Fibromyalgia Support Group

I commend you for being so concerned for her, and for caring so much about how she is treated. It is really hard to find someone that understands and wants to make sure her health is the most important thing. She is very lucky to have you, and I'm sure she knows it. Keep those kids at bay, and don't let them run her. HUGS

Well, I've been talking to Dana, and me and her are ready to come help, if you need it (which, I doubt you do, but if you did...)

That kid REALLY doesn't want all of here pissed at him and ready to take him down a peg or three. Glad he may have finally gotten the "hint." Best to avoid the stress and drama if possible.

Wow. And I thought my family was toxic!

My mother and father decided a year and a half ago to stop talking to me ( she has fibro too, just not as bad as me...which is part of our issues I am sure) because I wouldn't drive her to run some errands. I was in the middle of what I call a mini flare....a few days here or there where I feel more rundown and "fibro-y" than usual. I said no and that was pretty much the last I heard from her. And of course dad backed her up. While I commend him still loving my mother enough to support her, I am torn as to how I feel about him even today. After they stopped talking to me (and my three boys...only my daughter had continued contact due to after school sports), my ex husband moved back to town, after being gone for eight years, pretty much out of the blue. He had not spoken a word to our daughter since she was about 4 years old. Now, my parents hated his guts when I was married to him, but now they are BFF's. It is creepy, on the few occasions that I have visited my mom recently, there is a mug specifically for him at her house next to her coffee maker. *shudder* . They refuse to really acknowledge my new husband, of just over a year...after eight years of dating. I know they formed their opinion of him when he was going through some hard times mentally and emotionally, but they will not TRY to see that he is better. They talk about us behind our backs while my daughter is there. She has finally come to realize that she can tell them to stop. It might not work, but she feels better at least getting a say. I am glad to say that, while she is doing the thirteen year old girl thing (ugh), she does love my husband as her dad...he was the guy she leaned on when she got injured or sick for most of her life. And she respects that, even if she is being a brat lol.

After all is said and done, my immediate family is as supportive as they can be, with a son who has ADHD and Aspergers, another son with undiagnosed issues (pretty sure it is similar to the other's but he is technically an adult and has to figure the healthcare system out...with limited input from me) and a daughter who just got diagnosed with ADD. My husband, while he doesn't really "get it" he tries. Heck, he is the one that reminds ME to take it easy on bad days. I have a habit of forcing my way through still....after 15-20 years, you would think these things wouldn't be issues anymore.

All I can say to everyone who previously posted, hang in there.

You know, I sometimes think all families can be toxic in one way or another. Sometimes, time and distance help. In the early years, my in-laws and I butted heads a bit, but, now that Shane and I have been together 18 years, it is better. We still disagree sometimes, but we have all learned to let it roll off our backs a little more. My own family can certainly have its moments (and its specific members, whose moments go on and on and on), but we manage to try to ignore the bad and just hang on to the good times as best we can. There are things my dad and I cannot discuss, ever. So we don't. If he starts, I find some reason to hang up the phone or walk away, but I have given up on trying to reason with him an have intelligent discussions on those particular issues.

Of course, since we don't live within reasonable driving distance of any of our family on either side, we just have to manage to get along in very small, concentrated doses. Sometimes, I wish we were closer to family. Then, I watch the drama my friends and family who are still living close to "home" deal with, and I think, "Oh, thank Heaven for that 3,000 mile drive!" I do love them all, on both my side and my husband's, but boy, oh, boy, are we ever related to a bunch of weirdos! (I say that with great affection now, but you should hear me when I am pissed off at them

family well hell cant get rid of them as easy as others..some because of the pressure we put on ourself and from the out side world.I mean really your mother who can not like their mother..well let me tell you it is alright..we have to live this life and do what is best for our own life if someone is truly toxic you have looked at your self and found your own blame and tried to fix it still they are there making your life hard then set up bounderies,when they dont work its time for you to cut out the cancer that is bring you down..the problem I think falls with other family members how dare you stop talking to someone,lol..do what is best for you and know your limits and theirs and know that they really dont matter as much enless we give them the power to..

