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12/27/2009 01:43 PM

emotionally abused, betrayed and so lonely

Posts: 8

I kicked out my emotionally and physically abusive boyfriend in May. We were together five years and have 1 small child together. He has always been controlling and a bit of a stalker. He actually moved in with a neighbor of ours and is renting a room from him. He started dating 2 weeks later and I was heartbroken. Him moving on without apologizing was more than I could take. Luckily I had a female friend going through the same thing. She and her friends became my support system. Father's Day weekend my ex was no longer dating and started asking to get back together. In August I finally went on a date with a man that I met through my female friends. They encouraged me to move on. That sent my ex in to a rage. He tortured me with the worst text messages and voice mails ever. He would go from sad and begging me to take him back to screaming yelling and throwing things. He would show up to my home uninvited. I can't tell you the pain this man put me through. Meanwhile my friends were starting to act funny. They seemed to gossip and lie and I suspected they were hanging out with my ex. Well....I now have it confirmed that one of the girls that stood in my kitchen and told me to move on and I deserved better is dating my ex. I warned her about his abuse and reminded her of things he did to me and my children. She doesn't believe me. In fact, they just spent Christmas together as a family with my son and her 2 boys. He is moving really fast with her which is a warning sign of abuse. My other friend and her new boyfriend are spending a lot of time with them and it is killing me. Oh yeah, my ex is 39 and the girl who I thought was my friend is only 23. I'm struggling from betrayal from my friends, trying to heal myself from what he did to me, trying to trust people and I am miserable. I actually am so used to him texting me 20 times a day and for the past week he is pretending to be really nice to show off for her. I don't know what to do with the calm. It is an odd feeling. I am hoping that someone on here can help me to deal with this. Thanks for reading. Sad

12/28/2009 09:14 AM
Posts: 19
New Member

I'm so sorry you are going through this. This type of behavior is exactly how abusers operate. They will bad mouth you and throw you under 2 buses just to make everyone believe that they are good and you are a lying horrible person. And the texts and verbal abuse... he is just trying to make you feel bad about yourself and trying to get you to second guess your decision.. like you are crazy.

12/28/2009 02:14 PM
Posts: 8

Thanks for the reply. I am getting a lot of great advice and learning a lot. HE is CRAZY NOT ME!. I am just sad that my friends betrayed me. Oh well, I don't need friends like them. I went to our women's center today. I found out since we were never married and paternity wasn't established, I get to control the visitation until he decides to take me to court. I changed from 50/50 to him having our son every other weekend. He isn't very happy but there is nothing he can do about it today. My son on the other hand is thrilled. I'm just so sick of making people think I'm crazy.

12/29/2009 05:01 AM
freetoflyPosts: 389


So sorry to hear that your x is psycho like mine. He IS crazy. But I am more sad to hear that your girls betrayed you. That being the case, they weren't your girls to begin with. I hope you find a group of good women who will stick by you no matter what. I could not have survived without my women friends. It's good that you are here making a start. Good for you! In the meantime, I'll alidate for you that you are NOT crazy. He sounds like a piece of work...just like the rest of them (the abusers spoken of in this forum). I know what you mean about the calm after the storm. I felt like I was detoxing in the calm. I came to learn that I was, that there is a physical (brain chemistry) addiction to the extreme highs and lows that come along with emotional abuse. It was a relief in some ways to learn that was true. Hang in there honey. It WILL pass and before you know it you'll be saying 'Better her than me'. Smile


01/01/2010 02:28 PM
Posts: 458
Senior Member

I just want to say that I am where you were and still trying to get out. I have been in and out of this relationship for a year and it is like a cat and mouse game where of course I am the mouse. I wonder if I am crazy as I keep the voice mails and texts and when my phone gets full, I keep a written log of the texts because they are so up and down. One moment he is a loser, the next moment it is my fault, one moment he hates his son and says terrible things, the next he is sorry and he is a bad father and will I please fix it, one moment he is done with MY "headgames" the next he wants to get back together. I don't even know how to play, much less win this game and I know I need to get out, but I can't seem to.

I am sorry, did not mean to hijack your post at all, just it seems you have went through what I am going through and I just really feel for you. I agree with free to flys post..and I do believe that it will pass for you in time if he does not suck you back in, and you will see your worth so much more than he ever gave you credit for. Hugs!

01/01/2010 08:17 PM
Posts: 8

He will not suck me back in. Each day I am finding something about me and my life that is so much better now that he is gone. I'm incredibly hurt by people that I thought were friends but actually that pushed me to make new friends and they are "real" Good luck to you tarnishedhalo. You can be strong and get out. You put this much energy in to working on the relationship, imagine how happy you would be if you spent that energy working on making you happy. Good luck and thanks for the post

01/06/2010 09:20 PM

Way to go!

I am glad you are making good friends.

You deserve them. Smile



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