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12/27/2010 03:35 PM

frustrated

jmbrooks0819
jmbrooks0819  
Posts: 159
Member

UGH FAMILY!!! Over Christmas my step dad gets completely trashed and starts nagging on me about work. Saying that its not that I cant work, its that I dont want to.And he just cant understand that, after all the schooling I went through and how much money I make if I am working. Well, DUH!

He then proceeds to tell me that it is just me being lazy because his friend on his and my moms softball team has it and she is just fine, never misses a game or work. Of course I would rather be feeling like her and working! I even explain to him that because I am pregnant, I cant take the medications I was taking that did control my fibro enough for me to work. Without those meds, its just impossible for me to work because being a nurse it such a physical job. But he persists its just me being lazy!GRR!

My sister is constantly asking me to watch her daughter so she can go out to the bar, go out of town, and pretty much anything else, she doesnt want to drive all the way to the babysitter, she wants to go to the store (why my neice cant go is beyond me!). She is extremely unreliable. I rarely ask her to take my kids unless I feel really bad or once in the last few months, so I could go Christmas shopping.

Shockingly she agreed to take them for a day, so I can go to a bigger city to shop. She lives at my moms house, and surprise surprise, when I get there she is no where to be found. She wont answer the phone. (She got mad at me the night before for not taking my niece, but I had had her stay the night 3x that week already so her mom could go out and I was tired). Hour and a half later, my kids are with my grandpa and I have to go track down my sister at her boyfriends house with her daughter, where they are all still asleep at 11am because they were up till 2 (including my 3 year old niece!!)

Since then, I have refused to babysitt. I am tired of being taken advantage of. I love me niece to death but I just cant deal with my sisters bs anymore. But, alas, that is not working. Now I constantly get her asking me to take her daughter and her getting pretty nasty when I say no. Then my mom jumps in and gets mad at me for it too. So she will end up taking her daughter instead sometimes. Which is fine because my niece doesnt need to be out with her mom at all hours of the night anyway.

But, if I ask my mom to take the kids because I am not feeling good at all, it just wont happen!

Sorry, long vent. SOOOOOOO tired of my family right now!!

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01/02/2011 11:47 PM
shamarie6
shamarie6  
Posts: 2805
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Sweetie, so sorry that this got lost in the forums!

I know it's all done & over with, but I just want you to know that I understand how frustrating it is having family that doesn't help you out, yet expects you to do everything for them. I have, or should I say HAD friends like that. You have to put your foot down, & stand up for yourself. I hope things have settled down between you & your dad. What one person can do, another can't. I'm so sorry you are having to listen to all that. I know it's really hard, but try to ignore all that is being said. If your family can't support you emotionally, & help you out more, then you stand up for yourself. I'm thinking of you & hope that you are ok. Hang in there! Wink


01/03/2011 04:39 AM
broken
broken  
Posts: 11052
Group Leader

sadly the loder generation was brought up on hard work fixes everything..I live with a work aholoic so for me its alot of guilt..leave fibro info around your house in the bathroom and other places maybe he will pick them up and read

01/03/2011 06:29 AM
Natalia5150
Natalia5150  
Posts: 3632
VIP Member

Oh gosh if we had a dime for every time we heard this we could take the whole forum to Disney World....well OK that was a slight bit of eggeration, but I say this to let you know YOU are not alone! So so many fibro folks go through this....just because we dont look sick doesn't mean....

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by- christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/

this is something to leave lying around too...along with doing your research and finding things on line and checking our stickie pages.

what did you train to do, what field were you in?

Sweetie, I am so so sorry that the people who are supposed to love you are treating you so poorly. It is all too frequently the case.

If you could get your mom to read it it might help, and maybe she could talk to dad.

good luck

natty


01/03/2011 06:44 AM
mem9113

Wow! I would tell that sister to take care of her child good for you for putting your foot down and saying no! Natty is right you should print out the articles that she listed and leave them in the bathroom and the kitchen and all over your moms house and maybe someone will get curious and take a look at what is going on with you and to top it off you are pregnant which means your body is going thru hormonal changes which can flare up your fibro or make it worse. Good luck to you, you have enough on your plate without watching your niece all the time, your sis needs to be more responsibleSmile

01/03/2011 07:44 AM
jmbrooks0819
jmbrooks0819  
Posts: 159
Member

Thank you guys! I have just decided to stop going over to my moms and talking to them very often. The thing with my step-dad was nevedr mentioned to my mom, but it wouldnt matter if i did, just cause more drama. They (my mom and step dad) drink all the time and they think that if they get out of hand when they are drunk, it doesnt matter, becauase they were drunk, and we all do dumb stuff when we drink. Which is true and easily forgivable if someone got out of hand once in a while because they were drunk. But when it happens all the time and you are prepetually drunk, that excuse doesnt work anymore (at least to me).

