Emotional Abuse Support Group

You're a lying sack of shit! So you go to my friends and tell them lies about me, what did you hope to accomplish? They know the truth. One friend you even tried to seduce. She sees right threw your ass.

Now I know what you're saying about me and it's really ridiculous. If these people had brains in their heads, they would never listen to your lies. I'm this, I'm that, but I left you. If your're so wonderful and amazing and your crazy wife left you, wouldn't you be glad and move on instead of trashing me to everyone I knew.

Another thing, idiot. I was abused and so I hung arund people who were also abused and also addicts. These are not shining stars you're talking about me to. Get a life, get a real friend and fuck off.

Dear Heartless Bastard,

I am not even really sure where to begin… let me start by saying FUCK YOU! Yeah, that’s right, I said it… FUCK YOU!!! Guess I shouldn’t talk like that though right? Only you are allowed to curse and throw insults and be angry, I almost forgot. Don’t be mean, don’t say things like that, I wouldn’t do that to you… my fucking ass you wouldn’t! You did it all the time! All part of your game to twist up my mind and destroy my soul. I see your game so clearly now… all those times you were loving and sweet and kind, all a prelude to the ugliness, hatred and violence you spewed. Your way of making me think things were okay… because the good was always better than the bad… but then again, I wasn’t supposed to think about the bad… that just made me a negative person right? What could possibly be wrong with me that I can’t forget the bad things you did to me? Clearly I am obsessive and crazy just like my mother. Oh wait, maybe it’s just that I don’t see things right, or maybe it was because I caused you so many insecurities that you act that way, or maybe I just didn’t show you enough how much I loved you, or possibly it is just me running away from things like I always do because I am so childish, and can’t communicate like a grown woman. Or maybe it is that I am a skank, whore or just too stupid to get it thru my head. Oh wait, I got it now… It’s my naive way of looking at things… I don’t live in the real world. Sorry I am having such a hard time deciding which one of these things it could be, I obviously cannot think for myself… maybe you should just tell me what it is… you were always so good at that.

Fuck you for taking advantage of me, of my kindness, my generosity, of my good nature, my loving heart. Fuck you for fucking up my life! For pushing my friends away, my family, my career, for taking away my freedom and independence for financially ruining me. I know I had a huge bull’s eye painted on my forehead… the perfect victim for you. I wish that I would have listened to my instincts about who you were and what you were rather than listening to my heart and believing your lies. I saw who you were, but didn’t want to believe it. Fuck you for being so good at playing games. You knew what you were doing… what steps to take, how to make me fall for your lies. You knew I loved you and would do anything for you… and you always pushed me to see how far I would let you go. I feel like I was one huge game to you… one more person for you to step on in your journey through life. How stupid was I that you even told me how you had treated people before me, how you had lived your life… I should have ran then… I wish I would have. Not even you telling me in all of your stories who you really were scared me away then… it scares me now.

You are a user! You only keep people around you if they serve a purpose for you. How many people in your life have you used up and then discarded? How many “friends” have you borrowed money or benefited from them in some way, for you to then throw them away. How many business deals have you scammed and manipulated? How many people in your life have you lied to and ripped off? You have no concept of true friendship… you don’t know how to function in any kind of relationship PERIOD! Even your children you use… you used them to suck me in and hook me. Made me be the mom… when they had one before me… but again lies of yours I believed. FUCK YOU for allowing me to fall so in love with the kids and then taking them away from me. That was such a cruel thing to do. To turn them on me, to use them to your benefit and then give them back to their mother when having them around doesn’t benefit you anymore? Shows how much you loved them… more lies from your disgusting foul mouth. I hate you for hitting my son… I would like to take a baseball bat to your head for that. You treated him like shit because you were jealous of him… of an 8 year old child. Well, you should be! He is more of a man now than you could ever dream of being. That light inside of him that you tried so hard to put out, shines brighter than any of your dark ugliness could ever take away. You will rot in hell for the way you treated him.

