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06/16/2011 09:12 AM

It's Love Me Tender Thursday!

Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14598
Group Leader

This exercise is designed to raise your self-esteem and self-confidence and it will probably be one of the easiest AND hardest exercises you've ever done.

From morning until night, abusers subtly and not so subtly communicate to their victims that they are stupid, lazy, selfish, fat, ugly, worthless, etc. When you hear things long enough, you begin to believe them. We don't need to hear any more negativity about ourselves. What we DO need to hear is positive things!

Every Sunday, my pastor mentions Romans 10:17, which says "Faith comes by hearing ..." He also likes to remind us that faith can be negative or positive. Negative faith is believing you won't get that job, you won't get better or you will never be happy. Positive faith, on the other hand, is believing in yourself, knowing that you are an intelligent, compassionate person and that you deserve to be happy. How much negative faith do YOU have?

So if faith (negative and positive) comes by hearing, then it stands to reason that the only way to conquer negative faith in ourselves is with positive words about ourselves. Who is going to give you those wonderful positives? Your abuser? Never! It's going to have to be you. YOU are going to have to be your own cheerleader ... at least in the beginning.

So for now, I want you to take five minutes out of your day when you are alone in your house (or reasonably alone) or your car, look into the mirror and say nice things about yourself. You actually have to do speak them out loud, though you can use a whisper if you have to, but your ears have to hear them.

A good place to start is with whatever your abuser has accused you of. If he accuses you of being stupid, tell yourself that you are intelligent. If he accuses you of being fat and ugly, tell yourself that you are gorgeous! Whatever your abuser says about you, say the opposite to yourself. Some examples are:

"I am a very intelligent person."

"I am very creative and have lots of great ideas!"

"I am beautiful and healthy and I feel great!"

"Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better!"

"I am fun to be around and people enjoy my company!"

At first, this is going to be very difficult. You may feel like a fool standing there saying things to yourself that you clearly don't believe. DON'T STOP THOUGH! Work through it. Our goal should be to say these things to ourselves every day and so I'll remind you of it every Thursday with Love Me Tender Thursday!

I promise you that if you are persistent with this, very soon, you will begin to feel growing self-esteem and self-confidence, but you have to stick with it and do it preferably every day. I find the morning works best for most people while they are showering and getting ready for their day.

YOU CAN DO THIS! Smile Smile Smile

Post edited by: Meg1129, at: 06/16/2011 09:17 AM

Reply

06/23/2011 02:42 AM
Tryingtomanage
TryingtomanagePosts: 99
Member

oh wow, that is a light bulb moment for me. thank u for that!

07/07/2011 10:56 AM
momofbnb
momofbnb  
Posts: 259
Member

This was one of God's whispers to me.

Earlier, I was praying and having doubts on "whether or not I would get the job(other people are more qualified, they ar probably more professional, and have better teeth)" Then it went on to "I am running out of money, maybe I won't be able to support my kids, maybe we will end up homeless"

Now, I go on to read this and I feel it was God's way of communicating with me. The past 2 days I have been in a funk, feeling defeated. It's funny how I was giving up on the race before it was even close to the finish line.

J's "negatives" were hard to catch, more reading between the lines. "Why did you do that? (eyeroll)(snort)" or If the kids misbehaved or got mad at him, it was my parenting. (headshaking)(sighs)"If you would just...." "you couldn't make it (finacially) without me." Or just plain neglect and not wanting to be with me.

Anyway, it will be a little trickier finding the right words, but I am definately going to try this.

Thanks Meg!Wink


10/20/2011 07:54 AM
WandaLynn
WandaLynn  
Posts: 990
Member

thank you Meg...I am always thinking in my mind negatives about myself and rarely positive things so I am going to start doing this.hugs!

