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09/08/2009 10:19 AM

i need help(page 2)

catiana
catianaPosts: 600
Member

my opinion it that talkin to this kind of guy is the same as talking to the walls..yeh u can try it but i doubt he would do anything else but call u paranoid and blame u again or just tell u that it's all in ur imagination or that ur overreacting..these are all common phareses used by this type of men they are all following a certain patern and few ever change..they most likely will change the woman if she starts objecting..but not themselves..as they don't feel there is anything wrong with them so it's why they'll never reach for help..
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09/09/2009 04:39 AM
deserttygger
 
Posts: 19
New Member

Another horrible day yesterday. You guys are right on about what you are saying. I didnt even try to sit down with him since he was breathing fire and brimstone from the moment I got home from work. .... I started to post some more crap that happened, but honestly nobody wants to hear it. My feelings are just so hurt and my heart is breaking. I used to be such a strong person. Now I feel like nothing. Im glad this forum is here and thanks again everybody for listening.

09/09/2009 04:53 AM
cherokeef34
cherokeef34  
Posts: 755
Senior Member

you are someone.

09/09/2009 07:57 AM
deserttygger
 
Posts: 19
New Member

Thanks cherokeef. I have gotten so very lost, I just dont know anymore.

09/09/2009 10:19 AM
catiana
catianaPosts: 600
Member

we were all like this damn seems not only the abusive men act the same but also the vistims follow a certain pattern...i too was the kinda girl that wouldn't take crap from anyone ,i was the one shouting out loud how i hate abusive men how i would never let one hurt me i was the one tellin my abused girlfriends to get away from the crapy relationships and always asking for respect from everyone..till boom..al of a sudden..i lost my mind lol just met fell in love and i was gone and over with all my beliefs all my self-esteem all my entuziasm down the drain..all gone me gone becoming a new person so addicted to the suffering and feelin unable to pull myself outa thereSmilebut he wasn't my frist emotional abuser..my dad was..so i kinda had some practice too lol.it's so hard to leave cuz of the emotional bounding u make in ur head and emotional attachement out of the ordinary..like ihave borderline and some other stuff basically my needs for attachement acceptance and to be loved are way high..have u been hurt by any member of ur family or someone else when younger?usually the girls who stay with abusers have had some chilhood trauma of felt unloved unprotected..think about it maybe somethin comes upSmileand i like writing to u too and listening cuz it heals me too we all need suport we're all here in this to share the probs together i hope u feel a bit better after leting it all out opening ur heart to us Smileu'll soon be ur old self again i'm sure just takes time and courage and friends to suport uWink

09/09/2009 10:24 AM
NewLen
NewLen  
Posts: 286
Member

I hope you will try to get your mind turned around so as to not focus on him and his actions, but how you can work to change your feelings and reactions to what he does.

You cannot control him. The only thing you can control is your reaction to what he's doing. I believe that learning a better way to react can change the relationship.

Learning to feel better about yourself will help you look for a better way to live. You don't need to live in despair any more. The choice is really yours.

Think about that tygger


09/09/2009 03:24 PM
Broken76
Broken76Posts: 16
New Member

You are still a strong person deserttygger. The fact that you are even talking about what's happening to you and reaching out and reacting to this abuse instead of just suffering in silence means you are strong. You know what's happening to you is not right. I was engaged to a man last year who was all charm and sweetness with everyone else but when we were alone boy would he let me have it. I got out a couple of months ago but every day still hurts me...he turned my life upside down and I'm trying to pick up the pieces little by little every day. Just know we are here and that you're not alone in this. These three books helped me out A LOT this past year. They might be of some use to you too - check them out when you have time:

1. Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them

2. Emotional Blackmail

(both by Susan Forward)

3. How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved

(by Sandra L. Brown)

Take care of yourself and please keep talking to us.

Be safe.

-Rachel


09/09/2009 06:24 PM
deserttygger
 
Posts: 19
New Member

Ill be posting more later, but Im just bawling my eyes out right now reading what you guys have said. How amazing that in this world total strangers can reach out a hand and help me keep from sliding further down into this bad place I was heading. Theres no words to express my gratitude.....God Bless you all.....

09/10/2009 06:13 AM
deserttygger
 
Posts: 19
New Member

Im will try and get those books, Broken. Thanks for telling me about them.

09/10/2009 08:25 AM
deserttygger
 
Posts: 19
New Member

Thanks for your insights Newlen.....

I guess I dont know a better way to react. I have so much going on right now, might be laid off as my company may relocate our entire operations based here in my city, to another state. Being out of work in this economy is scary, and I have a teenage son to support. I am resolved to take it one day at a time, even one minute at a time, if I have to...but im going to formulate a plan to deal with his cursing and name calling. I know it may be just a band aid for me right now, but its my beginning.

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