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01/22/2009 05:15 AM

Turning 50

Posts: 1046

This was going to be such a great year. I turned 50, the last of my children moved out and my husband and I were raring to go! Then I started feeling bad, then worse, then worse. Everyone was beginning to notice and I finally had to explain.

One of my daughters asked me what causes fibromyalgia. I told her that no one was really sure. Could be any number of things, including stress. "Oh no!" she said. "That means we caused this to happen to you!!" I assured her that was not true (although if it was stress, it was my reaction to their teen years.)

All three of my children have been so wonderful! They seem to have grown up some, noticing me for the first time, going out of their way not limit further stress on me. Instead of asking me to fix their problems, they are figuring things out for themselves these days. It has been odd for me, not being their center, but most days, I'm either in a fog or in too much pain to dwell on it much.

My biggest regret is not being able to babysit or even play with my two grandsons very much. The oldest one is almost two and he spent his first year living here with us and I was his second Mommy. Now I can't even hold him unless I am sitting down. The youngest is six months and won't ever be that close to me.

Between the fibro, feeling my age, accepting the fact that I am not needed as much, going through menopause, it hasn't quite been the year I expected, to say the least!


01/22/2009 05:26 AM
Posts: 3383
Senior Member

Well, congrats on raising some well adjusted responsible kids. I understand your regrets and eventhough my kids are not old enough to have kids, I worry about not being able to do things with them or keep them. I have a brother that is 10 years younger than me that just got married. He and his wife are planning to start a family in the next few years and I would love to be the fun aunt that can do anything and it bothers me that I will not be able to. Hang in there and do the best that you can. Kids are smart and can tell who loves them. Good luck and I hope you feel better soon and can enjoy those babies.


01/22/2009 08:22 AM

Mispati, you'll find out that you'll still be needed allot. My mother was house bound and chair bound and couldn't get around at all without the aid of a walker and she still managed to babysit the grandkids but only when they were a bit older. The kids loved to watch movies with nana and to draw her pictures and play games with her and wait on her hand and foot. Sure she couldn't get up and run around and chase them but they loved her and managed to crawl up on her lap when they needed some comfort from her. The aunt that never grew up( that's me) was the one that did the outside games and stuff when they were little.

If you need emotional help with your menopause, I'm here for you.

I found that when things started getting wierd with me, I'd call my friend and she would assure me that "yep, that's part of menopause".

01/22/2009 08:54 AM

Mispati, I am sorry you are feeling this way, but Janilee is right. I can remember doing that with my grandmother. We loved helping her and it was just so much fun to think that she needed us.

I can't remember who it was on here that said that her grandchildren had a hard time understand why she couldn't pick them up anymore. She told them that when they could pick her up, then she would pick them up. So, she said since then, whenever they come over they come running over to her and gently grab her leg and grunt and groan and try to pick her up.Grin

I, too, went through that as well but you have to remember a child's mind is a wondrous thing. What may bother you, may be an adventure to them.Wink



01/22/2009 09:05 AM
Posts: 898

I am 68 and my grandchildren range from 6 to 18. They all still hug me and do things for me and let me get down on the floor with them to play. It's the getting up that's so hard for me. They are very loving and still want me to be around. I also have a 1 year old great granddaughter and I can sit on the floor or lay on the floor and play with her and she has a ball. She can climb all over me because it doesn't hurt and we have fun together. There are still some things we can do with our kids. Even watching movies with them or watching them in their plays, their concerts, etc. makes them happy. I will push myself to be with them and if I am in pain afterwards, so be it.

01/22/2009 09:44 AM
margiecPosts: 182

I hear you Mispati!!! I turned 49 today, and this past year has been a rough one...menopause and then fibro! My son and his wife are expecting their first baby in April, and it is disheartening to think that I may not have the energy to care for him as often as I would like to. It is all a learning curve I guess....adjusting to this new reality, and figuring out what I can and can't do.

One thing that I am betting on, is that you are still very needed by your children and husband...and your grandbabies will always be close to you...even though you can't pick them up so much. Just because we can't do things physically doesn't mean we aren't needed emotionally. Smile Smile

Hugs to you,

Margie Smile

01/22/2009 09:47 AM
Posts: 1046

Happy Birthday, Margie!

01/22/2009 09:57 AM

May your birthday be the bested birthday you ever had.


01/22/2009 03:24 PM
Posts: 7675
VIP Member

I will be on medicare the end of May. 65. My head says I'm still 19 but my body objects whenever I try to follow my "to do list".

My oldest daughter asked me if I wanted to plan a family outing where we would go to an aquarium, a zoo, and then the beach. After I paused awhile, I suggested I better stay home with the baby. I reminded her that when she did take me to the beach, I was unable on that day to even get out of the car to get to the beach.

She told me a story of visiting my Aunt and using a wheelchair for her when they went to the aquarium. Well, I am not old enough for that, nor am I willing to settle for that. I too am trying to adjust to not being the "head" of the house, adjusting to adult children,(the youngest is 22), and it is not an easy adjustment after so many years of being THE Mom. Altho I remain Mom, my role is changing, my body is changing, I changed my location, my home, my possessions, and I can leave the important decisions up to the adult children. I have to keep asking myself, whose problem is it? I am trying to grow old gracefully, but is becoming graceful so full of obstacles? And how does one get up out of a chair or out of a car gracefully, when stiff and sore from fibro? I am anything but graceful and can't even stand up until I have taken about a dozen steps while bent over and limping, when I get out of the car. I look funny. I look like an old woman. And I don't believe I am. I may never believe it, but am doing my best to get there if I have to, with some kind of inner grace since the outer grace alludes me. Bless my daughter. She said I may be able to get a handicap sign for my car. Well, I usually park as far away as I can so I have to walk farther as exercise is good for fibro, in fact, I understand it is essential. So my solution is to grow my hair. I know that doesn't make any sence, but it's something I can do, and something I have wanted to do for a long time. So thats my solution. I will stubbornly grow my hair.

01/22/2009 03:55 PM
Posts: 393

Mispati, you're life sounds so much like mine when I turned 50. Life was getting good, My symptoms weren't as bad as they are now. One daughter was married, the other in college. My husband and I had plans to do some work on the house and I had even bought a new car.

Them all heck broke lose. I had to quit my job, which meant we lost almost half of our income. My oldest got a divorce, moved back home. Moved out, then back home again. I was also going thru menopause, depression and pain I felt like I'd just been hit by a train.

Things around here are a bit better now except my condition seems to be getting worse. I junt dunno.....

Post edited by: McFoggy, at: 01/22/2009 15:56


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