Fuck you for being unfaithful to me. You are a disgusting pig! I wish I would have spit in your morning coffee like I always wanted to. I hope your dick shrivels up and falls off… like your dead black heart. It makes me ill to think you paid for sex with women off of craigslist and then came home to me. You are a nasty disgrace of a man. You are not even a man… what kind of man has to pay a women to have sex with him? Oh Mr. I am such a good lover, every woman wants me, I have such a big dick blah, blah, blah… you had to pay for it! Of course she wanted you… well, she wanted what was in your pocket anyway! How dare you bring someone into MY house! How dare you continue to lie to me after I found the emails. How dare you let me suffer… why? Because you are heartless and care about no one but yourself. You are weak, you fucking suck, oh and yeah, you are a PUNK! I hope the next woman you are with cheats on you over and over again. I hope she gives you an STD like you gave to me and I hope she treats you like shit… because you deserve it.

You deserve every terrible, horrible thing that you have coming to you in your life. You will be miserable and when you die, no one will come to your funeral because you suck as a human being. You have left a path of destruction everywhere you have gone for your entire life. Your pathetic attempt to make me feel sorry for you with your suicide note failed. You know what I think of that? How much of a fuck up you are… you even fucked up killing yourself… what a joke… can’t even do that right. The only good contribution you have ever made to this world is your kids. I feel sorry for them that they have to be burdened with you as their father. I hope in their case, the apple DOES fall far from the tree… there is still hope for them… you, you are pointless. I hope someday you wake up and realize how despicably you have treated people… ah… there I go hoping again. I know that will never happen. You’ve admitted to me yourself, you never feel remorse in your life. Hate to tell you dear, but that makes you a sociopath. Look it up… fits you to a tee. I know you wanted me because you thought the goodness in me could overcome the badness in you. It doesn’t work that way… you need to work on you.

The really sad part is, I am sitting here feeling bad about what I am saying… I guess that’s what sets us apart. You never felt bad for anything you ever did to me, or to the kids. You are a manipulator, a liar, a cheater, con artist, user, abuser, self-centered, selfish, racist, hypocrite. You hurt me, yes you did. There is no denying that. But I will pick myself up and brush myself off and it will take some work to mend my broken pieces, but you didn’t break me. I am free from you and from your abuse. Every day I get stronger and every day you will miss your victim. You will miss having your care taker, your maid, your lover, your fixer, your verbal punching bag. While I am going on to a bigger and brighter future, you will still be stuck in your life of self induced misery. You will continue to have one failure after another as has been the pattern in your life. Karma is a bitch and she is coming for you my friend... only this time I won’t be there to pick up the pieces for you. You really fucked up this time… you don’t even begin to realize what you had, and now that is gone. I will never come back to you no matter how much you beg or cry. I deserve better than anything you could possibly have to offer me. You were right… I do think I am better than you… as a matter of fact, I know I am. Game over… I win, and oh yeah… FUCK YOU!

I hate you. I hate everything about you. I hate your fat legs and your big ass. I hate your little bitty dick that pales in comparison to the man I loved's. I hate how you touched me. I hate how you ignored me. I hate how you shut me down with one sentence. I hate how you kept me prisioner. I hate how you only let me hang out with your fucked up, dysfunctional family that doesn't even love you. Your own mom abandoned you twice. Ok, that's mean and I feel bad pointing it out, but if you're reading this because you're still spying, then you deserve everything you're reading.

I'll continue. I hate how you stared at every other woman and went out of your way to make sure I knew you were looking. As if they would want you, bitch, please! I hate how you'd make me suck your dick because you aren't man enough to have sex with me. I hate you for always ignoring my wants and needs. I hate you because when you walked into the room, you sucked all of the energy out of it, like a black hole. I hate you ruining my son's childhood and brushing him off to the side when my daughter came along. I hate you for never helping me change one diaper, stay up at nights, or taking the burden of care off of me for one minute- unless someone was watching, then you're father of the year.

I hate you for twisting everything I said around to suit the ridiculous shit you said. I hate you for abusing me so badly that I gained weight and now have issues that are going to require surgery to fix. I hate you for never getting it, for never wanting to get it. I hate you for all of the times you pouted if I didn't tell you "I love you, too." I don't love you, I don't like you, I hate you if you can't tell.