Oh Boy does family stress us out, lol! I had THE worst year ever and I still thing im in pain because of it. I no longer speak to my mother or father or brother or sister. I am the youngest of 5 kids (i'm 53) at the time I took my youngest son to visit his grandparents he was 12 he is 14 now, my son and I know all mothers say this but he brought things to keep him busy, his xbox, tv, football, he was really good, so one night my father walks up to me in the middle of myself and my mothers conversation and starts yelling at me, spit coming from his mouth yelling at me telling me I did this or that when I was 19!!! So my son is sitting there and I though oh my gosh I cannot let this continue any longer my mother said nothing, she never does, I yelled back at him, he was talking about who would take care of him if somethin happened to my mother my answer was "god will dad" to which he spit "bullshit" I swear the devil was in front of me. We left the next morning very early because I cant drive in the dark. A few months after that my mother calls me secretly from a shopping mall they were at and says "will you call dad and apologize?" i said for what? she said well you know he wont. I said no, then something horrible happened my 22 year old son I found some weird looking balloon things in his shoes? turned out to be that he was smoking heroine, he was stealing from us, all of my jewelry including my wedding rings gone, stole from his little brother, got himself arrested with my help I am happy to say that now he is fine and sober it was a journey, we then were invited to my big brothers wedding where my parents would be, we got there and I kept calling my mother and she wouldnt answer, we got to the chapel and approached them and my father started yelling at my son, I saw red and my husband looked in my eyes and said "walk away this is the place" so I did, this wedding was suppose to be a getaway from all the junk that had happened and my father did it again, at the reception the photographer asked my father to take a picture with his beautiful daughter (me) my husband and mother looked on as my father walked right past! We got home and they were sending hateful emails I would tell them to leave me alone and they would send more, my mother told my aunt that the reason my father is so angry WITH HIS OWN GRANDSON was because when we went to visit and left they had ants everywhere, guess what I've been listening to my mother talk about ants in their home for 15 years so my son didnt bring them! I have disowned them I will never speak to them again because my mother said I should have just shut my mouth like I did my whole life growing up, well no more, so then my brother started in, and my sister said I was having a pity party because I had one heck of a flare for months after that, so theres my stress in a box,lol! I lost my parents and siblings all in a few weeks, I went thru the loss and grief of it all and have come out of it ok. I don't speak to any of them I dont need that kind of stress for no reason because I wouldnt let him verbally attack me in front of my son, my father has always been an ass. My brother resurfaced on christmas day, did he not have anything better to do? I wouldnt have known because I was having a wonderful day with my family and my youngest daughter called and said on her facebook account she got a friend request by someone named larry dodge and he went to the same high school as me, I said hold on let me check so I look and this big wig with shell oil doesnt even have enough sense to use a fake birthday and high school, lol, i sent him a message asking why he was sending my daughter a friend request, he denied it at first and then said it was a mistake? REALLY? you can't do that by mistake, then he said he wanted to see who was saying negative things about him, ON CHRISTMAS DAY?? don't you have anything better to do? I said I am enjoying my family today goodbye and he said goodbye, I laughed and had a wonderful christmas. I don't need stress in my life I've had enough with my health issues, we know what it does to the average person but us with fibro, not good so I will keep laughing because its much more fun to not sweat the stupid stuff

When you get to the bottom here, my husband and are both only child orphans. It's complicated but basically the only family we have is our children and their children, and even that's hit or miss at times. Our children have figured out that the best way to punish me (exact revenge) is to keep the kids away from me. They don't do it often, but they do it.

His parents are gone, as well as my mother, haven't talked to my father in almost 20 years, neither of us are willing to be kicked around by siblings, so we don't interact with them and we are fine with that.

I am fine with it now LinBc but it was so stressful that I had a couple months in bed with a bad flare. I'm happy with my children and grandchildren and unfortunately its a 30 min drive to my daughters where 3 babies are and I don't feel good once I get there because of the drive, my other daughter has 2 of my grandchildren and lives in another country and my other 3 grandchildren are 3 hours away so holidays are wonderful but we don't see kids that much but when we do its the best! I have great kids!

piece of advice i wish i had followed when i was younger.....let your husband deal with his family and you stay out of it. I know it is extremely hard and i am not saying allow your husband's family to abuse you in any way. If they do, than yes you can ask them to stop it but it be much more stronger and better if your husband stood up for you and asked them to stop it.

I had cruddy mil too...if my husband would go to the bathroom, she start in on me lol! She was crazy all of her life and have addiction issues. It just was hard for me since all my other bf parents all loved me. One who was the most serious, his parents continued to keep in contact with me for rest of their lives and it meant a lot. They filled a hole in me that my parents cannot fill.

But looking back, i realize now, that it only put my husband in the middle...he felt pulled and it only added to his stress for me to say how his mother was not respecting him etc. I realize as a good wife, i should kept my mouth shut, or at least ask him if he wanted my help or opinion first. If he said no than i should stay out of it. I should have only done as he requested if i had only asked him instead of feeling like i needed to protect him or stand up for him. He was and is very capable of that himself and sure your husband is too.

It really is one huge regret for me that i did not give my husband the respect and belief in him that he could handle his family very well on his own..and he could and did.

I get funerals/death bring up a whole lot of emotional issues for all. But your husband needs to deal with his family and when there is death in yours, you need to handle it. You can support one another and hope you both do..sounds like it.

Your husband might think of item of his father that would mean a lot to have and ask his mother for it. He might tell her how he has felt too and suggest that she make a list of items and whom she would like them them to go too after she passes....to avoid this kind of problem. Sure there might be a jerk family member who still just takes something...but if it is that important since it is in writing there is always small claims court. Just be sad to instead of celebrating their love and life that their children instead fight over just things.

I just am giving you something to think about as it really did create problems down the road and hate for this to happen to you as well. I know we all are different but i seen this happen in families so many times and why...just for things...i gladly give up all my things to have my brother back, or many people i have loved and have died...things are not them...it is the love that matters most.