Fibromyalgia Support Group

OMG! For over a year now I've cried so many times due to this!! I feel like a failure as a wife. I just wish my husband could understand, the desire is there but the pain is brutal.

Wow... I'm so happy I joined this group. This is something that I've struggled with for years. I am pretty much always tired and in pain, and I have zero drive. Every so often I will encourage (I dont want to use the word force because that sounds so wrong) myself to be intimate and sometimes it ends well! Amen to the all powerful O!. However, I have endometriosis and for the last 7 yrs I have had problems with internal pain after sex. It feels like my ovaries have been bruised and/or I swear my uterus is trying to carve its way out of my body with a spork - its instant cramping that lasts for hours and completely negates that happy feeling of an orgasm. I feel so guilty for not being more available to my boyfriend, and he's really good about it, but I know it bothers him a lot. He has said he hates feeling rejected so he has stopped initiating, but because my drive is virtually nothing I often forget to initiate as often as I should for his sake. Its really good to know I'm not alone here, it does help ease the guilt a little and this is by far one of the worst things FM has taken from me.

Even before fibro made things painful for me, I had lost most of my drive due to the anti-deps I've been taking for about 15 years or so now. I even switched from Zoloft to Wellbutrin because it wasn't supposed to cause "certain sexual side effects".

I used to force myself to initiate things with my ex-hb because he was so resentful that I had lost my drive. It was just another thing that I felt guilty and stressed out from. He had no sympathy for my medical problems (and this was before I'd been dx'd with fibro) because he said that my migraines and my IBS were things I was "doing to myself"...huh? I know it had more to do with him than with me...when I made my mind up to leave, my migraines all but disappeared!

But a year later I had a bf and a pretty active (extremely active) sex life again, and it was fun but feeling like a virgin a couple of times a day was pretty painful. He started having his own problems so our sex life ended before the relationship did. I'm 53 now and supposedly past menopause and I honestly do not miss sex. I don't mess having a man in my life either.

I had a hard time convincing my shrink, but I do really, really like living alone with just me and my cat. I'm so over men and sex.

I too could probably go the rest of my life without sex at all. I feel horribly guilty that I tell my husband no all the time, even once a week is a killer cause my hips ache for days and for at least 2 days I feel beat up in my pelvic are. Thats no matter how we do things. I try to force myself to WANT to do things, but remembering how shitty I feel afterwards changes my mind instantaniously. Now the windows of opportunity for me are so tiny for my husband that he knows to take advantage of it each time otherwise its another few months before I have even the thought of sex

There are ways to be intimate with your partner without actually having intercourse. Perhaps you could get a book (we bought the K.I.S.S. guide to sex, or something like that) and found ways that we can be intimate with each other that aren't so painful. Also, if you have a muscle relaxer, it's a good idea to take one BEFORE you initiate making love. It makes a bit of a difference.

I have FMS and IC....intimacy is the biggest issue for me and my fiancee right now. We were both virgins when we started dating and both made the choice to wait to have sex until we were married. We did'nt make it to our wedding night, but we did wait, but after we started dating I was diagnosed, now I feel like I will never know what real sex feels like, you know like uninhibited, rough, fast, whenever you want it sex. the "Sex" we have is slow, and a process, and trying new positions is painful, and he cant thrust too deep, and its just not fair to think i waited all that time to have sex with someone i love and this is what i get? this tamed version of sex that hurts, instead of being one of the most wonderful things a human being can experience? I hate it!!!!

there are alot of things to having sex then just the act,emotional factor play into it badly..I would suggest that first be sure you are able to communicate what you need,and maybe even get a book of diffrent ways( karmasutra I think is one).

but remeber flirting hand holding snuggling alot of things can add to your sex life..you will find a happy medium but it will take work on both your parts..

also forplay can be benificial.. anyone having sex exspecially for there first time has to figure out what works, fibro just complicates it but doesnt make it impossible..just be able to talk with each other that is most important

even tho im not happy everyone here is having the same sorta problem but its good to not be aloneeee, i honestly thought maybe there was just something more wrong with me but me being young and shy about things, i dont like to talk to doctors.

After having sex i swear i could have mine-as-well just jumped off a cliff or got hit by a car cause i feel like everything is tense, stiff and more achy. I also very prone to UTI's which then turn into kidney infections (getting so use to the UTI's I dont even kno i have them anymore), i have trouble figuring out if im sick or fibroing.

***sigh***

Hope everyone is having a pain free day!

Just what I do and it seems to help me, I keep the temperature higher in the apartment before sex (I feel better when it's warmer)or I'll take a bath before sex. A long hot bath (I usually add eucalyptus bath salts, which I get from bath and body works, and that helps to relax me naturally cause stress is a big contributor to my pain too). It's not pain free, but it's definitely enjoyable. Also, it helps when my boyfriend gets really into foreplay, it takes my mind off any pain I am experiencing before we get to business.

Hope this helps!

CrauntRachel, thanks for those ideas!!!! I cant believe never thought of them on my own. Ill have to try them!!!!