Fibro Challenges Online Support Group

I hope people will want to join this discussion. The reason I am bringing it up is because it is really such a tough topic for me. The junction is a place where I have experienced so much "understanding" re:the health situations we are in and how they effect our lives. I feel I can say almost anything I've experienced and someone will have "been there" or perhaps be struggling with the same "tough topics."

The health issues I deal with I have stated above. I have struggled with pain for well over 30 years. Of course with age, I'll be 59 in December, things get more complicated and I am becoming less active. And the fact that I was in an abusive relationship for nearly 7 years in which I was constantly told I was a lazy hypochondriac didn't do much for my courage. I can't tell you how many times I heard, "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!!!" My ex is now with a younger woman, and it's definitely the best thing that happened for me in years. I've come a long way baby, ,in the last year and a half, but my self-esteem has never been in very great shape. I'm also quite overweight, which wasn't so much the case 10 years ago. But the less I exercise, the more I weigh, the more I isolate, the more I eat, the more I weigh, the more I weigh, etc........

I am thinking that these traumas and issues are things that many, many of us have had to deal with. I thought when my ex left that I was just "done" and would remain alone rather than risk the rejection I felt ever again. The thought of "putting myself out there" again.....whatever that means.....was not within my vision of ever being an option again in this lifetime. Others wonder and ask when I will start going out again. I think my friends and family want me to wear a sandwich board and dance in front of Starbucks or something How attractive! But the thought of risking rejection and trying again just scares the beejeebers outa me!!! But then, what if there is a loving partner out there for me???? I can deal with staying single, but lately I really have been thinking about the "what if......" possibilities. And how would I deal with trusting that someone could deal with my limitations? They are so much more obvious than they were even 5 years ago! Better yet, how would I deal with my limitations as a partner??

I'm hoping you will help me with a conversation about this. Experience, advice, possibilities, common feelings, encouragement,........an unmarried friend you may have around?.....no......I am kidding on that last one....truly......that was a joke!

Please do comment , and take good care of you! You deserve it!!

Katie, Though I am not in the same place you are, I do understand what you are saying, and I am sure there are many here who are going through the same thing. It can be so scary to change the status quo, and easy to get stuck in one spot because of it.

My sister is in that same quandry right now. She has been single for almost 10 years now, and has steadily gained weight until now she is morbidly obese. Eating out of frustation and boredom, along with no physical activity have both contributed to it. I believe her fear of rejection or failure have been the main culprits.

I really hope you can face your fears, and stare them down. The only way they will defeat you is if you lie down and let them trample you. I know, easy to say, harder to do. That is true, but not much in this life seems to be easy, and what is, can be unfullfilling at the least and a waste of time at the most.

So my hope for you is that you recognize your worth, your strength, your courage, and feed your mind, soul and body with only that which enhances well-being. ~ Take care of You. You deserve it!~ A good friend told me that. Her name is Katie.

Thanks for the thoughts "oregonnative"! You have a way with words! I hope you don't mind if I quote you! I especially like "...not much in this life seems to be easy, and what is, can be unfulfilling at the least and a waste of time at the most." That is so very true.

I think you are right. I need to keep doing what enhances well-being and see what life brings. I did have a sweet offer from a nice gentleman friend to walk in the park. This was some time ago and I was tickled at the invitation, but never took him up on it. I'm still not sure if I will or not.

I am thinking that if I follow through with doing what it takes to get back on my feet, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and financially, that I will meet people who have similar interests and values. Some female, some male. And there will be no false pretense. I am determined not to do the preliminary disguising of parts of who I am and of what I am about that I have in the past with folks. I think my age and experience has finally taught me the downfalls of false pretense. For one thing, time is just too doggone short for it!!

Ummmm.....I do color my grey hair.......but does that count? I don't pretend it it's natural though, so I guess that's one I'll let slide!

Regarding combatting the fear, I think I'm in the right place. I feel support here that is so very valuable. So uplifting to my spirit. I think that I will never ever try to do any part of my life without a support system. My spirit tells me that we were never ever meant to go through life "alone". My support group of family members, my neighbors, my counseling center, my lifelong friends, my doctors (which I hand pick), and now my new friends here at the junction, are blessings that surround me and that I will never shut out again like I did during my relationship with my ex. That I KNOW is a lesson learned that I will never forget.

I hope more folks will join in on this discussion. It's tough, I know, for folks to try to live with as much "normalcy" as possible when their world seems to revolve around pain of one kind or another. I'm wondering how people with partners are doing and if there are some of you who can share their experiences with us???

I value your support, your sharing and YOU!

Take care of YOU! YOU deserve it!

