Emotional Abuse Support Group

Don't be fooled for a second into thinking that his interest in Sofie is parenting her. Abusers don't care about parenting. They don't want to even be parents except for when they can use their kids to make themselves look or feel good. The point is that he doesn't want her to be with YOU because that means YOU won and an abuser can't stand to let that happen. So don't allow yourself to be lulled into a false sense of security by telling yourself he doesn't have the skills or interest or money or whatever to parent her. This is not about parenting in his mind.

That is just terrible, Meg. But, I know you are right. More than anything I would love him to be a good parent to her. Like he was reading her books and trying to actually interact with her yesterday and stayed for more than an hour. But, I know I have to question his motives. oH and it was so classic: He and his other two daughters were playing in sofie's room with her and she must have pooped and I heard him say "Go see Mommy", so I had to clean her. It was supposed to be HIS time with her, BUT not when it came to that I guess!!

My friend was married to an abuser and they have two daughters together. In the beginning, he fought tooth and nail for custody and visitation. Those first two years were hell on her as he demanded more and more time with the girls. She also noticed him doing the same thing yours did ... shoving them back to her when there was something he didn't want to deal with. For instance, he picked them up one day and about two hours later, called to say he was bringing the youngest home because she was throwing tantrums and being difficult that day. My friend said no, you will NOT bring her home. She told him that he was their father and he was just going to have to deal with it like she does. She said, "Does he think I get to push her off on someone when she's having a bad day or when there is something else I want to do?"

Well, it didn't take long for him to grow very tired and bored of being responsible for them and dealing with them. That's when he started blowing off visitations to the point that he now sees them maybe once a month.

He wants to be a parent and no doubt he thinks he's a better parent than you are, so he should have been the one to clean her. What would he have done if you weren't there?

Well, everyone it has been a while, but I wanted to check in with everyone. My abuser has been pretty quiet lately. He's Mr. Nice Guy again, so there is not much new to report. Legal Aid nor my dv advocate has called me back to let me know the reason why they denied my case. My abuser hasnt mentioned taking Sofie somewhere without me and his mom hasnt contacted me at all since her mean email about why I wont let her take Sofie anywhere without me. SO no news is good news there. I DO have to report that it looks like the baby is trying to get here early. I am at 33 weeks today. I tested positive for some test that shows that I am really close to having her and I have been having pretty strong regular contractions for two days now. I am on some tablets to slow down the contractions, and I think it is helping, but its definitely not stopping them all together. I am on bedrest...AGAIN. My mom has been very helpful, so that is good. I am trying to relax and stay hydrated. Now, of course, my ex is finally starting to take an interest in the new baby like she might actually be real and is being all chivalrous and manly. He has offered to give me whatever I need, watch sofie (he even said he would watch her at my house while I rest). Of course, I am not doing that. The last thing I need is him wandering around my house all day while I am in pain while he puts on a show like he is saving the day. That would just piss me off. He tells me " I know you dont want to hear about it, but I do care for you and I do care for the baby".....yeah, right!!! So, I was prepared for this and I know he is going to be all emotional because the new baby is coming and try to get back together but that doesnt make him a different person. I have seen this way too many times before to know how he works. So, its not going to work and I am keeping my head in the game. I just have to make sure I dont get all emotional. It sure would be nice if magically we were a healthy family and he was a good dad and husband. Sure would make things easier. But, if he could change, he would have done so already. He will be back to himself in about a month after the baby is born. I just need to not get emotional till then. Love everyone!! Hope all is well!