Wanda


10/20/2011 08:00 AM
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14598
Group Leader

Do it! After a week, I guarantee that you won't believe how good you feel about yourself! Another thing I find very cathartic is to "talk" to the people I'm angry with when I walk my dog. Now I walk my dog in the woods, so I don't have to worry about anyone hearing me, but you can mumble under your breath if you are in a crowded area. With all the headsets people use now, they won't know if you're talking to yourself or someone on your bluetooth. Just tell that person everything you feel. Tell them how angry you are. You need to get it out and you need to hear yourself standing up for yourself!

11/03/2011 08:46 AM
p92868
p92868  
Posts: 2700
Senior Member

Yes!

I was just thinking as I was towards the end of your message, Meg1129, I want every day to be Love Me Tender Thursday! and yes, it shall be every day a Thursday day to celebrate happy thoughts about myself.

You know what??!!....

I just associated what happens with me, and bet to a lot of us,....I remember when I was a very little and young girl, my great grandmother (a very nice and sweet old lady) having startled me and told me (as I was watching my face on the mirrow; remember the mirrow was an interesting and misterious invention thought to be associated with witchery).....not to look in the mirrow (affraid of vanity and that I would feel too pretty??!! and self confident and not dependend on a man or get the chance to get a man who would have provided for you back in her times way of thinking.....and as crazy as this idea seems this is what I, if not we, have inherited unconciously and how I have been operating automatically in my way of thinking and behaving!! every second of my life) else the devil will come out and scare you.....so I learn not to admire myself affraid that this was not a good thing to do.

Now I know differently, that in her time, this idea worked for her survival and she did it with good intensions but this idea is not conducive to my happy live in todays world and I will delete this information from my practical live and rewrite the program and concept in my memory that it is OK to admire and love myself (and build my confidence and self steem in the process) and NO DEVIL will come out of the mirrow for admiring myself on it (ha, ha, ha, ha,....sounds funny ah?) because in todays world I can provide for myself and be independant from having a man to take care of my needs, and I will download and archive this information in my brain so that the next time I feel like admiring myself I will not stop automatically and continue to feel ALL GOOD about myself.

I will them magically and misteriously will attract people that are happy with themselves and will play and enjoy life sharing similar morals and principles and get to share the adventurous experiences in this fun life (like when I was a young girl) and talk about the moon, the stars and get to learn other things that are fun to do.

Thursday hug,

Patricia

Post edited by: p92868, at: 11/03/2011 08:51 AM

Post edited by: p92868, at: 11/03/2011 08:53 AM

Post edited by: p92868, at: 11/03/2011 08:58 AM

Post edited by: p92868, at: 11/03/2011 09:00 AM

Post edited by: p92868, at: 11/03/2011 09:08 AM


01/12/2012 04:15 AM
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14598
Group Leader

This exercise is designed to raise your self-esteem and self-confidence and it will probably be one of the easiest AND hardest exercises you've ever done.

From morning until night, abusers subtly and not so subtly communicate to their victims that they are stupid, lazy, selfish, fat, ugly, worthless, etc. When you hear things long enough, you begin to believe them. We don't need to hear any more negativity about ourselves. What we DO need to hear is positive things!

Every Sunday, my pastor mentions Romans 10:17, which says "Faith comes by hearing ..." He also likes to remind us that faith can be negative or positive. Negative faith is believing you won't get that job, you won't get better or you will never be happy. Positive faith, on the other hand, is believing in yourself, knowing that you are an intelligent, compassionate person and that you deserve to be happy. How much negative faith do YOU have?

So if faith (negative and positive) comes by hearing, then it stands to reason that the only way to conquer negative faith in ourselves is with positive words about ourselves. Who is going to give you those wonderful positives? Your abuser? Never! It's going to have to be you. YOU are going to have to be your own cheerleader ... at least in the beginning.

So for now, I want you to take five minutes out of your day when you are alone in your house (or reasonably alone) or your car, look into the mirror and say nice things about yourself. You actually have to do speak them out loud, though you can use a whisper if you have to, but your ears have to hear them.

