Dusty, hon....I'm so sorry you're going through so much all at one time. I do feel for you.
I don't have kids, except seven furry, four-legged ones. I can only imagine how much more pressure you feel to care for your babies.
Everyone here has had some wonderful things to say to you, and I back up every word. I just have a few more thoughts...
First of all, as long as tummies are full and diapers are changed, you have to remember that you have to be at your best, in order to be the best mom you can be. You are being a good mother, or you wouldn't have posted your concerns here in the first place. But your kids need you to take care of you, too!
First, I'd like you to just stop and take some slow, deep breaths. I feel your anxiety and panic in your typing. You need to reach the point where your pain doesn't rule your life, but you're right....you DO need a break!
Don't let what others think of you concern you, right now. So what if you weren't in your Sunday best when you went to the hospital with your baby. You were caring for your child. And if any doctor said or did anything to make you feel like an idiot, then report him. They have no right to judge you or belittle you in any way.
Lowering housekeeping standards and making hubby and whomever else fend for themselves will help.
This is the link to the letters Debbie was referring to:
I haven't had the chance to try to re-format them yet, but they may help you get your point across to those you love, so that they will better understand what you are going through.
Your depression concerns me. Your anti-depression meds aren't helping you because you are in too much pain. Is your doctor doing anything for you, or enough for you? Do you think maybe you should consider finding another doctor? You're not getting the relief you need. Print out what you've typed here and make your doctor read it. If he refuses to do more to help you manage your pain, go doctor-shopping as soon as you can.
A messy, dirty, cluttered house stresses me out beyond belief. I have just hired some help. I hired a housekeeper and a personal assistant. Now, I am not rich by any stretch of the imagination, believe me. But I have days where it's all I can do just to take care of my critters, much less anything else. And I don't have anyone to help me.
You can find help with housekeeping, babysitting, or just general care. You can search near your own zip code, get referrals, reviews and background checks on the people. Even if you only have someone come in for a couple of hours a day, or every other day, it will give you some time to get a nap, take a long bath, or do something else to give you the "me" time you need so badly.
You DO deserve to be here, and we're glad you came to us here. We are here for you, and don't you forget it.
Please, take advantage of as many of our suggestions as you can. You have got to take care of you.
I wish you a peaceful evening, restful sleep, and moments without pain.
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