Emotional Abuse Support Group

7 years ago on this day my abuser put me through hell and back. We went to his sister's house for a 4th of July party and her boyfriend had some of his co-workers over as well.

We were all drinking in the garage and having a good time and then the mood shifted. My abuser got very angry and began to think that one of the co-workers that was there wanted me. He started talking about stabbing the guy with the box cutter he had in his pocket. This scared the hell out of me and I knew that I had to stop all contact with this co-worker before things got ugly. I began to distance myself from the group and sat quietly by myself in the corner smoking cigs and drinking my beer. It was miserable because I like being social but I didn't even dare talk.

About an hour later his sister pulled me aside and told me that we had to work together to get him out of there because he was not talking to her about stabbing this guy. After a little effort, she was able to coax him into the car and we were on our way home. While driving he was so drunk that he through his shirt out of the window on the freeway and then puked all over the side of my car. When we pulled into the parking lot of our apartment building, he was so drunk he couldn't get out of the car. I ended up taking him to the emergency room where they pumped him full of liquids and kept him there overnight.

I had picked up a shift to work on the 4th because we were supposed to work together (yes, we worked at the same place) so I left for work and left him in the hospital. I watch fireworks all alone in the gas station parking lot all the time worrying about him.

After work, I went to visit him and I learned from his cousin that his ex-girlfriend has been there to visit him. He was angry at me for taking him to the hospital and he now had a 2,000 dollar bill that he shouldn't have to pay.

I came home from work this morning because my stomach is just churning. I think it's my body's way of releasing this trauma. It started last night but it hurt like hell this morning. I just needed to get this out in hopes that it would make me feel better. I am so glad I am not with this guy anymore but it angers me that I put up with all of his shit for as long as I did. Why didn't I realize that I deserved better,sooner?

I think those of us that stick it out for as long as we can (and longer than we should) are trying to GIVE the love that we believe is 'in sickness and in health, for better or for worse.' It takes a while to realize that the person you love is choosing to do things (drink, drugs, not learn better relationship skills) that add to their 'sickness' and end up making you sick too. That's when you get the realization that the love you are giving is the love that you NEED. That decision to stop giving that love to someone else and give it to yourself is the life force that makes us change.

Love is a beautiful thing - but we have to use it for the good in us and others. When it isn't being received - there is nothing we can do. Love yourself enough to know that you tried and when you couldn't do it anymore you used that love to make a change in you.

Congrats on the seven years. You are worth much more than you realize.

WOW..that was so well said.

Thank you! That was very well said. It was like I woke up one morning and just had enough. I decided in about 2 hours of waking up for the day that I had enough, called my dad and told him I was moving home and within 24 hours he had a U-haul up there and was helping me move. It was a long and painful road to separate myself from him even when I was 60 miles away. I was soooo conditioned to his way of thinking that I had to learn to be me again.

I thank the lord every minute that I am no longer living that life!

I just wish my body would chill out and not make me sick every time an anniversary roles around.

Yeah - the worst part about leaving is realizing that the damage is inside of you - and it comes with you until you do the work to get past it. THAT'S the damage these people do to others. The idea of letting someone close enough to you and letting them be the Significant Other in your life - and then to see how they tear apart your self-esteem little by little is just sick. I think that's when I find the anger in me and it makes me work harder to get healthy so that no one EVER does that to me again.

Maybe your stomach pain is just the reminder of the pain so that you don't get into that situation again. It really does effect you emotionally, mentally and physically. No one should ever do that much damage to another human being. It is just evil.

I'm really not sure what it is from but I sure do not like it. It really sucks.

It is evil that people can do that to another human being. I try to look at the positive and tell myself that he made me that much stronger and smarter to fall for anyones crap again. It makes it a little easier to deal with.

I still get those feelings and it been 8 years since I lost my vision in my left eye due to phyical abuse. My abuser is about to be released from prison and I am getting more worried the closer it gets. We have a son together and he has tried to make contact with me to try and get back together. The thought makes me ill!! I have PTSD from being with him. Stay strong and push through the feelings...this to shall pass!!! or at least thats what I tell myself

I got PTSD from my abuser too. Sucks but you can only take one day at a time. I have found myself angry the past week. Not sure if that is a good thing or not but I supposed it's better than feeling nothing.

So sorry you are dealing with this. I hope you have a safe place to stay before he gets out.

Yes as of right now he doesn't know where I live..work or what I drive. I have taken steps so really noone but a select few know this information.