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03/02/2012 12:54 AM

18 feels like 81... and all i need is hope...

notinmyhead
 
Posts: 3
New Member

Hi, my name is savannah. i am 18 years old.im enaged to my love, my family thinks im crazy. they think im lazy, they think i just want attention. they have been telling me for years all my pain is just in my head, that i just need to woman up and deal with it. im out of bed everyday no matter what, i may not get out of pj's but im up. and for those days where the pain takes me to my knees, im up anyway. at 13 years old i started my period, i didn't know what a period was, i was never taught. i knew nothing about growing up. when i started my period it was so heavy and so painful i thought i was dying. i literally wrote my sister "who i was living with at the time" a letter telling her i was dying and i was scared, but only after a week of going thru it by myself. i never had regular periods, ever. i went a whole year a time or to. but when i was 14 i had a period i would never forget, thats when i first cyst rupsured. i was took to the hospital and tested and scanned and they found 3 on my overys, they all ruptured. this continued on to about when i turned 16 when i started hurting ad everytime i have a period. i laid on the heating pad crying all the time. but the worst so far started around 8 months ago and has only got worse. i have severe stomach pain, chest pain, bm pain, gas pain, and all around constant pain. i have been to the doctor more times than i can count, spent more money than i have, and wasted more time than i have. the doctors went from its just normal, to ibs, to chrones, to its all in your head, to ibs agian, to gallblatter, to ibs one agian, to are you sure?, to a hint it may be endo, to ibs to,"what i just herad monday" savannah you dont have ibs you defantly have endo but i want to put you on ibs meds and want you to go see your obgyn. but you dont have ibs like i have been telling you for the last 6 months. now i have a apointment tomarrow at 1:30 to see my obgyn and schedule a surgry to see if i do. what happens if i do? im so worried, and its hard, i want kids, i want to be pain free, i want to be a normal 18 year old kid who has fun. but i feel like a old woman. endo seems worse then ibs becouse at least i can have a family with that. my family doesnt understand tho, and my fiance trys but be doesnt grasp it. i have been struggling for this whole time, just trying to figure it out, just to get better, and it seems everyone is still agienst me. my mother even said "so your just going to let them cut you open and do exsporitory surgy on you, your not just going to give up?" and i could just think, you think i dont want to give up. i want to give up more than anyone knows.... i just need some hope.. hope that i will be ok, that i will have my dream to have kids, hope that i can finally have normal sex with my fiance with out hurting and getting blood everywhere every since time we have sex..... is that to much to ask for?...... sorry this is so long...i just had so much to say.
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03/05/2012 01:32 PM
mkempen
mkempen  
Posts: 59
Member

Hey...I just saw your post. I hope you kept your gyno appt and talked to them. I had doctors tell me it was because I was losing weight and once my weight stabled I would be better, bull. No one can tell you for sure the outcome after having the surgery. I wish I could. I started my periods at 10 and bleed alot. I thought it was normal my mom had bad ones too. A few years ago the pain started during my period, especially having a bm. I had the lap surgery in July '11. They found endo, I don't know what stage. They found it in my destroyed fallopian tubes and on my intestines (that one explains the bm pain) with other spots. After surgery I had a few months painfree. But it's slowly coming back, I have an appt with the gyno and I hope he can give me some good news.

Have to say that during surgery they found some fibroids that they removed, that was my source of bleeding everyother week and after sex. My regular gyno didn't see them but the surgeon found it. That hasn't come back.

As for people not believing you I understand. My hubby didn't believe me until the day he found me throwing up from the pain. At work my co-workers didn't know I suffered from it until I was out for surgery but if they would have ever come into my office during those weeks they may have found me banging my head on my desk to get pain somewhere else to stop thinking about my endo pain.

Remember you are not in this alone, there are alot of women with it. You can pm me anytime, even its just to vent. Read through posts sometimes someone finds a trick that helps get the pain lower for them, may not work for you but never hurts to try. But be safe, don't try things that are going to hurt you.

Keep in touch

Post edited by: mkempen, at: 03/05/2012 01:34 PM

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