I have also just started avoiding my sister. I did babysitt for her on New Years eve, but that was only because she took me grocery shopping one day when I felt too bad to drive and she gave me a ride home from the doctor on anthor occasion when I couldn't drive. (not to mention that she got there an hour and half late because she fell asleep, but oh well.)

Its just hard because my sister is the only friend I have around where I live. But even having her over to my house is becoming too much. She wont watch her daughter when Im here so I have to, she wont pick up after herself, shes rude to my kids, etc etc. Part of me knows it because she has gotten away with these sort of things for so long, being the baby in the family. But, shes only a year younger than me, so she needs to pull it together because Im done! Which is another battle with my mom, she always says that since she helped me when I was younger, it is my responsibilty to help my sister. I constantly have to remind her that my sister is her child not mine, and that my niece is not my child either. Oh well, like I said, its just not worth it anymore.

My kids can go over there once every two weeks (my moms rule, when she lives 5 minutes away). So I let them do that and then just ignore them until the next time. My kids however are starting to not like going over there. They dont like the way they treat me, this is based on what they see, i never talk to them about it. So idk how much longer this will continue.

It would be nice if I had my husband, but he is getting ready to deploy and just got transfered to Haiwii. I'm very concerned about him going because he is going to one of the deadliest places over there. Not to mention the fact that I am due 2 months after he leaves. Im just not sure how I will be able to cope with everything. If it gets to be too much and my family refuses to help once in a while, I may just move home to AZ and stay with his mom. I have tons of family there who are not self absorbed alcholics. Even my sons grandma (he has a different dad) will be helpful, she loves me and all my kids unconditionally.

Sorry to vent so long again! It's nice to know that I am not the only one going through these things because it sure feels that way sometimes. I know things will get better with time so I just have to ride it out until then. Thanks again for the support!


01/03/2011 07:49 PM
stillhopeful
stillhopeful  
Posts: 5077
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I'm an Advocate

Brook~

I have experienced similoar thngs in my life. We don't have alchoholics in the family and I don't have children (they are grown) but nobody will take me to a doctors appointment, bring dinner once is awhile, nothing like that.

I was diagnosed with systemic lupus when I was 28 and my children were very young. My dad was still alive and for a short time before he became ill wih cancer, he would help me. My husband is my rock though. I don't know where I would be without him. It's too bad your husband will be leaving, and it is awful that we have an invisible syndrome so people don't see that we are ill.

Honey, I feel so bad for you. I think your best chance of getting any help is going back to AZ. so you are close to family that will be able to help you. Could you do it soon before the baby is born? Well, you probably want the doc you have had deliver the baby. Maybe you could go right after that. You really are in a hard spot honey. I wish I was there and could help you a little bit. I probably couldn't do much, but we could try to do things together.

Know I am thinking of you and care. Please PM me if there is anything you want to talk about privately.

Hang in there sweetie and PM me anytime and I will get back to you asap.

Love ya,

Christine

Gentle hugs coming your way


01/03/2011 08:20 PM
maryandjimmie
maryandjimmie  
Posts: 1849
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

I understand how you feel my bio mom and her so called man are alcoholics and they dont understand the pain in all honestly only one brother and one sister out of 11 of us seem to care. I hear all the time why dont i work? I went to medical school and had a good job do they really think i would rather be on disability making peanuts (dont get me wrong i appreciate it) then making good money working come one how dumb is that? People think we are just faking it just because they dont see the pain dont mean its not there and no real. I try to explain it hurts 24/7 and all they say is get over it already. So now i stay to myself because as i say i can do bad by myself. I would rather be away from negative people and those that dont understand then be around them. I know its family and we want them to understand how we feel and the pain we are going through but the bottom line they cant unless they are going through it. I am just so greatful for this group and all the loving people on it because i know im not alone. im here for you if you ever want to talk mary
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