A good place to start is with whatever your abuser has accused you of. If he accuses you of being stupid, tell yourself that you are intelligent. If he accuses you of being fat and ugly, tell yourself that you are gorgeous! Whatever your abuser says about you, say the opposite to yourself. Some examples are:

"I am a very intelligent person."

"I am very creative and have lots of great ideas!"

"I am beautiful and healthy and I feel great!"

"Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better!"

"I am fun to be around and people enjoy my company!"

At first, this is going to be very difficult. You may feel like a fool standing there saying things to yourself that you clearly don't believe. DON'T STOP THOUGH! Work through it. Our goal should be to say these things to ourselves every day and so I'll remind you of it every Thursday with Love Me Tender Thursday!

I promise you that if you are persistent with this, very soon, you will begin to feel growing self-esteem and self-confidence, but you have to stick with it and do it preferably every day. I find the morning works best for most people while they are showering and getting ready for their day.

YOU CAN DO THIS!


01/12/2012 08:14 AM
unafemina

Thank you for this. I am going to start today.

01/19/2012 04:16 AM
Meg1129
Meg1129Posts: 14598
Group Leader

This exercise is designed to raise your self-esteem and self-confidence and it will probably be one of the easiest AND hardest exercises you've ever done.

From morning until night, abusers subtly and not so subtly communicate to their victims that they are stupid, lazy, selfish, fat, ugly, worthless, etc. When you hear things long enough, you begin to believe them. We don't need to hear any more negativity about ourselves. What we DO need to hear is positive things!

Every Sunday, my pastor mentions Romans 10:17, which says "Faith comes by hearing ..." He also likes to remind us that faith can be negative or positive. Negative faith is believing you won't get that job, you won't get better or you will never be happy. Positive faith, on the other hand, is believing in yourself, knowing that you are an intelligent, compassionate person and that you deserve to be happy. How much negative faith do YOU have?

So if faith (negative and positive) comes by hearing, then it stands to reason that the only way to conquer negative faith in ourselves is with positive words about ourselves. Who is going to give you those wonderful positives? Your abuser? Never! It's going to have to be you. YOU are going to have to be your own cheerleader ... at least in the beginning.

So for now, I want you to take five minutes out of your day when you are alone in your house (or reasonably alone) or your car, look into the mirror and say nice things about yourself. You actually have to do speak them out loud, though you can use a whisper if you have to, but your ears have to hear them.

A good place to start is with whatever your abuser has accused you of. If he accuses you of being stupid, tell yourself that you are intelligent. If he accuses you of being fat and ugly, tell yourself that you are gorgeous! Whatever your abuser says about you, say the opposite to yourself. Some examples are:

"I am a very intelligent person."

"I am very creative and have lots of great ideas!"

"I am beautiful and healthy and I feel great!"

"Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better!"

"I am fun to be around and people enjoy my company!"

At first, this is going to be very difficult. You may feel like a fool standing there saying things to yourself that you clearly don't believe. DON'T STOP THOUGH! Work through it. Our goal should be to say these things to ourselves every day and so I'll remind you of it every Thursday with Love Me Tender Thursday!

I promise you that if you are persistent with this, very soon, you will begin to feel growing self-esteem and self-confidence, but you have to stick with it and do it preferably every day. I find the morning works best for most people while they are showering and getting ready for their day.

YOU CAN DO THIS!


01/19/2012 06:28 AM
WandaLynn
WandaLynn  
Posts: 990
Member

momofbnb,

I can really relate to your post.I get all these negative things coming at me in my mind and I think it comes from being abused so long and from fear.I have been telling myself in my mind when I get them coming at me that God didn't give me a spirit of fear...someitmes i picture a big stop sign in my mind to tell myself it is time to quit thinking these negative things.

We have been programmed too long with all this junk in our heads and it is understandable why but now we have to be positive about ourselves.

My ex husband told me this week that Im a great Mom and he sees it in my kids.Wow!I havent had a compliment for so long that it just about freaked me out.Now my husband

(present)has only ever told me what I do wrong.I cannot believe what he says anymore.

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