Emotional Abuse Support Group

A few days before I left (3 weeks ago), I had told him that I would always be there to support him and always be there for him to lean on. Today, he calls me to say that what I said was a lie because I'm not there to take him to/from his tooth extraction appointment. And that I would be able to be there if not for my family. My family has hired a PI to look into his background, have my family make out affidavits to where if I talk to him they would be filed and my 2-year old daughter would be taken away from me. The affidavits have been filed because I saw him for the gender ultrasound for the baby that we're having together.

He is so mad, he really hates my family. I hate that my family is constantly hovering and looking over my shoulder to watch my every move. I have to change my passwords to everything twice a day because I'm so paranoid that they're going hack into my stuff. I feel like they have taken things way too far and I understand that my boyfriend is upset and why, but he has called me childish because I am staying with my mom and not him.

What do I say to him? I've tried to make him understand what is going on, but he can't see past his own hurt and pain to even want to understand what the severity of the situation is. He says that 2-year olds can't have psychological problems because they will never remember them. This is the first time that he has shown no sympathy for me or my daughter, because according to him we wouldn't be in this mess if I hadn't of called my family every time we got into an argument. This may be true, but my family would never intervene unless they felt like they had to.

First of all, your family needs to back off and let you be a big girl. Seriously, hiring a personal investigator? Threatening to take away your child if you talk to him...Am I reading this right?

Secondly, you had a good reason to leave him, I'm sure! And what about all the things that he said he would never do but he probably did them anyways? Aren't they the world's biggest hypocrites?

How many times have these losers said, "I'll never say a cross word to you ever again, I'll never hit you again, I love you more than life itself, I would do anything for you...."

Thats right! They've all said them, but they didn't hold up their end of the bargain did they? They lie just as much as we do. We lie out of self preservation because we don't want to get in trouble or yelled at for having normal healthy reactions to abuse.

Your abuser can try to use your words against you, but think about why you lied to him. Think about all the times he's lied to you or promised you something and never came through for you.

You read it right. My daughter is currently being kept at her father's so that I do not take her around him. Understandable. But the affidavits were going way too far and so was the PI.

He has said those exact things to me and thus far has held up his end of the deal. I lied to him about my past because let's face it, I'm not proud of it and it was not relevant to him. He kept pressing the issue so I would either leave details out or change the story a little but with the same ending. I just didn't want him to actually know what kind of person I used to be and think that I was still that same person. I always carry the fear of being judged. I think that's what it ultimately boils down to, no matter how much I trust the person.

So this guy that you are staying away from isn't your daughter's biological father?

No, he isn't. But he is the father of our unborn child. I'm 5 months pregnant.

Ok...is it your daughter's father who is threatening to keep her away...are they the ones who hired the Personal Investigator? Or is it your family?

My family and father of my daughter are working together- they hired the PI. My family and him are both telling me that they will keep her away.

Well your daughter's safety is the number 1 priority right now! If the father of your unborn child is a threat to her than it is best to stay away from him. It might be best to stay away from him all together even if he is the father of your unborn child. Legally, because you are not married, he has no rights to your baby so unless he wants to hire a lawyer and take you to court, your best bet would be to avoid talking to him all together. Sorry you are going through this, but by your family's reaction, he sounds like he's dangerous.

He is in no way dangerous. We had some arguments in front of my daughter and it has psychologically affected her. She throws raging fits and screams at herself when she looks in a mirror. Her father has told me that if I have this baby, then he will fully suspend my rights to my daughter. My family has told him to back off and that no one has any say in what I do with this baby except for me. My family is in favor of not keeping the baby away and fully believe that my boyfriend could make a turn around, as do I. The worst it ever got was my boyfriend calling me names and holding my past over my head. I just keep thinking that if I had never called my family to vent about some of our arguments, I wouldn't be in this position. I would still be in the house where I belong with the man that I love. I may sound so screwed up, but my heart is telling me that I need to be with him and my mind is telling me the same thing, but is saying "Wait." I just want to be happy.

Confused, he may not be dangerous, but if you choose to stay with him I can't help but agree with the father of your other daughter to keep her away. No one should ever call you names or argue with you in front of your daughter. Your number one priority should be your kids, not your boyfriend. I'm not trying to sound judgemental but I cannot stress enough how important it is to make sure that your daughter gets the care and attention she needs and that she feels safe. Your ex cannot tell you what to do with your baby that you are currently pregnant with, but something tells me that your ex's instincts may be right about this guy that you've been arguing with. Men like that do not "turn around". If anything it keeps getting worse and you should be able to go to your family and tell them when your having a fight or an argument. I tell my mother everything about the fights I use to have with my ex. My ex would punch holes in the wall, throw beer bottles and smash them in the floor and demand i pick them up, throw hissy fits if I didn't smoke pot with him and called me every name in the book in addition to wrecking my finances, my car and my life.

I understand you don't think he's dangerous, but if its affecting your daughter...wake up and smell the coffee. Do whats best for her!