Katie

When I was just 17 and without a rudder to steer me, my dear uncle wrote me a sweet note. In it he quoted, "Cast not your pearls before swine" and "To thine own self be true". I never forgot those words, and while it took me a few years to fully understand what they meant, and even more years to believe I deserved to have them for my own, I finally did, and after that, it was easy to do what you are talking about. Now it's, 'what you see is what you get'. No surprises. So, "Thank you, Uncle Alvin"

Oh I think I have to thank Uncle Alvin too! I love those two quotations. And I do have pearls to share with others too, doggone it! I think there have been several times in my life I've "settled" for someone because I thought I wasn't worth better. And I do know many folks do that. I'm working on making sure I can take care of me, including loving myself, so that if I meet someone I will have the real me to share with them. I could see in my ex that he was not only mentally ill, but emotionally ill as well. He often said he didn't like who he was, let alone love himself. How could I expect him to love me? Well, the same is true of me as well. No wonder we had such a hard time. But I am not going to make the same mistake again.

I am polishing my pearls!!!! Tell Uncle Alvin thank you for me!! When they are nice and shiny, then I'll wear them with confidence!! (I'll have to get myself some real pearl earrings, when I feel I'm ready to "graduate".....teehee! You know what? I have a PIGGY bank I can save up the money in!!! True!!!)

Oh I am loving writing back and forth with you. I hope you are enjoying it too. Please take very good care of you!!! You deserve it!!!!

Katie

Sorry I can't contribute to this thread. What you describe is not a reality for me. I've been married a long time and have a supportive and kind husband. I couldn't even imagine having to contemplate the dating scene. It sounds to me, though, that you have made great strides in making yourself better through your strife. I guess you just have to be open to new opportunities. (I color my hair, too);0

Connie

Hi Katie, I would say just go for it!!! I am not in that situation either myself, I have been happily married for 21 yrs to a very supportive husband. I was talking to my cousin who is going through a divorce after being verbally and emotionally abused for 13 yrs. I will tell you exactly what I told her, You deserve to be loved and treated with respect, don't close your heart to an opportunity to be happy again. You will meet some very nice people if you put yourself out there and at worst you will make some new friends, at best you will meet someone who will cherish you for who you are and not fault you for what disabilities are. I like this saying nothing ventured nothing gained. You keep your chin up and know that you are worth it!! Also another saying that may pertain to your future is " You teach people how to treat you". You take care and o.k. here is a secret, I own stock in a hair color company. LOL Just kidding but hair color is my best friend and has been since my mid 30's. You take care and hugs, Ann

Ann, your advice is excellent. Go for it Katie!

Connie

Thanks so much for support on this. I just think it must be so wonderful to have a supportive loving partner. I sure thought I'd grow up and have the picket fence, station wagon, happy ever after story. My mom and dad were married forever, and my dad just adored my mom to pieces. I think that's been one of the toughest things for me. My dad was a tough act to follow. But all my life I have longed for someone to love who loves me too. What a wonderful blessing that must be.

I am beginning to think it's possible and that I have good things to offer. That's the part that is tough ...... I need to develop the qualities I know I have that would be treasured and appreciated by another person. Now does this make sense? If I work on the qualities that I appreciate in my life with myself.....ie, some improvement on housekeeping and organizing and healthy habits......even cooking.......I think I would feel more confident having something to share. And even if it's only shared with myself, I would appreciate my own self even more for living like that!!! These are definitely things I need to work on. Things that were a part of my lifestyle before I was in such a rocky relationship. And then, I don't think I will be as stressed and depressed.......and that will help with the pain issues quite a bit, as I have learned from experience.

Perhaps I'll think about having the friend who wanted to walk in the park come visit my roommate and me some evening during the holidays. That would be kind of an icebreaker. And even if he and I remain just friends, that would be nice too. Is it terrible to call it practice? haha..... I feel like a teenager who has never dated when I think like this! Silly me!!! But I like "silly".....I've never claimed to be lacking in the silly department! That is something a partner would have to appreciate!!! The nice thing about this gentleman is that we've been friends for a long long time. Becoming reaquainted would be nice.

I think the message I am getting is just not to close doors.....but not to jump out the window either. At any rate, I do have a lot to work on, always, and I need to remember to enjoy my work! Joy is the key. And I will never let that slip away in desperation again, nor will I hide it for fear of losing it.

And I can't tell you how nice it is to know others are caring enough to "listen" and comment. I thank you all so much. I love to write and I've often written things down for myself in notebooks. That helps, but not nearly as much as seeing that someone has "read my thoughts" and cared enough to write supportive comments. I am truly appreciating you and am loving being a part of the junction here!

KNOW YOU ARE APPRECIATED!

Katie

Katie

Even those of us who are in loving relationships have things we can work on. Being married a long time can cause us to take things for granted and not show appreciation as much as we should. I often have to remind myself to be kind. Just because I'm in pain, I shouldn't be snippy or crabby. I have to work on that sometimes. . . .

Connie