So, we have all heard it, those of us who have been abused, we are idiots for staying. Or whatever you fill in the blank.
People don't understand why. There are many reasons why. These people build up our self worth first few steps in the door only to tear it down.
It is never usually a fast process. It is usually stealthy and slow. First it starts with telling us how magically wonderful we are, and magically they can save us. They build a dream world. Oh, isn't wonderful how he cares what I do with my time? Hey, it feel really good to be called several times a day because this shows he/she cares. Our minds get taken over. We are taken hostage.
My story was, I was slowly being brainwashed into thinking I couldn't live without him, I wasn't good enough, I should behave and then he will be nice, etc. What happened was it was easier to stop thinking for myself because he drilled into my brain.
Break up with an abuser you say? Really? That easy huh? No, it isn't. The only way to free yourself of an abuser is if they meet someone else and they have a new subject to take hostage.
I literally felt like a hostage victim. I was a hostage victim. After more than a year I am finally functioning and thinking for myself. My friends get annoyed with me because I don't always pick up the phone and I turn my ringer off. It isn't personal. I just like the fact that I can do this now. That I can have my phone off and I don't have to answer it.
When I was with him and I turned off my phone or didn't answer it, and it didn't matter if I called him right back. In his mind, I must be cheating on him.
He hit me a few times. That wasn't the hardest part to get over. It was how my mind was taken hostage. I am an alpha female and assertive to the max. After being with him for 8 months I started to get a very quiet voice, didn't look people in the eyes anymore, constantly said yes when I wanted to say no, and lost myself.
I did get out though. I knew when I got pregnant, based on statistics and a nice conversation with the lady at the abuse hotline, that the abuse would escalate. I got lucky because he met another girl and got her pregnant too.
I remember crying in my bed getting a text from her telling me that they were in bed. and Ha ha ha.
I finally had a conversation with this girl and I told her, "I want to thank you, he is your problem now."
He continued to harrass me, but I made up my mind, even though I loved him, he was out of my life for good. I put someone elses name, with their permission, on my daughters birth certificate. I completely blocked him out of my life.
He finally has left me alone but it took a while. I am moving away and I feel a sense of releif because I stll feel like he will bother me.
I am free from his spell. We are not idiots. We were put under a spell. All our vulnerabilities were played on and we lost ourselves.
I once was lost, but now I'm found. Amazing Grace.
My friend Heather, is not so lucky. Mother of five, has been missing since October 2004. Remembering her situation, saved me from mine. I felt her near me through it all. Pauseing to cry...
She was beaten so bad he knocked her out, when she woke he beat her so bad that she was put into a coma to wear her eyes were so swollen that they almost bulged out of her skull. He was put on house arrest. He broke from house arrest and she has been missing everysince. Heather, you are missed.
Emotional abuse, can turn to verbal abuse, sexual abuse and physical abuse. Contact your local abuse hotline and they will help you. You are worth it, no matter what he or she says.
