Emotional Abuse Support Group

ok.. So I guess I lied, I'm posting again. But this time just because what I found out today just blows my mind. Yes, shocking that he can still come up with things that blow my mind.

Here I am sitting with job offers, about to move hours away from my family simply because he threatened my job. The very day I got an offer, he dumped me (he knows nothing of the job offer). Here I am pissed off because he is the only reason I pursued a job transfer and now I don't need it because we are over. I kinda got over it though and enjoyed my weekend out of town. I went to a huge mall, they had a psychic booth set up in the middle at a kiosk. 3 questions for $10. I decide "hey, why not" and have some innocent fun. 1 question was about him. I asked why did he dump me and will he come back. The psychic said "There is another woman interfering, she has dark hair. He WILL come back to you but stay away, he can't be trusted and is unfaithful". I assure you I fed her NO info. I just laughed it off, asked my other 2 questions and left.

Today, leaving work (he had just arrived, our shifts overlap), I decide to test the psychics answer out. Something just told me to do it. So, I drove by his house. His ex wifes car was there. The dark haired woman. Yep... Blew my mind. Tuesday he loved me, Thursday he dumped me, and today his ex wife is there watching their child while he works. CRAZY. She can have him and his temper. You would think after 14 years of him, she would be done. But nope. Have at it lady, he's every bit the nut job you told me he was. He'd rather be with someone with no job, who cheats on him, and has been thrown in jail for meth??? Wow.

Now I'm even more pissed. I knew he had those texts to hold over my head and make me lose my job. I busted my a$$ trying to find a new job, with the interviews, etc. I am 100% certain he no longer has my texts because I know for a fact she goes thru his phone. I am positive he has erased all traces of our relationship now that he's with her. Finding a new job was POINTLESS and that pisses me off. I kept saying the joke would be on him, but looks like the joke was on me. I no longer need to transfer, he has nothing to threaten me with or hold over my head. I WENT THRU HE'LL FOR NOTHING!!!! Had I just been patient, this would be perfect.

He told me over and over that they would never be together again. Right.

Another thing the psychic said about him?And I'm literally sitting here dying of laughter over? She said he runs hot and cold. One minute he loves you and the next he cant stand you. It's hearts and flowers one day and hate the next. She nailed it. It was just silly fun for $10, but wow if she didn't hit him dead on.

Post edited by: ilovehim30, at: 07/09/2012 10:09 PM

Well, there is the fact that you are driving past his house and seeing this that makes moving away an option so as not to do this to yourself. Based on how you describe his ex - she is easier to manipulate and control because he has more things to manipulate her with. A son, her drug habit, time in jail. What woman can fight back when those kinds of things are being brought up to tear away at what little self-esteem she has? Do you really want a future that involves a man who has a child with a woman that has all those issues? They would become your issues too?

I wouldn't say you did all this for nothing. You did it to save YOU. Regardless of how this ended - being away from him and all his crap is the healthiest thing for you. You deserve better than this. I know it isn't what you want - but it's what you need.

I'm sorry you are going through all of this now. Don't get stuck in it though. Keep going because once you are on the other side of this you will see just how bad it was for you.

Thank you Miranda. You know what I love about it though? I honestly feel nothing for him anymore. It didn't even hurt when I saw her car there. I just shook my head and thought "Wow, predictable". I guess he needs a woman/relationship at all times. The only thing I feel is numbness, but I am absolutely sure I do not ever, ever, ever want him back.

And yes, she is easier to control I'm sure. No job, 43 years old and living with her parents, the jail time... she NEEDS him and that is something I never did. I think I was way too independent for him. I stood up for myself when I was expected to sit down, shut up, and take it. Wonder if he blows her off for poker all the time? He admitted he treated her horribly, hope she enjoys round #99 of it.

What will I miss? His house, it was nice. His truck, I love a man with a hot truck. His looks he'd give me. How he'd hold me. But screw it, I can find another man with a nice house and vehicle. It's just stupid materialistic stuff. And only seeing me twice a month, it's not like I got the looks or cuddling enough to begin with. Hope he enjoys repeating a relationship with her-yet again.

Yeah - the material things they offer are all part of it. I was lured to another state with the talk of a nice house, a good job, going to college, having a great life. It was all talk. The reality was that I was living in a nice house - that used to have a meth lab in the basement! To realize that I would be using my hard earned money to help pay that mortgage and possibly pay to have that basement re-done to decontaminate the mess he and is last wife made - just pissed me off! I've never done meth and I don't want anything to do with it. Now I'm wondering if we lived in a condo the first two months because he hoped I'd have a job by then and I wouldn't leave.

I got suckered into a messed up situation. You did too. You have the chance to get out of it. Don't get drawn back in.

Ilovehim30, your abuser will come back yet again to you....arm yourself with knowledge this time so that you can help your feelings of wanting to get back with him....because I believe we all feel these unexplicable feelings (due to Stockholm Syndrome explains them as they make us feel bad to rescue us an offer the what feels the world and this is a rush rewarding "loving" roller coaster, feeling that we bond to)....and yes, abusers cannot live without a victim....victims can live without abusers.....read and re read Why Does He Do That, participate in support groups, come to this website and learn to accept yourself with a whole lot of patience....there is also the dv hotline and certainly the No Contact works wonders and time is on your side....but I asure you that he will come back to you and will make this all sound awesome...and the ex wife scenario will be different when he explains it.....