Emotional Abuse Support Group

Alice, if you don't mind my asking, what kind of work do you do now? A lot of members of our group are either stay-at-home moms or moms with part-time jobs and they worry that they will never be able to support themselves and they will end up homeless and alone.

What kind of work do you do? Do you live in an apartment? How is your life now compared to before you left? Are you happier?

Thanks for sharing your experience with us!

BeachGirl9,Abusers see you as an object.An object to be used and abused by them.That includes using you for sex too.Your feelings are irrelevant to them.Why in the hell would someone want to have sex with someone who abused them?I do not want to share that most intimate of experiences with a monster who hurts me.It is ludicrous.But not to an abuser.They demand that you satisfy their needs above all else.Forcing you or coercing or guilting or manipulating you to have sex you do not want IS sexual assault of the worst kind.Rape is NOT about sex.It is about having power and control over the victim.Sound familiar?Power and control is exactly what all abusers crave above all else.I was raped by my ex abuser for ten years.I am still filled with disgust at the thought.It was NOT sex to me.It was an assault.

Lanna

Post edited by: Lanna, at: 07/25/2012 04:39 PM

Thanks, Lanna. Does what I described sound like a sexual assault? Because that's how it felt and still feels when I think about it.

beachGirl9,Yes.Absolutely.You were sexually assaulted and there is nothing okay about that.What would have happened had you said "No"in a definite and forceful way?Were you afraid of him retaliating or hurting you in some way?

Lanna

Post edited by: Lanna, at: 07/25/2012 04:54 PM

Post edited by: Lanna, at: 07/25/2012 04:55 PM

If I had said no, I am sure he would have gotten angry. Maybe not at first, but he would have definitely given me the silent treatment over it and he probably would have accused me of cheating and "giving it to someone else." I guess I've been walking on eggshells for so long and bending over backwards to keep him placated that I don't really know for sure what he would have done. I've seen him enraged over little tiny things before. He once screamed at me for an hour and then cancelled a paid for family vacation that we were set to leave on the next week because I accidentally took a bite out of his sandwich. He didn't know I was on the phone with my friend at the time. She overheard it all and was stunned. She kept asking me, "Are you sure that's all you did? I mean are you sure you didn't do anything else?"

He wouldn't have hit me, but he definitely would have made my life miserable or maybe I should say even more miserable for the next few days, weeks or months over it.

BeachGirl9,That's what I suspected.In other words you were coerced to have sex you did not want because you feared his reaction.Emotional abuse can be and often is worse than being hit.That is called rape.

HUGS.Lanna

Wow, it's one thing for me to think it and another thing for someone outside of me to confirm yet. That just shook me. I never thought anyone would believe me when I said the words "sexual assault" or especially "rape". Thank you so much, Lanna!

BeachGirl9,I'm very sorry he did that.You do not deserve to be treated that way.No one does.Your feelings and needs matter.You have the right to say "No" and have your feelings respected.

HUGS.Lanna

I made an an apartment on the second floor of a ceramic business where I just happen to know the woman and asked her if I could. For 2 years I cooked on a hot plate. I work for my rent. I now have a stove and kitchen with high ceilings and beautiful windows with wood floors. All built in the early 1800s. It wasn't easy since I have pstd and a lot of anger I'm now dealing with but it was worth every second!!! I too was terrified but not anymore. I'm free.