his own.

IF HE LOVED YOU HE WOULD NEVER EVER EVEN CONSIDER ANOTHER WOMAN EVER.

I disagree on purely an intellectual argument kind of way. I think men are hard-wired from evolution to try to have as many women as possible. It goes back to those days when survival of the species depended on having as many children as possible. Women were limited by pregnancy and by caring for children to needing to be with one man. But a man, not burdened by nursing or pregnancy, could breed with, and share his genetic material with, as many women as he could.

In a purely scientific way, men are hard-wired to try to mate with as many women as they can attract. One man could provide for many women, but the reverse cannot be said.

While I realize we don't live like that anymore, some men find that "addiction to sex" harder to give up than others. God knows my first husband was like that. He may not have cheated on me, but Lord and Lady knows he thought about it and looked around. Most of the time, societal "norms" and intellect are enough to overcome this evolutionary hard-wiring.

But I believe that 99% of the men out there look around and even think about sex with other women a lot of the time. I read a study once that said the average male thinks about sex something like (on average) 2-3 times an hour, wheras a woman only thinks about sex (on average) once an hour. While that doesn't seem like a lot, it does say that men are more hard-wired toward sex than women are. (Study participants were college age.)

I would agree with your statement with the caveat that "If he loves you he'd never cheat on you." Becuase that's true, our intellect can override our baser instincts. But to not "consider" another woman... I have to disagree with that statement, just because I think men are evolved to want it.

Now, all that said, I'm not trying to argue... well, yes, I am, but in a "intellectual discourse" kind of way, not ARGUING if you know what I mean!

Anyone want to disagree in that same "intellectual discourse" kind of way?

I actually agree with your intellectual argument. That is why I try to stand by him it this situation. And Colleen, we have spend time apart earlier, when the sex issue was way worse, and he didn't go to someone else, because he loved me too much and couldn't be with anyone else.

I know that it was wrong of him to ask me this, and he knows now too. But in his words:

You don't know how much it hurts me to see you in pain over something I want.

And it is true, I don't know how it feels to see me like this. I thought I was a better actress though, I thought he didn't notice. Guess I'm not that smart either. In the 5 years we have been together he never cheated, and there were times that I could do nothing at all.

His intellect has won over his basic insticts, but let's be honest ladies. Men think about sex in a different way then us. I can't see love and sex without each other, and most men can.

But anyway, it is all in the past. I choose to stand by him, and we are happy.

xxx

I am sorry to hear that your man left you like that. I was surprised to see a comment, I had already forgotten about this post. However, I did think of myself, we talked it over and we reached a compromise that works for both of us. And well, if he cheats he can pack his bags, and I told him that.

The relationship got much better...haha I almost said butter...and that is because I stood up for myself.

Again, really sorry to hear what your husband has done to you. Makes you wonder if how strong people actually are doesn't it?