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07/26/2010 05:09 AM

My boyfriend might not stay bc of my FMS & CFS(page 3)

PCG
PCG  
Posts: 2259
Senior Member

These are wonderful news Jeanine! and those upcoming vacations sound great! Is good that you guys can talk to each other like that, vent out and that the one listening can understand what it is, be there and be supportive, is even better when it works both ways Laughing
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11/15/2010 11:10 AM
SunsetQuartz
SunsetQuartz  
Posts: 237
Senior Member

I think if it's meant to be - he will stand by your and support you. It is hard for anyone to see a loved one sleep - I go to school - only 2 classes - enough for me right now. I'm exhausted - trying to get a sleep routine going. My bf and I will be celebrating 2 yrs in january - and I often wonder if he will leave - i have to trust in myself and in him that if we're meant to be together - we will make it work.

Currently I only tutor two days a week, all week I have hw from an online class - and my boyfriend is a contractor. It's the opposite for us - he likes to stay in because he is exhausted by the end of the day and i want to go out because i have been couped up and can't work for the past two years- any suggestions on how to relate to that -

We make it work and we are also so in love and he's still with me. He met me when i had a foot injury - supported me through a neck surgery and now I have Fibro - he is not knowledgeable about it - but, he supports to the best of his ability.

Quartz


11/15/2010 11:14 AM
SunsetQuartz
SunsetQuartz  
Posts: 237
Senior Member

Paige -

Give me some advice - I love my boyfriend but he has a hard time accepting that pain comes from (nowhere). He supports me and loves me but at times i'm mad at my life, financial situation, and condition - handling to the best of my ability.

Getting out of the house is the best for me. Gl. Be my friend!


11/15/2010 12:46 PM
Lupie
Lupie  
Posts: 305
Member

Wow. I wish I had words of wisdom for you. I had something similar happen. I was with someone for over 4 years and we lived today almost that whole time. He left me earlier this year and a big reason was because of my fibro and lupus. It was absolutely devastating to me but what I realize now is that I don't want to be with someone who can't understand or makes me feel guilty about a disease (or in my case, diseases) that I cannot control.

I would just stop worrying about it (I know, easier said than done) because what will be will be and you have your health to worry about and if he doesn't get that or support that then *eff* him!!

I am so sorry to hear you are going through this.


11/18/2010 06:33 AM
SunsetQuartz
SunsetQuartz  
Posts: 237
Senior Member

I'm so happy for you! Really, I am!

11/18/2010 08:32 AM
KatiePNW
KatiePNW  
Posts: 231
Member

Looks like this conversation has been "updated" so I'll put my two cents in. This is such a common challenge with folks who have a dibilitating physical condition. Especially when it seems "invisible" to those who don't understand. My ex was with me for nearly 7 years and we were raising his son. He finally couldn't handle the stress. But he had his own mental issues and heavy duty baggage. Someone above mentioned that it's very difficult and frustrating (and I think especially for men) when they can't "fix" what's wrong. I'm sure that was part of it for us.

The hard part for me is the fear of being alone. I hate being alone. Especially at night. Especially during the holidays. Etc. Etc. I think it's a common issue for so many people. So I am finding that contact and support here on the junction is a lifesaver. Reaching out more to neighbors is a lifesaver. Being useful and involved with others......even though I do come home to that "alone" feeling......is a lifesaver. Developing a support system of caring and understanding folks is a must for me for survival.

What I WON'T do again, is look for "refuge" from the lonliness in a mate that isn't up to the long haul. Been there, done that. It was a band aid that became a part of me and when it was ripped off left me pretty raw....not to mention the scar. Was not worth it!!!! And relationships are so complex in the best of circumstances.....so I have to make sure I have the best relationship with ME first, and love myself enough to only consider the possibility of a relationship with someone who is compatible with all that I am....and vice versa. If that possibility comes my way, then .....well......hubba hubba!!!! Smile LOL. (I just had to say that!) But if not, I will not settle by clinging to someone I know is NOT really supportive and understanding nor willing to work together we me as a partner.

So, I hope things are working out better for folks whose comments I've read here, and I am sooooo very thankful for you and this place of understanding support!!!

Take very, very good care of you! You all deserve it!!!

Katie


11/18/2010 09:29 AM
john645
john645  
Posts: 1577
Senior Member

Katie, thank you for that post. Being a man I can say that is very frustrating when we can't fix what is wrong. It is the way the male mind is wired, but not something that we can't overcome. If a mate leaves because of stress or lack of understanding then the problem lies firmly on their shoulders. All we can do is learn to love ourselves and accept ourselves for who we are. Yes loneliness is a hard emotion to have to bare, but the stress of dealing with those who can't or won't understand or support us can intensify our day to day symptoms making them more than we can bare. Thankfully we can have many friends

and supporters here to help us through and can hopefully find someone willing to accept us and our conditions as a package deal.

Gentle hugs to all today, John.


11/18/2010 10:18 AM
STRENUBA
 
Posts: 144
Member

yeah, what john said lol0lolo0ol

11/18/2010 01:01 PM
grammyinPA

Great post, John!

11/18/2010 05:04 PM
Robnaz
Robnaz  
Posts: 63
Member

@ John.....always good to get a man's perspective on things. Unfortunately not all men are as thoughtful as you are..... God Bless!
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