Emotional Abuse Support Group

help i dont know why but to day i keep wanting to call my x and beg her to come home i know this is sick and that im better off with out her i just keep thinking that i was so happy and in love in the begenning and i keep telling my self that mabe if i where just to keep my mounth shoot and deal with it thin mabe things would be okay agan i know this is sick but the thout is still there

We have all been there, my husband and I are recently seperated and I still have times I miss the sweet side of him. However, taking that sweet side means enduring the abusive side. Abuse is not ok, it's not exceptable and no one should go through that life. Abusive people rarely change, and in fact more times than none they get worse. Please respect and love yourself enough to not go back there. It would give her more power over you and that's not what you want. Keeping your mouth shut will not fix or solve the issue- the issue lays within them. Your ex has every opener unity to seek help and truly change and if they didn't love you enough to take those steps more than likely they never will. Knowledge is power, learn as much as you can.

thank you mazzy it has bin very hard and knowing that there is nothing i can do for my step son is killing me and i miss the god times so much

I know, it's a really rough road. I feel much the same as you. I still my the good side of my husband- I am also pregnant with our child but I know what life is like with him and I know what life is like away from... I pick the latter of the two. You can always love someone from a distance- if the relationship was unhealthy it would take years of intense therapy to get it healthy. Please understand your aren't a bad person for distancing yourself. I struggle with that theory Myself. My husband has a great heart deep inside, however he used manipulation to get his way and choose power and control over love and peace and happiness.

The person she was in the beginning doesn't exist except as bait. She is an abuser. You left her for a reason. What you're feeling is very normal though. What helps a lot is to write down all the abusive things she's done to you and keep that list handy. Whenever you feel like calling her, pull out that list and remind yourself exactly why you left.

The good times were part of the abusive cycle. They were designed to reel you back into the relationship and make you vulnerable again. Hang in there. Are you in counseling? If not, you should think about it. It helps a lot.

What you are feeling is the unhealthy 'need' created by an abusive partner, not real true love. This unhealthy desperate feeling WILL PASS - you know that because it has passed for every single person who has left an abuser. EVERY person. You are no different and it will pass for you.

This 'need' will pass and you will realise that there is no love and you will recover and everything will be amazing.

Try to focus on this, on KNOWING that it will pass and just allowing yourself to feel whatever you need to feel to allow it to pass. Everything you feel is okay and part of the process.

It won't be too long before you are over this person and able to embark on your new fantastic life.

xx

I am your proof....and you will be in my shoes eventually too!.....it took me about 6 months for the intensity of the wanting my abuser back to dissipate....it has been now 1 year and 1 month and I am feeling a whole lot better...I do miss the act of Mr. Wonderful but I am able to see things from a more global point and comprenhend how his brainwashing works so I compensate by reading and re reding Why Does He Do That?, The Sociopath Next Door, coming to this website, participating from dv support groups, talking to two friends on the phone and I am working a lot to make ends meet....I am learning to have a lot of patience with my feelings and also call the dv hotline when I need to.....trust me, you will be here sooner than you imagine...the more I miss the act of Mr. Wonderful the more I read...I have armed myself with a lot of knowledge and now I understand how this works.....he knows me better than I know myself....so I stay as far away from him with NO CONTACT and this is a key factor in my becoming desintoxicated from his addiction...read about Stockholm Syndrome.....and remember baby steps at a time.....I am happy to be developing my own strength and resistance just like in sports....sports activities even just walking too and I like nature like hiking helps a lot too.......you will be here in peace too......

Post edited by: p92868, at: 07/20/2012 05:10 AM