And no, I'm not going to tell you for the 10th time why I left you. I so graciously told you the first time when you asked me that question and all you cared about was making sure I knew that man was only interested in me as a piece of ass. News flash: that man took better care of me in and out of the bedroom in the short time we were together than you did in thirteen years. You can run him down all you want to make yourself feel better, but you can't hold a candle next to him. He cared about what I had to say, he appreciated the things I did for him like fold a few towels, he held me, he rubbed my back and asked me exactly how I wanted it rubbed, he kissed me and told me how he spent the day thinking about kissing me, we talked and talked and talked in each other's arms, and it was heaven when I was with him then I left and was back in hell with you. Now I know these are all foreign concepts for you, but these are things I so desperately needed from you and tried for years, nine years, to get from you.

I feel better. You are a piece of shit. You are the biggest hurdle I will ever have gotten over and because of you, I found strength in myself I didn't even know I had. Because of you, I love myself more. Because of you, I won't be putting up with any man's shit and I will find me the most wonderful man on the planet who is the antithesis of you. I paid my dues. I survived hell and now I am manuevering my way around it and have heaven in my sights.

Moron.

To the man I fell in love with--

I will love you always and cherish the rare good times we had. The times void of anxiety and the need for me to tiptoe on egg shells.

To the man you've turned into--

I feel so very sorry for you. You will never know how it feels to truly love someone. You are incapable of that. You only know hurt!!! You are a manipulating, distrusting, name-calling, angry, confused, shell of a human. You have hurt me for the last time!!! You always successfully beat me down but this time I stand strong. I see you now. My love for you isn't enough for me to come back just one more time. I won't hear your sorries or your desparate cries for help. I hope you get the help you need and spare the next girl you charm in the craziness. I'm not a whore. I never wanted to take things from you. I am a good person. You aren't my last chance at happiness. I won't live the rest of my life alone. And I will be a mother someday!!!!!! With that I say goodbye and please please please leave me alone to heal.

Your loving wife

Yesterday's Dog

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Pile of shit, you made me into

the fucking rain, the fucking ignorance of beauty

the torture, my arms tied my body tied, giving to you giving to you permission to torture me

your fucking dick in my mouth BANG BANG BANG my face fuck it we both hate me together

hate me, you did good to hate me

i hate me, i hate how i loved you , supple skin, your pulse wild with orgasm

sit on me, hit me, hit me hit me again, please do to me what you want to do, i love to let you loose on me

so you can win, so your body loosens

so you love me again

now you fuck her

you know how to be tender and make her give in

and like every game you play

you know how to win

I know nothing. I had no strategy.

I walk down the empty grocery store aisles emptied of myself

pretending to eat food, pretending we didnt dance there

walking down the aisles touching the horror that you have forgotten it all and now i dont exist

i pretend nutrients can still reach my bones or make my body strong, i put them in the cart

and pay for them

where do i go, i put you everywhere

i make empty poems and empty drawings and empty future

from spilling and spilling and spilling you out

what do i do, i move my mouth and try to puke

but I am still filled with you

Post edited by: starrybook2, at: 05/24/2012 09:50 PM

Post edited by: starrybook2, at: 05/24/2012 09:50 PM

I sooo need this...

Dear D****,

You came back into my life when I was miserable and needed to be saved. You were my best friend and I shared my life with you. You made me love u again and gathered information in order to use it against me later (you thought). You used my vulnerability as a person who helped others as your platform to feed into your issues. You used me!

I felt love from you, i thought u loved me but quickly caught onto your lies. You threatened my family and kept me in fear of you doing things to my exes in front of my children. I kept you around because I was not sure of what u would do/could do.

I was a fool. U begged for me to just love u. I was vulnerable and u used that against me. I was totally devoted to my family despite our problems. You made me trust you and then made me fear you. The cycle made me depend on you. You made me feel loved and then when u felt threatened the abuse was beyond what i could take. I would run from you out of fear and then u would draw me back in. You would admit that you were screwed up and promise to stop drinking and get help. That is what I desperately wanted for you. I wanted to help you. I thought u were sincere. Boy was I wrong. Now u sit in jail, u tried to take over my life. You have ruined alot of my relationships with my family and u think it is wrong that u pay for your abuse? You have almost ruined my life. I am suffering because of your selfish actions and I do not feel that the emotional bulls@@@ I am going through is fair.

