My son's day camp staff didnt know where he was exactly when i picked him up from a park last Tuesday. They didnt have a solid buddy system or any way of quickly locating him. I had to wander around.. the staff were all talking in a cluster and not really paying attention to the kids. They didnt acknowledge me when i walked up. Some kids were hidden in bushes, some on swings, some climbing trees, etc. So that kind of irked me but at that point i wasnt all that concerned, just wanted to keep an eye on them to see if they seemed more attentive next time.
The next day they were going to be downtown at a public event where there was food and music. Knowing this was near enough to my work, i decided to drop by, and say hi to my son, and surprise him by giving more money for him to blow there.
After walking all around where the food and music were, I found him off to the side of the event location, playing on large rocks under a bridge on steep-ish embankment along the river which is very high and fast right now. Two adults have drowned in it this spring so far. After asking him to come back up to me, I asked him to point me to the nearest adult. He pointed to a 16 year old who was about 5 feet away from me. Then i had him take me to a real adult. She was over a little hill from them, unaware completely. So i talked to both her and the teen "staff member" and said, " this made me really nervous to find him doing this.. i am afraid he is going to get hurt or drown." They said "he was only there for a minute" And , "I was about to go get him" ..and made the kinds of excuses my son makes when i catch him at something. So i told them "it only takes a second for an accident to happen, its your job to keep them from going down there at all. Its just not safe there right now, i would prefer you didnt let him play there. "
Anyway long story short i was shaken by it, so much that even after i went to work it kept bothering me. What if i hadnt shown up to check on him and he had fallen in? He is a little daredevil sometimes and recently got hurt pushing his boundaries--i know my child, and if i were a child care provider i would have a much different boundary about the river.
So i called the Director of the program and she said "oh yes I agree, the river is really dangerous, I am sorry you felt so worried about that, i udnerstand. i will talk to my staff'
Well i could tell right away that the staff had villified me to protect their jobs, and they were being really passive agressive to me the next day. This was Thursday, and they were back at the park where they couldnt find him Tuesday. Lo and behold, Thursday a guy was found masturbating in his car.. right where these kids hang out waiting for us to pick them up!!!! So my worries on Tuesday seemed validated-- they should have the grown ups spread around the area the kids are playing, keeping even just a loose eye on them.. not sitting in their own cluster off to the side not even really paying attention. There were like 25 kids. It would be so easy to steal one right there.
I was missing important paperwork for them meanwhile. Friday they were going to go on a hike and didnt let him go with, and made him stay back with the little kids. I found out when i picked him up, and i was in a hurry to get somewhere else. I said, why didnt you call me? And they said "we didnt have your number" which is a lie. I even have text messages between me and one of the staff on Monday morning making sure they had my work number and my cell. After we left, my son said he told them he knew my number and he wanted to call me and they said no.
So, i decided to pull him out of the program. I called today to see if i could get my $100 activity fee back since that was for the whole summer. When she said "no" i was not going to argue-- i was going to give up and hang up the phone but then she launched into a personal attack.
She said that I had been "awful" toward her staff ( she has not personally seen me talk to them, but i know i was making a concious effort to be a good example to the kids who were watching me talk to them, and using "i feel afraid" not "you did this wrong" and she said she was on the verge of banning me from the program anyway because i didnt have all my paperwork turned in( this has to do with miscommunication between my sons father and I.. long tedious story)
And she told me i had "chewed them out" and she now had every defense in the world about the river incident. She said he had only been playing near the top of the embankment. She said the teen staff member had gotten him to come back up (no, it was me) -- I kept my voice quiet and calm because i was at work when i called but also because i didnt want to argue with her.. and she was so unprofessional and rude-- yet it still caused me to question myself, and i thought "maybe i shoudlnt have said anything about the river" and so on. "Maybe i do have a bad attitude " "Maybe my abuser was right about me" etc...
It just seems honestly like this woman and the staff members are very immature, and even abusive! Could that be?
i feel like it just cant be that there are so many abusive people in the world. That maybe its just me. They were going to remove my son from the program basically because i was nervous about his safety and said something about it.. The woman today said " We let the kids have some independence, especially the older kids. This isnt a daycare. If you need a place that watches your kid THAT closely, this just isnt a good fit" It was just backhanded put-down after put-down about my instincts. She even said "Was it really so bad that we left him with the little kids?" implying that i was so crazy i probably thought he was not safe with the little kids. I said "no that is okay but why wouldnt they just let him call me? I would have been happy to go pick him up. I understand about the paperwork. " and she said "My staff ALWAYS lets kids call their moms. They never would have prevented him from calling you." And i had to repeat to her "but that is what they actually did. my son wouldnt lie about that. " She treated me like i was lying.
My son's school keeps closer track of him than this! They use a buddy system. The teachers have a pretty good general idea of where kids are when they are outdoors and on trips. They acknowledge me when i walk up to pick him up and pay attention to the fact that he is leaving. I am used to a different kind of care and i think thats standard isnt it?
This was going to be our third year at this summer camp-- they usually are a lot more attentive-- they are relaxed yes.. but they have been more attentive than this and that is why i felt i was within my rights to say something. But yet here i am worrying that maybe i am horrible after all. Maybe it really IS me. Maybe i imagined how dangerous the river is. Maybe my abuser isnt abusive and i was the one that was terrible. This is where this takes me. So that is why i am writing it out.