My final words for you are... You are pathetic, you need help and if you do not do what it takes to help yourself in your advanced age then you can live in the hell that you created for yourself. I tried to help you, I put your needs over my own and now it is time for me to heal and put my life back in order.

Learning to put myself first,

Kim

Good letter, Kim!

I am soooo angry my thinking of you makes me very upset....I want you OUT of my mind....you played innocent when I met you and I believed you...when you all along knew you were playing me....you were training me to take yet more abuse....abuse that was disguised as care...meantime you were screwing with other women...and me too....how dare you!...you have been alll along all this time...not even your parents you respect....I got you!....you are an ABUSER SOCIOPATH!....nautiating is what you are....you stink!....and you disguise it very well...you are soooo good as a con artists that even our friends look up to you...even society looks up to you...meanwhile you ALWAYS have a victim waiting for you to go back to them....you are pathetic!...how dare you play me and other people!....you ought to feel very very very longly....unless you have a victim....you must have spoken and made awful stories about me....yet you CANNOT survive in MY life!...I am erradicating you from my space!....OUT!...OUT OF MY LIFE!....YOU are NOT welcome in my space!...no disguise...that is what I see...and my dad and brother ARE exactly what you are....YOU are a pathetic ABUSER!....GET OUT of this planet!...you do NOT belong in my life.....you belong in missery....not sure why you were given permission to exist....I just know I WANT YOU OUT!...I HATE YOU!....I have learned that NOONE shall disrespect me the way you do....not only to me but to others....I feel sorry for the women that will be in your path....get the F*CK OUT OF MY MIND!...I dispise you, detest you!...How did you f*cking dare abuse ME!!!???....GET OUT OF MY MIND!....I look forward to not thinking of you at ALL!...and I SHALL GET THERE!....I hate you have turned my friends against me...but not even that will stop me from going far and far away from you...I have friends and knowledge on my side that not even you can manipulate and turn them against me....GO AWAY!

Writing this out helped me. I broke down for two days afterwards. There were times when I thought my life was over. Keep writing! I have. It helped to release the pain and know that I am not alone. Your own letters help when I read them. I hope u all continue to share to release the pain. <3

I think it's high time for another one of these!

To my lowly, pathetic ex-husband,

You deserve nothing but extreme pain for all of the things you've done to me and our two children. You are pathetic and I sincerely pity you. When I think of you, my skin crawls. You aren't a man.

So you have a new girlfriend and "she is more of a woman in her pinky toe than I'll ever be." Lmao. Good for her. I feel so very sorry for her. I wish I could share with her some of my memories of you, but, alas, you already have her brainwashed into thinking you are her knight in shining amour so she would never believe me. My wish for her is that it doesn't take her 13 years to figure out for herself what you really are. You are a taker, a plague that slowly seeps out every bit of life until you move on to your next victim.

Our children are suffering because of you. Can't you see that when you stay at her house four nights a week that you are neglecting them? Why won't you pay enough attention to them to see that they question why they aren't good enough for you to spend time with them? Why don't you see the sadness in your son's eyes when you choose to be with your gf over throwing around a foot ball with him? I already know the answers to those questions. It breaks my heart that you got custody of our kids and you are abusing them and all I can do is watch it happen 343 miles away. They are so very lucky I can explain to them why you do the things you do and that I know how they feel even when they can't put their feelings into words.

I hate the things you've done to me, but I don't hate you anymore. I am blessed not to carry that anger with me. You see, I am a once in a lifetime woman and you ruined your chance of seeing that, but I've freed myself for a once in a lifetime man to see that.

You are despicable. You are seriously fucked up. I'm not because I got away from you. I am a survivor. I am smart, sassy, hilarious, smily, sexy as hell, kind, mature, vulnerable, beautiful, outspoken, a great friend, a wonderful lover, adventurous, imperfect, a good housekeeper, warm, friendly, a smartass, ironic, and attractive all in spite of you!

You, however, are ugly, evil, bitter, selfish, a destroyer, manipulative, a sociopath, hateful, stubborn, rude, pathetic, insignificant, a liar, cheater and a drunk! Yuck!